Lets get on with more jokes:

Barbie For Christmas
Technical Support
A Dog Called "Sex"

BARBIE FOR CHRISTMAS

Did you hear about the little girl who asked Santa for a Barbie and a G.I. Joe for Christmas?

"Oh, but Barbie comes with Ken", Santa said.

"No" the little girl replied to Santa, "Barbie comes with G.I. Joe, she only fakes it with Ken!"

TECHNICAL SUPPORT

*ring* *ring*

"Hello! Local ISP, how can I help you?"

"Well, I was sorta hoping someone could walk me through taking a leak." "Okay... well, do you have to go now?"

"Yes, I do."

"Okay... well, are you on male or female equipment?"

"MALE-CLONE..."

"Okay, the first thing we want to do is find your fly."

"My what?"

"Your fly... it opens your pants. It should be in the front of you. Look down."

"I see shoes."

"No, sir... look sorta in the front of you... like just below your stomach.

You should see some metal on your pants. That's your fly."

"The round thing?"

"Well, that's your button... let's open that, too, while we're down there. The fly looks like alot of little metal things sideways."

"Oh, okay... got it. Okay, it's open." "Okay, sir... can you grab your willy?" "No."

"Do you see your willy?"

"No."

"Okay... what do you see?"

"I see white... just white and some lines." "Do you have underwear installed?"

"No."

"Sir, if you can't see your willy, and you see only white... I think that

you may have underwear installed. We are going to have to uninstall your

underwear to take a leak."

"Well, my friend was the last one to use my fly... he might have installed underwear."

"Okay, sir... well grab the white part and pull down... keep pulling until you see your willy."

"It's stuck... it won't go down."

"The white part? Or your willy?"

"My willy."

"DON'T pull down on your willy, sir... just the underwear... we only want to get to the point where we can see it."

"Oh... okay, we're there..."

"Okay... now look around the room... do you see anything made of porcelain?"

"I see a little penguin on a shelf..."

"Okay, sir... you're in the living room. Go to the bathroom. We can't take a leak until we are in the bathroom. The bathroom will have a lot of tile, maybe some carpeting... yours might have mirrors or some soap in it.

Some people have showers in their bathrooms."

"Well, I'm downstairs... I think the bathroom is upstairs..."

"Okay, well, let's go upstairs."

"I can't walk."

"Okay, sir... temporarily reinstall your underwear... then go upstairs... then uninstall your underwear again..."

"That was the white part, right?"

"Yes, sir... that's correct."

"Okay, I'm upstairs..."

"Okay... now do you see any porcelain bowl-type things?" "Well, there's two..."

"How tall are you sir?"

"5'4"."

"Okay... go to the one where it's lower than your willy." "Okay... I'm there."

"Okay... now make sure that you are pointing toward the porcelain bowl.

Now just go."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, when it pops up... just hit "okay"."

A DOG CALLED "SEX"

Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him ``Rover'' or ``Spot''. I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to the City Hall to renew the dog's license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex. He said, ``I would like to have one too!'' Then I said, ``But she is a dog!'' He said he didn't care what she looked like. I said, ``You don't understand. ... I have had Sex since I was nine years old.'' He replied, ``You must have been quite a strong boy.''

When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding was over. I said, ``But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole world revolves around Sex.'' He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church. I told him everyone would enjoy having Sex at the wedding. The next day we were married at the Justice of the Peace. My family is barred from the church from then on.

When my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I took the dog with me. When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for me and my wife and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the motel is a place for sex. I said, ``You don't understand. ... Sex keeps me awake at night.'' The clerk said, ``Me too!''

One day I entered Sex in a contest. But before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around. I told him that I was going to have Sex in the contest. He said that I should have sold my own tickets. ``You don't understand,'' I said, ``I hoped to have Sex on TV.'' He called me a show off.

When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, ``Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married but Sex left me after I was married.'' The Judge said, ``Me too!''

Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over for her. A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning. I said, ``I'm looking for Sex.'' -- My case comes up next week.

Well now I've been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more damn troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw. Why just the other day when I went for my first session with the psychiatrist, she asked me, ``What seems to be the trouble?'' I replied, ``Sex has been my best friend all my life but now it has left me for ever. I couldn't live any longer so lonely.'' and the doctor said, ``Look mister, you should understand that sex isn't a man's best friend so get yourself a dog.''