Lets get on with more jokes:

The Tattoo
The Knob
The Lone Ranger
The Elf
The 200

THE TATTOO

A man went to a tattooist and said, "Can you tattoo a £50 note onto my penis?"

The tattooist replied, "Yes, I can do that but, if you don't mind, can you tell me why?"

"Yes", said the man, "Firstly, I like to handle money, I also like to see money grow. And my wife likes to blow money, she'll be able to do it without leaving the house".

THE KNOB

This just came in from the WHO report:

The World Health Organisation recently did a research in determining the function of the knob at the end of the penis.

The Russians put in a million dollars and came up with the results saying that the knob is there merely to please a man during sexual encounters.

The French also put in a million dollars but came up with a different conclusion citing that the knob is there for the pleasure of a woman.

The Poles put in $2.98 and discovered that the function of a knob is to prevent the hand from slipping off!!!!

THE LONE RANGER

The Lone Ranger, while hunting down some low-down-murderous scum, is captured.

Fortunately, Silver escapes. The bad guys decide to take Loney out into the desert and tie him down, naked, to stakes. Once they are satisfied that he is secured, they leave him to die slowly.

Silver appears at the scene. The Lone Ranger says to him, "Silver, go to town and get the posse!" Silver rears back, whinnies, and charges off to town, many miles away.

All day, in the blistering sun, the Lone Ranger survives. Just as he thinks the end is near, night falls. Though relieved at first, he begins to get colder and colder. By sheer will power, he manages to survive the night. As dawn breaks, he hears the thundering of horse hooves. Up gallops Silver with a naked woman on his back.

"Goddammit, Silver, I said 'POSSE'!!!"

THE ELF

A girl is walking in the woods one day, thinking what a wonderful day it was and how the sky looked wonderfully blue. She was humming softly to herself, as she wound her way around the twisting and turning path through the trees and undergrowth when suddenly among the shrubbery she saw a little elf sitting on a giant toadstool with his head between his knees. She strolled nervously up to him not wanting to disturb him.

"Excuse me," she said gently "are you a Goblin?"

"No," he replied, "I've just got a headache..."

THE 200

This guy goes over to his buddies house and knocks on the door, it opens and there stands his friends wife. "Is John home?" he asks. She replies "No I'm sorry he's gone out to run a few errands."

"Would you mind if I came in and waited for a few minutes?" She opens the door and he follows her down the hall and into the kitchen. "I can't help to notice how beautiful your breasts look in that robe. I will pay you $100 if I could just see one of them." The woman thinks it over for a moment and figures why not, it is a $100.

She opens her robe exposing one of her breasts as the man reaches for his wallet, pulls out a $100 bill and throws it on the table. Shortly there after while drinking his coffee he asks "Your breast was so beautiful, I've got to see them both at the same time, I will pay you another $100 if you will show me them both."

She once again thinks for a moment and decides, what the hell and opens her robe giving him a good long look. He then opens his wallet, grabs another $100 throws it on the table and says, "I can't wait any longer, I must get going. Please tell John I came by."

About ten minutes pass and John comes home. His wife meets him in the hall and says "Your friend came by, you just missed him, he left ten minutes ago." John replies, "Did he drop off the $200 bucks he owes me?"