Lets play some more:

Signs An Athlete Is Using A Banned Substance
Reasons You Didn't Win Wimbledon

SIGNS AN ATHELETE IS USING A BANNED SUBSTANCE

Get "psyched" before each competition by banging his head against a locker, although he's on the chess team.

Her javelin was shot down by jet fighters.

Killed two spectators and a line judge with his forehand lob at this year's French Open.

Although a sprinter, he won both the Indy 500 *and* the Preakness.

Swimmer's refusal to trim beard and wax chest costs her valuable seconds in the 100 metre freestyle.

His red and yellow jersey reads, "Track Cartel de Colombia."

Absent-mindedly shows up at starting blocks with syringe dangling from arm.

Remainder of high jump event postponed until he lands.

Somehow manages to win the 100 metre butterfly without getting wet.

Signs new contract for $6 over 2 million years.

Instead of exploding out of the blocks, he just explodes.

According to the urine test, he's six-week's pregnant.

Breaks his pelvis but insists he can just "walk it off."

Has switched her shower song from "I Feel Pretty" to "Old Man River."

Forget Nike and Reebok -- he's got endorsement deals with Merck and Glaxo.

REASONS YOU DIDN'T WIN WIMBLEDON

Never recovered emotionally after the queen mother goosed you.

Forgot your hormone injections in your other purse.

Besides your score, only thing with that many zeros is Bud Collins' bar tab.

Given your lactose intolerance, carbo-loading on strawberries and cream wasn't such a good idea.

Couldn't quite get close enough to employ your "Tyson strategy."

Even the guy who announces, "Quiet Please," couldn't contain his laughter after watching you serve.

Racket strung not with not "cat gut," but with entire cat.

Ball boys secretly replaced with soccer hooligans.

Pounding shooters at the local pub wasn't what your coach meant when he said you needed to "practice your slam."

Too busy reassuring your new wife that she is, in fact, "Must See TV" and not a no-talent has-been.

Your best game on grass? Scrounging change out of the couch before the pizza guy arrives.

Distracted by Prince Charles-led wave reflecting off Agassi's head.

New endorsement deal with Glenlivet required you to cradle a tumbler of scotch throughout the match.

The only time you've ever served an Ace was when you slapped a restraining order on Kiss.

British just too stuffy to accept your modern "Butt-Cheek Racquet Grip."