Lets get on with more jokes:

Nelson Mandela
Staying Power
Cat Food

NELSON MANDELA

Nelson Mandela is at home watching TV when there is a knock at the door. A Japanese deliveryman is clutching a clipboard, pointing to a truck full of car exhausts in the driveway and yelling: "you sign, you sign". The bewildered president will do no such thing and slams the door. The next day, the man is back, waving a clipboard under the great man's nose, gesturing to a truckload of brake pads and insisting: "you sign, you sign".

Nelson gets rid of the man again, but next day he's back with two truckloads of car parts, once again insisting that the president sign for the goods. Mandela loses his temper and yells: "look, I don't want these. Do you understand? You have the wrong name". Puzzled, the Japanese man consults his clipboard and asks: "You not Nissan Maindealer?"

STAYING POWER

An Italian and a Jew were arguing over which one could make a dime go further. So they decided to get together later in the week and compare.

So when the did, the Jew goes first. He says: "I took my dime and bought a cigarette. The first day, I smoked half and saved the ashes. The second day, I smoked the other half and saved the ashes. The third day, I ate the butt and fertilized my plant with the ashes I saved.

The Italian replies: "That's nothing! I took my dime and bought a sausage. The first day, I scooped out half and ate it. The second day, I scooped out the other half and ate it. The third day, I took a shit in the empty casing, took it back to the store and said 'This sausage smells like shit' and got my dime back!"

CAT FOOD

This woman has her bridge club every Thursday night and after a peaceful game or two with the ladies, she goes home to fix her husband dinner when he gets home from work. Well, one Thursday, she's playing a great game and she has an incredible hand when she notices the time. "Oh, no! I have to go fix my husband his dinner! He's going to be so angry if it's not ready on time." And she dashes out fo her friend's house, her great hand forgotten on the table.

When she gets home, she realizes she has very little time, not enough time to go to the grocery store, and all she has in the cupboard is a wilted lettuce leaf, an egg, and a can of cat food. In a panic, she opens the can of cat food, stirs in the egg, and garnishes it with the lettuce leaf just as her husband is pulling up. She watches in horror as he sits down to his dinner, and then she realizes he is loving it!

"Mmmm, honey, this is the best dinner you have made for me in forty years of marriage. You can make this for me any old day, mmmmm!" And that night they had sex for the first time in months and it was great!

Needless to say, every Thursday from then on, she made this dinner for her husband. She tells her bridge cronies about it and they are all horrified. "You're going to kill him," they say, or "He's just yanking your chain," but she continued to make him his cat food dinner and then, afterwards, they would boink like fiends.

Two months later, her husband died and all the bridge women the Thursday after the funeral attacked our new widow for being so callous. "You killed him! We told you that feeding him that cat food every week would do him in! How can you just sit there so calmly and play bridge knowing you murdered your husband?"

The wife stoicly replied, "Ahh, I didn't kill him, he fell off the mantel when he was licking his ass."