Lets get on with more of the business:

Why Sleep Is Better Than Sex
Why Chocolate Is Better Than Sex
Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road

WHY SLEEP IS BETTER THAN SEX

You don't feel guilty about doing it alone.

No one will start rumors about how much you sleep.

You won't complain in the morning about not getting any.

You don't have to pay for sleep.

You don't need to sleep after sleeping.

Sleep can last a good eight hours.

You can sleep in church.

While sleeping, you can have sex with anyone you want.

Your teddy bear never complains.

It's legal to sleep in any position all around the world.

WHY CHOCOLATE IS BETTER THAN SEX

You can GET chocolate.

"If you love me you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate.

Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft.

You can safely have chocolate while you are driving.

You can make chocolate last as long as you want it to.

You can have chocolate in front of your grandma.

If you bite the nuts too hard the chocolate won't mind.

Two people of the same sex can have chocolate without being called nasty names.

The word "commitment" doesn't scare off chocolate.

You can have chocolate on top of your desk during working hours without upsetting your work mates.

You can ask a stranger for chocolate without getting your face slapped.

You don't get hairs in your mouth with chocolate.

With chocolate there's no need to fake it.

Chocolate doesn't make you pregnant.

You can have chocolate at any time of the month.

Good chocolate is easy to find.

You can have as many kinds of chocolate as you can handle.

You are never too young or too old for chocolate.

When you have chocolate it does not keep your neighbors awake.

With chocolate size doesn't matter; it's always good.

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD

Plato : For the greater good.

Karl Marx : It was a historical inevitability.

Thomas de Torquemada : Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

Timothy Leary : Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.

Douglas Adams : Forty-two.

Oliver North : National Security was at stake.

Albert Einstein : Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

Salvador Dali : The Fish.

Ernest Hemingway : To die. In the rain.

Werner Heisenberg : We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.

Jack Nicholson : 'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored) reason.

Ronald Reagan : I forget.

Henry David Thoreau : To live deliberately... and suck all the marrow out of life.

Joseph Stalin : I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omelette.

Machiavelli : So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken's dominion maintained.

Hippocrates : Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.

Telstra Management : Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market.Telstra management, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM) T.M helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge capital, and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes, and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Telstra Management convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with T.M consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution.Telstra Management helped the chicken change to become more successful.

Coalition Frontbencher : Because although the bird's shares in the current side of the road couldn't really be seen to be influencing the bird's portfolio responsibilities, there was a technical breach of the bird's alliance with the current side of the road and the code of conduct for ministerial responsibility.

Pauline Hanson : Because that's where they belong. They don't deserve to be on this side of the road. They've 'fowled' this side of the road enough with their presence. Why don't they go back to the side of the road where they came from! We're in danger of being AVIANISED.

The Grimm Brothers : It wasn't a chicken anymore, it was a slender beautiful swan. And all the other swans crossed the road together with the beautiful swan and they lived happily ever after.

Arnold Schwarzenegger : HE VILL BE BACK! He is chust going to the chymnasium.

Sylvester Stallone : Waada waadha aa waadha waa.

Nietzsche : Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.

Carl Jung : The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.

Jean-Paul Sartre : In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.

Ludwig Wittgenstein : The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and "road," and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.

Aristotle : To actualize its potential.

Buddha : If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.

Darwin : It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.

Emily Dickinson : Because it could not stop for death.

Epicurus : For fun.

Ralph Waldo Emerson : It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

Johann Friedrich von Goethe : The eternal hen-principle made it do it.

David Hume : Out of custom and habit.

Saddam Hussein : The chicken crossed the road as an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

Pyrrho the Skeptic : What road?

John Sununu : The Air Force was only too happy to provide the transportation, so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of the opportunity.

The Sphinx : You tell me.

Mark Twain : The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

Stephen Jay Gould : It is possible that there is a sociobiological explanation for it, but we fact that we have little direct evidence about the genetics of behavior, and we do not know how to obtain it for the specific behaviors that figure most prominently in sociobiological speculation.

Captain James T. Kirk : To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

Noam Chomsky : The chicken didn't exactly cross the road. As of 1994, something like 99.8% of all US chickens reaching maturity that year, had spent 82% of their lives in confinement. The living conditions in most chicken coops break every international law ever written, and some, particularly the ones for chickens bound for slaughter, border on inhumane. My point is, they had no chance to cross the road (unless you count the ride to the supermarket). Even if one or two have crossed roads for whatever reason, most never get a chance. Of course, this is not what we are told. Instead, we see chickens happily dancing around on Sesame Street and Foster Farms commercials where chickens are not only crossing roads, but driving trucks (incidentally, Foster Farms is owned by the same people who own the Foster Freeze chain, a subsidiary of the dairy industry). Anyway, ... (Chomsky continues for 32 pages. For the full text of his answer, contact (Odonian Press)

Andy Cole: It was actually aiming for the Central Reservation . . .