Lets get on with more of the business:

Ways to Cope With Stress
Oldies

WAYS TO COPE WITH STRESS

Jam miniature marshmallows up your nose and sneeze them out. See how many you can do at a time.

Use your Mastercard to pay your Visa, and vice-versa.

Pop some popcorn without putting the lid on.

When someone says "Have a nice day", tell them you have other plans.

Make a list of things to do that you have already done.

Dance naked in front of your pets.

Put your toddler's clothes on backwards and send him to pre-school as if nothing is wrong.

Fill out your tax form using Roman Numerals.

Tape pictures of your boss on watermelons and launch them from high places.

Leaf through "National Geographic" and draw underwear on the natives.

Tattoo "Out to Lunch" on your forehead.

Go shopping. Buy everything. Sweat in it. Return it the next day.

Buy a subscription to "Sleazoid Weekly" and send it to your boss's husband/wife.

Pay your electric bill in pennies.

Drive to work in reverse.

Find out what a frog in a blender really looks like.

Tell your boss to "blow it out your mule", and let him figure it out.

Sit naked on a shelled hard-boiled egg.

Polish your car with earwax.

Read the dictionary upside down and look for secret messages.

Start a nasty rumor and see if you recognize it when it comes back to you.

Braid the hairs in each nostril.

Write a short story using alphabet soup.

Stare at people through the tines of a fork and pretend they're in jail.

Make a language up and ask people for directions in it.

Bill your Doctor for the time you spent in his waiting room.

Get a box of condoms, wait in line at the check-out counter and ask the cashier where the fitting rooms are.

OLDIES

OLD ACADEMICS never die, they just loose their faculties

OLD ACCOUNTANTS never die, they just lose their balance

OLD ACTORS never die, they just drop a part

OLD ARCHERS never die, they just bow and quiver

OLD ARCHITECTS never die, they just lose their structures

OLD BANKERS never die, they just lose interest

OLD BASKETBALL players never die, they just go on dribbling

OLD BEEKEEPERS never die, they just buzz off

OLD BLONDES never fade, they just dye away

OLD BOOKKEEPERS never die, they just lose their figures

OLD BOWLERS never die, they just end up in the gutter

OLD BUREAUCRATS never die, they just waste away

OLD CASHIERS never die, they just check out

OLD CHAUFFEURS never die, they just lose their drive

OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just do it inorganically

OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just fail to react

OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just lose their refluxes

OLD CLEANING PEOPLE never die, they just kick the bucket

OLD COMPOSERS never die, they just decompose

OLD COMPUTER PEOPLE never die, they just lose their memory

OLD COOKS never die, they just get deranged

OLD DAREDEVILS never die, they just get discouraged

OLD DEANS never die, they just lose their faculties

OLD DOCTORS never die, they just lose their patience

OLD ELECTRICAL ENGINEERS never die, they just have slower rise times

OLD ELECTRICIANS never die, they just lose contact

OLD ENGINEERS never die, they just lose their bearings

OLD FARMERS never die, they just go to seed

OLD FARMERS never die, they just spade away

OLD FISHERMEN never die, they just smell that way

OLD FROGS never die, but they do croak

OLD GARAGEMEN never die, they just retire

OLD GEOLOGISTS never die, they just recrystalize

OLD GRAPHIC ARTISTS never die, they just de-rez

OLD HARDWARE ENGINEERS never die, they just cache in their chips

OLD HIPPIES never die, they just smell that way

OLD HUNTERS never die, they just stay LOADED

OLD HYPOCHONDRIACS never die, they just lose their grippe

OLD INVESTORS never die, they just roll over

OLD JOURNALISTS never die, they just get de-pressed

OLD KEY PUNCH OPERATORS never die, they just punch out

OLD KNIGHTS IN CHAIN MAIL never die, they just shuffle off their metal coils

OLD LASER PHYSICISTS never die, they just become incoherent

OLD LAWYERS never die, they just loose their briefs

OLD LAWYERS never die, they just lose their appeal

OLD LIMBO DANCERS never die, they just go under

OLD LINGUISTS never die, they just rearrange their deep structures

OLD MAIDS count on fingers, but young girls count on legs

OLD MATHEMATICIANS never die, they just disintegrate

OLD MILKMAIDS never die, they just lose their whey

OLD MUSICIANS never die, they just decompose

OLD MUSICIANS never die, they just get played out

OLD MUSICIANS never die, they just go from bar to bar

OLD NUMERICAL ANALYSTS never die, they just get disarrayed

OLD OWLS never die, they just don't give a hoot

OLD PACIFISTS never die, they just go to peaces

OLD PHOTOGRAPHERS never die, they just stop developing

OLD PILOTS never die, they just buzz off

OLD PILOTS never die, they just go to a higher plane

OLD POLICEMEN never die, they just cop out

OLD PRINTERS never die, they're just not the type

OLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just byte it

OLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just decompile

OLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just go to bits

OLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just loose their memory

OLD PROGRAMMING WIZARDS never die, they just recurse

OLD QUARTERBACKS never die, they just pass away

OLD SAILORS never die, they just get a little "DINGHY"

OLD SCHOOLS never die, they just lose their principals

OLD SCULPTORS never die, they just lose their marbles

OLD SEERS never die, they just lose their vision

OLD SEWAGE WORKERS never die, they just waste away

OLD SHEETROCKERS (dry wallers) never die, they just hang around

OLD STEELMAKERS never die, they just lose their temper

OLD STUDENTS never die, they just get degraded

OLD SYSTEM USERS never die, they just chdir to NULL

OLD TANNERS never die, they just go into hiding

OLD TEACHERS never die, they just lose their class

OLD THERMODYNAMICISTS never die, they just achieve their state of maximum entropy

OLD TRUCK DRIVERS never die; they just get a new Peterbilt

OLD USENETTERS never die, they just become unresponsive

OLD WHITE WATER RAFTERS never die, they just get disgorged

OLD WRESTLERS never die, they just lose their grip

OLD POSTMEN never die, they just lose their zip

WALT DISNEY didn't die, he's in suspended animation

There is no conclusive evidence about what happens to old skeptics, but their future is doubtful