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Glyn Hughes' SQUASHED WRITERS ALL THE BOOKS YOU THINK YOU OUGHT TO HAVE READ In their own words... but magically Squashed into half-hour short stories... |
The
Squashed version of
Travels in
France
by
Arthur Young
1787
I: THE STATE
OF THE COUNTRY IN 1787
May 15.-The strait that separates England, fortunately
for her, from the rest of the world must be crossed many times
before the traveller ceases to be surprised at the sudden and
universal change that surrounds him on landing at Calais. The
scene, the people, the language, every object is new.
The noble improvement of a salt marsh by M. Mourons, of this
town, occasioned my acquaintance some time ago with that
gentleman. I spent an agreeable and instructive evening at his
house.
May 17.-Nine hours rolling at anchor had so fatigued my
mare that I thought it necessary to rest her one day; but this
morning I left Calais. For a few miles the country resembles
parts of Norfolk and Suffolk. The aspect is the same on to
Boulogne. Towards that town I was pleased to find many seats
belonging to people who reside there. How often are false ideas
conceived from reading and report! I imagined, that nobody but
farmers and labourers in France lived in the country; and the
first ride I take in that kingdom shows me a score of country
seats. The road is excellent.
May 18.-Boulogne is not an ugly town, and from the
ramparts of the upper part the view is beautiful. Many persons
from England reside here, their misfortunes in trade or
extravagance in living making their sojourn abroad more agreeable
than at home.
The country around improves. It is more enclosed. There are some
fine meadows about Bonbrie, and several chateaux. I am not
professedly on husbandry in this diary, but must just observe
that it is to the full as bad as the country is good: corn
miserable and yellow with weeds, yet all summer fallowed with
lost attention.
May 22.-Poverty and poor crops to Amiens. Women are now
ploughing with a pair of horses to sow barley. The difference of
the customs of the two nations is in nothing more striking than
in the labours of the sex; in England they will do very little in
the fields except to glean and make hay; the first is a party of
pilfering, and the second of pleasure; in France they plough and
fill the dung-cart.
May 27.-At Versailles. After breakfasting with Count de
la Rochefoucauld at his apartments in the palace, where he is
grand master of the wardrobe, was introduced by him to the Duke
de la Rochefoucauld. As the duke is going to Luchon, in the
Pyrenees, I am to have the honour of being one of the party.
May 30.-At Orleans. The country around is one universal
flat, unenclosed, uninteresting, and even tedious, but the
prospect from the steeple of the fine cathedral is commanding,
extending over an unbounded plain, through which the magnificent
Loire bends his stately way, in sight for fourteen leagues.
May 31.-On leaving Orleans, enter the miserable province
of Sologne. The poor people who cultivate the soil here are metayers,
that is, men who hire the land without ability to stock it; the
proprietor is forced to provide seed and cattle, and he and his
tenant divide the produce; a miserable system that perpetuates
poverty and prevents instruction. The same wretched country
continues to La Loge; the fields are scenes of pitiable
management, as the houses are full of misery. Heaven grant me
patience while I see a country thus neglected.
June. 11.-See for the first time the Pyrenees, at the
distance of 150 miles. Towards Cahors the country changes and is
of a savage aspect, yet houses are seen everywhere, and one-third
of it under vines. The town is bad; its chief trade and resource
are vines and brandies.
June 16.-A ridge of hills on the other side of the
Garonne, which began at Toulouse, became more and more regular
yesterday; and is undoubtedly the most distant ramification of
the Pyrenees, reaching into this vast vale quite to Toulouse, but
no farther. Approach the mountains; the lower ones are all
cultivated, but the higher seem covered with wood. Meet many
wagons, each loaded with two casks of wine, quite backward in the
carriage, and as the hind wheels are much higher than the front
ones, it shows that these mountaineers have more sense than John
Bull.
The wheels of these wagons are all shod with wood instead of
iron. Here, for the first time, see rows of maples, with vines,
trained in festoons from tree to tree; they are conducted by a
rope of bramble, vine cutting or willow. They give many grapes
but bad wine. Pass St. Martine, and then a large village of
well-built houses, without a single glass window.
June 17.-Quit the Garonne some leagues before Serpe,
where the River Neste falls into it. The road to Bagnere is along
this river, in a narrow valley, at one end of which is built the
town of Luchon, the termination of our journey.
Having now crossed the kingdom, and been in many French inns, I
shall in general observe that they are, on an average, better in
two respects, and worse in all the rest, than those in England.
We have lived better in point of eating and drinking than we
should have done in going from London to the Highlands of
Scotland at double the expense.
The common cookery of the French gives great advantage. It is
true they roast everything to a chip if they are not cautioned,
but they give such a number and variety of dishes that if you do
not like some there are others to please your palate. The dessert
at a French inn has no rival at an English one. But you have no
parlour to eat in; only a room with two, three, or four beds.
Apartments badly fitted up, the walls whitewashed, or paper of
different sorts in the same room, or tapestry so old as to be a
fit nidus for moths and spiders, and the furniture such that an
English innkeeper would light his fire with it.
For a table you have everywhere a board laid on cross-bars. Oak
chairs with rush bottoms, and the back universally perpendicular,
defying all idea of rest after fatigue. Doors give music as well
as entrance; the wind whistles through their chinks, and hinges
grate discord. Windows admit rain as well as light; when shut
they are not easy to open, and when open not easy to shut.
Mops, brooms and scrubbing-brushes are not in the catalogue of
the necessaries of a French inn. Bells there are none, the fille
must always be bawled for and, when she appears, is neither neat,
well-dressed, nor handsome. The kitchen is black with smoke, the
master commonly the cook, and the less you see of the cooking the
more likely you are to have a stomach to your dinner. The
mistress rarely classes civility or attention to guests among the
requisites of her trade. We are so unaccustomed in England to
live in bed-chambers that it is at first awkward in France to
find that everybody, let his rank be what it may, lives in his
bed-chamber.
II: WESTERN FRANCE IN 1788
August 27, 1788.-Cherbourg. Not a place for a residence
longer than is necessary. I was here fleeced more infamously than
at any other town in France.
September 5.-To Montauban. The poor people seem poor
indeed; the children terribly ragged, if possible worse clad than
if with no clothes at all; as to shoes and stockings, they are
luxuries. A beautiful girl of six or seven playing with a stick,
and smiling under such a bundle of rags as made my heart ache to
see her. One-third of this province seems uncultivated, and
nearly all of it in misery. What have kings and ministers, and
parliaments and states to answer for their prejudices, seeing
millions of hands that would be industrious idle and starving
through the execrable maxims of despotism, of the equally
detestable prejudices of a feudal nobility. Slept at the Lion
d'Or, an abominable hole.
September 21.-Came to an improvement in the midst of
sombre country. Four good houses of stone and slate, and a few
acres run to wretched grass, which have been tilled, but all
savage, and become almost as rough as the rest. I was afterwards
informed that this improvement, as it is called, was wrought by
Englishmen, at the expense of a gentleman they ruined as well as
themselves. I demanded how it had been done. Pare and bum, and
sow wheat then rye, and then oats. Thus it is for ever and ever!
The same follies, blundering and ignorance, and then all the
fools in the country said, as they do now, that these wastes are
good for nothing.
The 22nd.-At Nantes, a town which has that sign of
prosperity of new buildings that never deceives. The quarter of
the Comédie is magnificent, all the streets at right angles and
of white stone. Nantes is as enflamme in the cause of
liberty as any town in France can be.
The conversations I have witnessed here prove how great a change
is effected in the mind of the French; nor do I believe it will
be possible for the present government to last half a century
longer. The American revolution has laid the foundation of
another in France. On the 23rd one of the twelve prisoners from
the Bastille arrived here. He was the most violent of them all,
and his imprisonment had not silenced him. It wanted no great
spirit of prophecy to foretell this revolution; but later events
have shown that I was very wide of the mark when I talked of
fifty years.
The twelve gentlemen of Bretagne deputed to Versailles, mentioned
above, were sent with a denunciation of the ministers for their
suspension of provincial parliaments. They were at once sent to
the Bastille. It was this war of the king and the parliaments
that brought about the assembly of the States-General, the step
being decided on by the Assembly of Grenoble, July 21, 1788.
Ill: THE FERMENT OF REVOLUTION
June 5, 1789.-Passage to Calais; fourteen hours for
reflection in a vehicle that does not allow one power to reflect.
The 8th.-At Paris, which is at present in such a ferment
about the States-General, now holding at Versailles, that
conversation is absolutely absorbed by them. The nobility and
clergy demand one thing, the Commons another. The king, court,
nobility, clergy, army and parliament are nearly in the same
situation. All these consider with equal dread the ideas of
liberty now afloat; except the king, who, for reasons obvious to
those who know his character, troubles himself little even with
circumstances that concern him the most intimately.
The 9th.-The business going forward at present in the
pamphlet shops of Paris is incredible. Every hour produces
something new. This spirit of reading political tracts spreads
into the provinces, so that all presses of France are equally
employed. Nineteen-twentieths of these productions are in favour
of liberty, and commonly violent against the clergy and nobility.
Is it not wonderful that, while the press teems with the most
levelling and seditious principles, that if put into execution
would overturn the monarchy, nothing in reply appears, and not
the least step is taken by the court to restrain this extreme
licentiousness of publication? It is easy to conceive the spirit
that must thus be raised among the people.
The 10th.-Everything conspires to render the present
period in France critical. The want of bread is terrible, and
accounts arrive every moment from the provinces of riots and
disturbances, and calling in the military to preserve the peace
of the markets. It appears that there would have been no real
scarcity if M. Necker would have let the corn trade alone.
The 15th.-This has been a rich day, and such a one as
ten years ago none could believe would ever arrive in France.
Went to the Hall of States at Versailles, a very important debate
being expected on the condition of the nation. M. L'Abbé Sièyes
opened it. He is a violent republican, absolutely opposed to the
present government, which he thinks too bad to be regulated, and
wishes to see overturned. He speaks uneloquently but logically.
M. Ie Comte Mirabeau replied, speaking without notes for near an
hour in most eloquent style. He opposed with great force the
reasoning of the abbé, and was loudly applauded.
The 20th.-News! News! Everyone stares at what everyone
might have expected. A message from the king to the presidents of
the three orders, that he should meet them on Monday; and, under
pretence of preparing the hall for the occasion, the French
guards were placed with bayonets to prevent any of the deputies
entering the room. The circumstances of doing this ill-judged act
of violence have been as ill-advised as the act itself.
The 26th.-Every hour that passes seems to give the
people fresh spirit. The meetings at the Palais are more numerous
and more violent. Nothing less than a revolution in the
government and a free constitution is talked of by all ranks of
people; but the supine stupidity of the court is without example.
The king's offers of negotiation have been rejected. He changes
his mind from day to day.
The 15th.-At Nancy. Letters from Paris announce that all
is confusion. The ministry has been removed and M. Necker ordered
to quit France quietly. All to whom I spoke agreed that it was
fatal news, and that it would occasion great commotion. I am told
on every hand that everything is to be feared from the people,
because bread is so dear; they are half starved, and consequently
ready for commotion. But they are waiting on Paris, which shows
the importance of great cities in the life of a nation. Without
Paris I question whether the present revolution, which is fast
working in France, could have had an origin.
The 20th-To Strasburg, through one of the richest scenes
of cultivation in France. I arrived there at a crisis, for a
detachment of troops had brought interesting news of the revolt
in Paris-the Gardes Françaises joining the people; the little
dependence on the rest of the troops; the storming of the
Bastille; in a word, of the absolute overthrow of the old
government.
The 21st.-I have been witness to scenes curious to a
foreigner, but dreadful to Frenchmen who are considering. Passing
through the square to the Hôtel de Ville, the mob were breaking
the windows with stones, notwithstanding an officer and
detachment of horse were there. Perceiving that the troops would
not attack them, the rioters grew more violent, broke the windows
of the Hotel de Ville, attempted to beat in the door with iron
bars, and placed ladders to the windows.
In about a quarter of an hour they burst through and entered like
a torrent. From that minute a shower of casements, shutters,
chairs, tables, sofas, books, papers, pictures, etc., rained
incessantly from all the windows of the house, and next followed
tiles, skirting boards, banisters, framework, and everything that
could be detached from the building. The troops were quiet
spectators.
IV-IN PARIS AFTER THE TOUR
January 3, 1700.-Through the Forest of Fontainebleau to
Melun and Paris. At Paris I went to my old quarters, the Hotel de
la Rochefoucauld.
The 4th- After breakfast walk in the gardens of the
Tuileries, where there is the most extraordinary sight that
either French or English eyes could ever behold at Paris. The
king, walking with six grenadiers of the milice bourgeoise,
with an officer or two of his household and a page. The doors of
the gardens are kept shut in respect to him, in order to exclude
everybody but deputies or those who have tickets. When he entered
the palace the doors were thrown open to all without distinction,
though the queen was still walking with a lady of her court. She
also was attended so closely by the citizen guards that she could
not speak, but in a low voice, without being heard by them.
A mob followed her, talking very loud. Her majesty does not
appear to be in health; but the king is as plump as ease can
render him. By his orders there, is a little garden railed off
for the Dauphin to amuse himself in.
He is a very pretty, good-natured-looking boy of five or six
years old, with an agreeable countenance; wherever he goes all
hats are taken off, which I was glad to observe. All the family
being kept thus close prisoners (for such they are in effect)
afford, at first view, a shocking spectacle; and it is really so,
if the fact were not absolutely necessary to effect the
revolution.
The 18th-After dining at the Duke of Liancourt's, at night
friends carried me to the Revolution Club at the Jacobins. The
room was that where the famous league was signed. There were
above a hundred deputies present, with a president in the chair;
I was introduced to him as the author of the Arithmetique
Politique; the president, standing up, repeated my name to the
company, and demanded if there were any objections. None; and
this is all the ceremony, not merely of an introduction but of an
election.
In this club the business that is to be brought into the National
Assembly is regularly debated, and whatever passes in the club is
almost sure to pass in the Assembly.