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Glyn Hughes' SQUASHED WRITERS ALL THE BOOKS YOU THINK YOU OUGHT TO HAVE READ In their own words... but magically Squashed into half-hour short stories... |
The
Squashed version of
Guy Mannering
or, the
Astrologer
by
Sir Walter Scott
1819
I. The Astrologer
It was in the month of November, 17-, when a young English
gentleman, who had just left the University of Oxford, being
benighted while sightseeing in Dumfriesshire, sought shelter at
Ellangowan, on the very night the heir was born. Our hero, Guy
Mannering, entering into the simple humour of Mr. Bertram, his
host, agreed to calculate the infant's horoscope by the stars,
having in early youth studied with an old clergyman who had a
firm belief in astrology.
Mannering had once before tried a similar piece of foolery, at
the instance of the young lady to whom he was betrothed, and now
found that the result of the scheme in both cases presaged
misfortune in the same year to the infant as to her. To the baby,
three periods would be particularly hazardous-his fifth, his
tenth, his twenty-first year.
He mentally relinquished his art for ever, and to prevent the
child being supposed to be the object of evil prediction, he gave
the paper into Mr. Bertram's hand, and requested him to keep it
for five years with the seal unbroken, after which period he left
him at liberty, trusting that the first fatal year being safely
overpast, no credit would be paid to its farther contents.
When Mrs. Bertram was able to work again, her first employment
was to make a small velvet bag for the scheme of nativity; and
though her fingers itched to break the seal, she had the firmness
to enclose it in two slips of parchment, and put it in the bag
aforesaid, and hang it round the neck of the infant.
It was again in the month of November, more than twenty years
after the above incident, that a loud rapping was heard at the
door of the Gordon Arms at Kippletringan.
"I wish, madam," said the traveller, entering the
kitchen, where several neighbours were assembled, "you would
give me leave to warm myself here, for the night is very
cold."
His appearance, voice, and manner, produced an instantaneous
effect in his favour. The landlady installed her guest
comfortably by the fireside, and offered what refreshment her
house afforded.
"A cup of tea, ma'am, if you will favour me." Mrs.
MacCandlish bustled about, and proceeded in her duties with her
best grace, explaining that she had a very nice parlour, and
everything agreeable for gentlefolks; but it was bespoke to-night
for a gentleman and his daughter, that were going to leave this
part of the country.
The sound of wheels was now heard, and the postilion entered.
"No, they canna' come at no rate, the laird's sae ill."
"But God help them," said the landlady. "The
morn's the term-the very last day they can bide in the house-a'
things to be roupit."
"Weel, I tell you, Mr. Bertram canna be moved."
"What Mr. Bertram?" said the stranger. "Not Mr.
Bertram of Ellangowan, I hope?"
"Just e'en that same, sir; and if ye be a friend o' his,
ye've come at a time when he's sair bested."
"I have been abroad for many years. Is his health so much
deranged?"
"Ay, and his affairs an' a'. The creditors have entered into
possession o' the estate, and it's for sale. And some that made
the maist o' him, they're sairest on him now. I've a sma' matter
due mysell, but I'd rather have lost it than gane to turn the
auld man out of his house, and him just dying."
"Ay, but," said the parish clerk, "Factor Glossin
wants to get rid of the auld laird, and drive on the sale, for
fear the heir-male should cast up; for if there's an heir-male,
they canna sell the estate for auld Ellangowan's debt."
"He had a son born a good many years ago," said the
stranger. "He is dead, I suppose?"
"Dead! I'se warrant him dead lang syne. He hasna' been heard
o' these twenty years."
"I wat weel it's no twenty years," said the landlady.
"It's no abune seventeen in this very month. It made an unco
noise ower a' this country. The bairn disappeared the very day
that Supervisor Kennedy came by his end. He was a daft dog! Oh,
an' he could ha' handen' off the smugglers! Ye see, sir, there
was a king's sloop down in Wigton Bay, and Frank Kennedy, he
behoved to have her up to chase Dirk Hatteraick's lugger. He was
a daring cheild, and fought his ship till she blew up like
peelings of ingans."
"And Mr. Bertram's child," said the stranger,
"what is all this to him?"
"Ou, sir, the bairn aye held an unca wark wi' the
supervisor, and it was generally thought he went on board the
vessel with him."
"No, no; you're clean out there, Luckie! The young laird was
stown awa' by a randy gipsy woman they ca'd Meg Merrilies,"
said the deacon.
But the presenter would not have this version, and told a tale of
how an astrologer, an ancient man, had appeared at the time of
the heir's birth, and told the laird that the Evil One would have
power over the knave bairn, and he charged him that the bairn
should be brought up in the ways of piety, and should aye hae a
godly minister at his elbow; and the aged man vanished away, and
so they engaged Dominie Sampson to be with him morn and night.
But even that godly minister had failed to protect the child, who
was last seen being carried off by Frank Kennedy on his horse to
see a king's ship chase a smuggler. The excise-man's body was
found at the foot of the crags at Warroch Point, but no one knew
what had become of the child.
A smart servant entered with a note for the stranger, saying,
"The family at Ellangowan are in great distress, sir, and
unable to receive any visits."
"I know it," said his master. "And now, madam, if
you will have the goodness to allow me to occupy the
parlour-"
"Certainly, sir," said Mrs. MacCandlish, and hastened
to light the way.
"And wha' may your master be, friend?"
"What! That's the famous Colonel Mannering, sir, from the
East Indies."
"What, him we read of in the papers?"
"Lord safe us!" said the landlady. "I must go and
see what he would have for supper-that I should set him down
here."
When the landlady re-entered, Colonel Mannering asked her if Mr.
Bertram lost his son in his fifth year.
"O ay, sir, there's nae doubt of that; though there are many
idle clashes about the way and manner. And the news being rashly
told to the leddy cost her her life that saym night; and the
laird never throve from that day, was just careless of
everything. Though when Miss Lucy grew up she tried to keep
order. But what could she do, poor thing? So now they're out of
house and hauld."
II. Vanbeest Brown's Reappearance
Early next morning, Mannering took the road to Ellangowan. He had
no need to inquire the way; people of all descriptions streamed
to the sale from all quarters.
When the old towers of the ruin rose upon his view, thoughts
thronged upon the mind of the traveller. How changed his feelings
since he lost sight of them so many years before! Then life and
love were new, and all the prospect was gilded by their rays. And
now, disappointed in affection, sated with fame, goaded by bitter
and repentant recollections, his best hope was to find a
retirement in which to nurse the melancholy which was to
accompany him to his grave. About a year before, in India, he had
returned from a distant expedition to find a young cadet named
Brown established as the habitual attendant on his wife and
daughter, an arrangement which displeased him greatly, owing to
the suggestions of another cadet, though no objection could be
made to the youth's character or manners. Brown made some efforts
to overcome his colonel's prejudice, but feeling himself
repulsed, and with scorn, desisted, and continued his attentions
in defiance. At last some trifle occurred which occasioned high
words and a challenge. They met on the frontiers of the
settlement, and Brown fell at the first shot. A horde of Looties,
a species of banditti, poured in upon them, and Colonel Mannering
and his second escaped with some difficulty. His wife's death
shortly after, and his daughter's severe illness, made him throw
up his command and come home. She was now staying with some old
friends in Westmoreland, almost restored to her wonted health and
gaiety.
When Colonel Mannering reached the house he found his old
acquaintance paralysed, helpless, waiting for the postchaise to
take him away. Mannering's evident emotion at once attained him
the confidence of Lucy Bertram. The laird showed no signs of
recognising Mannering; but when the man, Gilbert Glossin, who had
brought him to this pass, had the effrontery to make his
appearance, he started up, violently reproaching him, sank into
his chair again, and died almost without a groan.
A torrent of sympathy now poured forth, the sale was postponed,
and Mannering decided on making a short tour till it should take
place, but he was called back to Westmoreland, and, owing to the
delay of his messenger, the estate passed into the hands of
Glossin. Lucy and Dominie Sampson, who would not be separated
from his pupil, found a temporary home in the house of Mr.
MacMorlan, the sheriff-substitute, a good friend of the family.
Colonel Mannering lost no time in hiring for a season a large and
comfortable mansion not far from Ellangowan, having some hopes of
ultimately buying that estate. Besides a sincere desire to serve
the distressed, he saw the advantage his daughter Julia might
receive from the company of Lucy Bertram, whose prudence and good
sense might be relied on, and therefore induced her to become the
visitor of a season, and the dominie thereupon required no
pressing to accept the office of librarian. The household was
soon settled in its new quarters, and the young ladies followed
their studies and amusements together.
Society was quickly formed, most of the families in the
neighbourhood visited Colonel Mannering, and Charles Hazlewood
soon held a distinguished place in his favour and was a frequent
visitor, his parents quite forgetting their old fear of his
boyish attachment to penniless Lucy Bertram in the thought that
the beautiful Miss Mannering, of high family, with a great
fortune, was a prize worth looking after. They did not know that
the colonel's journey to Westmoreland was in consequence of a
letter from his friend there expressing uneasiness about
serenades from the lake beside the house. However, he had
returned without making any discovery or any advance in his
daughter's confidence, who might have told him that Brown still
lived, had not her natural good sense and feeling been warped by
the folly of a misjudging, romantic mother, who had called her
husband a tyrant until she feared him as such.
* * * * *
Vanbeest Brown had escaped from captivity and attained the rank
of captain after Mannering left India, and his regiment having
been recalled home, was determined to persevere in his addresses
to Julia while she left him a ray of hope, believing that the
injuries he had received from her father might dispense with his
using much ceremony towards him.
So, soon after the Mannerings' settlement in Scotland, he was
staying in the inn at Kippletringan; and, as the landlady said,
"a' the hoose was ta'en wi' him, he was such a frank,
pleasant young man." There had been a good deal of trouble
with the smugglers of late, and one day Brown met the young
ladies with Charles Hazlewood. Julia's alarm at his appearance
misled that young man, and he spoke roughly to Brown, even
threatening him with his gun. In the confusion the gun went off,
wounding Hazlewood.
III. Glossin's Villainy
Gilbert Glossin, Esq., now Laird of Ellangowan, and justice of
the peace, saw an opportunity of ingratiating himself with the
country gentry, and exerted himself to discover the person by
whom young Charles Hazlewood had been wounded. So it was with
great pleasure he heard his servants announce that MacGuffog, the
thief-taker, had a man waiting his honour, handcuffed and
fettered.
The worthy judge and the captive looked at each other steadily.
At length Glossin said:
"So, captain, this is you? You've been a stranger on these
coasts for some years."
"Stranger!" replied the other. "Strange enough, I
should think, for hold me der teyvil, if I have ever been here
before."
Glossin took a pair of pistols, and loaded them.
"You may retire," said he to his clerk, "and carry
the people with you, but wait within call." Then: "You
are Dirk Hatteraick, are you not?"
"Tousand teyvils! And if you know that, why ask me?"
"Captain, bullying won't do. You'll hardly get out of this
country without accounting for a little accident at Warroch Point
a few years ago."
Hatteraick's looks grew black as midnight.
"For my part," continued Glossin. "I have no wish
to be hard on an old acquaintance, but I must send you off to
Edinburgh this very day."
"Poz donner! you would not do that?" said the prisoner.
"Why, you had the matter of half a cargo in bills on
Vanbeest and Vanbruggen!"
"It was an affair in the way of business," said
Glossin, "and I have retired from business for some
time."
"Ay, but I have a notion I could make you go steady about,
and try the old course again," said Dirk Hatteraick. "I
had something to tell you."
"Of the boy?" said Glossin eagerly.
"Yaw, mynheer," replied the captain coolly.
"He does not live, does he?"
"As lifelich as you or me," said Hatteraick.
"Good God! But in India?" exclaimed Glossin.
"No, tousand teyvils, here-on this dirty coast of
yours!" rejoined the prisoner.
"But, Hatteraick, this-that is, if it be true, will ruin us
both, for he cannot but remember."
"I tell you," said the seaman, "it will ruin none
but you, for I am done up already, and if I must strap for it,
all shall out."
Glossin paused-the sweat broke upon his brow; while the
hard-featured miscreant sat opposite coolly rolling his tobacco
in his cheek.
"It would be ruin," said Glossin to himself,
"absolute ruin, if the heir should reappear-and then what
might be the consequences of conniving with these men?"
"Hark you, Hatteraick, I can't set you at liberty, but I can
put you where you can set yourself at liberty. I always like to
assist an old friend."
So he gave him a file.
"There's a friend for you, and you know the way to the sea,
and you must remain snug at the point of Warroch till I see
you."
"The point of Warroch?" Hatteraick's countenance fell.
"What-in the cave? I would rather it was anywhere else. They
say he walks. But donner and blitzen! I never shunned him alive,
and I won't shun him dead!"
The justice dismissed the party to keep guard for the night in
the old castle with a large allowance of food and liquor, with
the full hope and belief that they would spend the night neither
in watching nor prayer. Next morning great was the alarm when the
escape of the prisoner was discovered. When the officers had been
sent off in all directions (except the right one), Glossin went
to Hatteraick in the cave. A light soon broke upon his confusion
of ideas. This missing heir was Vanbeest Brown who had wounded
young Hazlewood. He hastily explained to Dick Hatteraick that his
goods which had been seized were lying in the Custom-house at
Portanferry, and there to the Bridewell beside it be would send
this younker, when he had caught him; would take care that the
soldiers were dispersed, and he, Dick Hatteraick, could land with
his crew, receive his own goods, and carry the younker Brown back
to Flushing.
"Ay, carry him to Flushing," said the captain, "or
to America, or-to Jericho?"
"Psha! Wherever you have a mind."
"Ay, or pitch him overboard?"
"Nay, I advise no violence."
"Nein, nein! You leave that to me Sturm-wetter; I know you
of old. But, hark ye, what am I, Dirk Hatteraick, to be the
better for this?"
Glossin made him understand it would not be safe for either of
them if young Ellangowan settled in the country, and their plans
were soon arranged. None of the old crew were alive but the gipsy
who had sent the news of Brown's whereabouts and identity.
Brown, or, as we may now call him, Harry Bertram, had retreated
into England, but now, hearing that Hazlewood's wound was
trifling, returned and landed at Ellangowan Bay; he approached
the castle, unconscious as the most absolute stranger, where his
ancestors had exercised all but regal dominion.
Confused memories thronged his mind, and he paused by a curious
coincidence on nearly the same spot on which his father had died,
just as Glossin came up the bank with an architect, to whom he
was talking of alterations; Bertram turned short round upon him,
and said:
"Would you destroy this fine old castle, sir?"
He was so exactly like his father in his best days that Glossin
thought the grave had given up its dead. He staggered back, but
instantly recovered, and whispered a few words in the ear of his
companion, who immediately went towards the house, while Glossin
talked civilly to Bertram. By the next evening he was safely
locked up in the Bridewell at Portanferry, until Sir Charles
Hazlewood, the injured youth's father, to whom Glossin had
conducted him, could make inquiries as to the truth of his story.
IV. Bertram's Restoration
Bertram, unable to sleep, gazing out of the window of his prison,
saw a long boat making for the quay. About twenty men landed and
disappeared, and soon a miscellaneous crowd came back, some
carrying torches, some bearing packages and barrels, and a red
glare illuminated land and sea, and shone full on them, as with
ferocious activity they loaded their boats. A fierce attack was
made on the prison gates; they were soon forced, and three or
four smugglers hurried to Bertram's apartment. "Der
teyvil," said the leader, "here's our mark!" And
two of them seized on Bertram, and one whispered, "Make no
resistance till you are in the street."
They dragged him along, and in the confusion outside the gang got
separated. A noise as of a body of horse advancing seemed to add
to the disturbance, the press became furiously agitated, shots
were fired, and the glittering swords of dragoons began to
appear. Now came the warning whisper: "Shake off that
fellow, and follow me!"
Bertram, exerting his strength suddenly, easily burst from the
other man's grasp, and dived through a narrow lane after his
guide, at the end of which stood a postchaise with four horses.
"Get into it," said the guide. "You will soon be
in a place of safety."
They were driven at a rapid rate through the dark lanes, and
suddenly stopped at the door of a large house. Brown, dizzied by
the sudden glare of light, almost unconsciously entered the open
door, and confronted Colonel Mannering; interpreting his fixed
and motionless astonishment into displeasure at his intrusion,
hastened to say it was involuntary.
"Mr. Brown, I believe?" said Colonel Mannering.
"Yes, sir," said the young man modestly but firmly.
"The same you knew in India, and who ventures to hope that
you would favour him with your attestation to his character as a
gentleman and man of honour."
At this critical moment appeared Mr. Pleydell, the lawyer who had
conducted the inquiry as to the disappearance of Harry Bertram,
who happened to be staying with Colonel Mannering, and he
instantly saw the likeness to the late laird.
Bertram was as much confounded at the appearance of those to whom
he so unexpectedly presented himself as they were at the sight of
him. Mr. Pleydell alone was in his element, and at once took upon
himself the whole explanation. His catechism had not proceeded
far before Dominie Sampson rose hastily, with trembling hands and
streaming eyes, and called aloud:
"Harry Bertram, look at me!"
"Yes," said Bertram, starting from his seat-"yes,
that was my name, and that is my kind old master."
* * * * *
When they parted for the night Colonel Mannering walked up to
Bertram, gave him joy of his prospects, and hoped unkindness
would be forgotten between them. It was he who had sent the
postchaise to Portanferry in consequence of a letter he had
received from Meg Merrilies; it was she who had sent back the
soldiers so opportunely, and through her the next day Dirk
Hatteraick was captured; but, unhappily, she was killed by that
ruffian at the moment of the fulfilment of her hopes for the
family of Ellangowan.
Glossin also met the fate he deserved at the hands of Hatteraick,
who had claims to no virtue but fidelity to his shipowners.
* * * * *
Mr. Pleydell carried through his law business successfully, and
we leave him and the colonel examining plans for a new house for
Julia and Bertram on the estate of Ellangowan. Another house on
the estate was to be repaired for the other young couple, Lucy
and Hazlewood, and called Mount Hazlewood.
"And see," said the colonel, "here's the plan of
my bungalow, with all convenience for being separate and sulky
when I please."
"And you will repair the tower for the nocturnal
contemplation of the heavenly bodies. Bravo, colonel!"
"No, no, my dear Pleydell! Here ends the astrologer."