Lets get on with more jokes:

Golfing Genie
The Genie
Two Statues

GOLFING GENIE

A husband and wife were out enjoying a round of golf and were about to tee off on the third hole, which was lined by beautiful homes. The wife sliced her shot and the ball smashed through the window of a large house. They walked over to assess the damage. They peeked inside the home and found a man sitting on a carpet with a large red turban on his head.

"Are you the owner of the house?" they asked.

"No," he replied, "Someone just hit a ball through the window, knocked over that little vase, and freed me from my bottle. I am very grateful! In fact, I am so grateful, I will grant you two wishes, but the third I will keep for myself" .

The husband and wife agreed on two wishes...one was for a scratch handicap for the husband, to which the wife readily agreed. The other was for an income of $1,000,000 per year forever. The genie nodded and said, "Done!" The genie now said, "For my wish I would like to have my wicked way with your wife. I have not been with a woman for many years and after all, I have made you a scratch golfer and millionaire."

"Alright", they agreed.

When the act was done, the genie then asked the wife "How long have you been married?" She replied, "3 years." The genie then asked, "And how old is your husband?" She replied, "He's 31." The genie then asked, "And how long has he believed in all this genie stuff?"

THE GENE

A man goes into a bar with a small box. He asks the bartender, "If I show you the neatest thing you've ever seen, will you give me a free drink?"

The bartender says, "Sure, but I have to warn you, I've seen a LOT of things in my time."

The man says, "Yeah, but you've never seen anything like this." So he opens the box and there sits a little man at a piano, jamming away. He plays Bach, he plays Beethoven, he plays it all. The bartender is impressed, to say the least.

"That IS the neatest thing I've ever seen! Where did you get him?" the bartender asks.

"Well, I was walking on the beach, found this lamp and rubbed it, and a genie came out and granted me a wish," the man said.

The bartender eyes the lamp. "Do you think I could have a wish, too?" he asks.

"Sure," says the man. So the bartender rubs the lamp, the genie pops out, and the bartender says, "I want a million bucks."

POOF! The bar is filled with ducks. They're flying around, they're crapping on everything, they are EVERYWHERE.

The bartender yells at the man, "Why didn't you tell me that genie wasn't worth a damn?"

The man replies, "You don't REALLY think I wished for a twelve-inch PIANIST, do you?"

TWO STATUES

For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven.

"You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to them, "That I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want." And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.

The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces.

"You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking at them.

Grinning even more widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll shit on its head."