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i
know my coLumn goes rubbish when i taLk too much
about music, but did you see
the new pope's first gig? at first gLance he seems
to have a bit more stage prescence
than the Last one. before his
eLection
everyone was taLking about the first bLack pope, or
at Least someone who
wouLd point us to the huge probLems in africa. such
as aids, a disease not
discouraged by the vatican's view on contraception.
by coincidence, there was
just this big candLight vigiL recentLy caLLing for
the eradication of gLobaL
poverty in trafaLgar square. not that funny - i
suppose more ironic - to make
room for them aLL they had to sweep up and move on
aLL the homeLess down the
road to the south bank out the way.
i suppose
the worLd's
destitute are more gLamorous than our home-grown
taLent, but aLL the 3 main
parties say they wiLL put that right shouLd they get
into power... |
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eLectiLe Dysfunction...
yes. seeing as this is a topicaL news quiz* i
had better say something
about the eLection. i used to think...
"DON'T
VOTE
- IT ONLY ENCOURAGES THEM"
...but i don't think that's true for me now.
aLL poLiticians aren't the
same, which is why u shouLd not vote for the british
nationaL party. but i
think there's something one catches once in power that
makes you the same.
whoever is in power, government seems to be the
process of sLowLy dismantLing
dreams by increasingLy giving peopLe useLess jobs +
meniaL tasks untiL they
die. weLL, i suppose it keeps us aLL out of troubLe,
but is that what we reaLLy
want out of our Lives?
anyway, poLiticans don't run the worLd, the
fLow of money controLs the
worLd, and nobody controLs that. so in that sense i
think i am quite Left wing.
fuck the poor. if i was running for a seat i wouLd
raise the nationaL minimum
wage to a miLLion pounds an hour. i wouLd aLso
introduce a nationaL maximum
wage of a miLLion pounds an hour. that way peopLe
wouLd be doing what they
actuaLLy wanted to do. rousseau was right, these days
you have to be forced
into be free.
anyway, the way the system is, the government
is effectiveLy decided by
7 house-mums sipping cheese in kettering or worcester.
so unLess yr voting
tacticaLLy to get someone out, yr vote probabLy won't
count for anything. so i
wouLd urge you to vote for someone stupid or smaLL you
actuaLLy beLieve in.
it's not a waste if yr candidate has no hope of wining
- its the onLy way you
can reaLLy say, that you reaLLy did have your say. if
enough peopLe do it, then
other parties wiLL either have to diversify, or the
auithorities wiLL have to
encorporate some kind of proportionaL representation.
aLthough having said aLL
that i dont think i'm going to vote. i haven't
registered my new address and it
might be a bit Late now. what a bLoody hypocrite i am.
some foLks say you
shouLd never meet yr heroes... but i've kind of
evoLved it to "you shouLd never
meet peopLe in generaL". so perhaps its a good thing.
*this isn't a topicaL news quiz by the way
incase u hadn't guessed...
but don't worry, it's not Like there's an eLection or
anything.
the Chap
the Spitz, Commercial Road,
London
i've never seen this band before - from the
name i was expecting a soLo
guy a bit Like the a guy i saw once caLLed the rebeL.
the rebeL sang rubbish
buckinghamshire country in a straw hat... what am i
taLking about? the chap
were nothing Like this. they are a four piece,
[incLuding a chapette], who,
interestingLy enough, aLL Look Like my doctor. even
the girL! being the spitz,
there are synths, drums, eLectric guitars and
feedbacking ceLLo's. it's not
pop - the songs are quite LogicaL, derived from the
expansion of musicaL
chunks. parts of the chap's set reminded me of mogwai,
the veLvet underground,
add n to x, and deerhoof. do they sound Like these?
not reaLLy, but i wouLd
urge u to check them out if u can. the chap make
inteLigent music inteLigentLy.
ie - without being too cLever. it's compLex yet
catchy, i think u couLd reaLLy
enjoy them without a degree, but without feeLing
patronised afterwards.
Meanwhile, back on the Tory
campaign trail...
i just heard this joke on the radio about that
conservative mp who
doctored a photograph of himseLf and anne widicombe on
a protest about an
assyLum cLaim. they both went to protest with sLogans
Like "Let them stay" on
thier banners. the picture was changed in a recent
eLection pamphLet so that
anne and him had new posters saying "controLLed
immigration" on them instead. i
think it's cLear this was a mistake. i mean, how can
you doctor a photograph
and Leave anne widdicombe on it?
Simon Bookish spoken word
thing the Spitz again
back at the spitz then for this spoke word
night, or rather variations
of the theme. there were poets and readings, but i
didnt start to pay much
attention untiL Leo [aka simon bookish] took up the
stage. a scribbLed notebook
in one hand, the other sLightLy bent in the air to
make him Look Like a teapot,
Leo goes into a compLeteLy sureaL monoLogue to
eLectro-techno. topics for us
tonight are; how he faked a job in a british raiL
office that actuaLLy turned
out to be a cupboard, how treading on crabs made his
Lawn rather unkempt, and
how ducks Learn to shit on one Leg so they dont get
shit on both feet.
imagine vivian stanshaLL wearing a boiLer suit
made out of a Large daffodiLL
dancing to his appLe i-book. afetrwards Leo procLaimed
he was to rid himseLf of
his pop monkey, and concern himseLf pureLy with this.
i found it aLL rather
enchanting. hang on, this review has got a bit wordy
hasn't it? so what i
reckon is his aLbum wouLd be weLL buff when you is
stoned right? no, but
seriousLy.
after Leo was capitaL k. i had to Leave during
his second song, but i
wanted to mention him because he is a reaLLy nice man
+ aLso because on stage
he is Like a one man band with seven hands. Live, on
stage, during the
stage-show, he pLays guitar, mixing desk, sings and
controLs his computer aLL
at once, Live, as it's performed, aLL in one go.
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i don't know if this wiLL be a Last coLumn for
a bit - Let's see. but in
the meantime i am offering you the chance to
"CHALLENGE FIDEL".
is there a probLem you desperateLy need me to
sort out? or perhaps you
want to see me escape from an impossibLe situation you
are trying to kiLL me
in. either way Let me know + i wiLL beat you on the
formuLa bone boners page.
go to www.formuLabone.com
- and cLick
the smaLL boner badge at the top right bit of the news
page. see u next time!
yours actuaLLy,
fideL viLLeneuve x x x
FLUFF...>
fideL viLLeneuve is in FORMULA BONE. go and see
them pLay... on a scaLe
of 1 to 10, they couLd weLL be the best band in the
worLd. a very Limited
edition of their first Lp "BEAR UP" is avaiLabLe via
brianLove records to find
out more about this or fideL or the bone head to the
bone's website - www.formulabone.com fideL viLLeneuve's emaiL address
is...
fideL@formulabone.com
Read fideL's thoughts... Not his actual thoughts you weirdo, some he has written down...
Infantile Sexuality... / Science Video...
the previous chronicles of fideL ...
FideL coLumn no 11 / FideL coLumn no 10 / FideL coLumn no 9 / FideL coLumn no 8 / FideL coLumn no 7 / FideL coLumn no 6 / FideL coLumn no 5 / FideL coLumn no 4 / FideL coLumn no 3 / FideL coLumn no 2 / FideL coLumn no 1