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How To Satisfy A Man
Quotes from The Male Perspective
The Problem With Men From A Females Perspective

HOW TO SATISFY A MAN

Show up naked.

QUOTES FROM THE MALE PERSPECTIVE

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.

Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

A man was complaining to a friend: "I had it all - money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman; then, Pow! It was all gone!""What happened?" asked the friend. "My wife found out..."

Wife: Let's go out and have some fun tonight. Husband: Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.

How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.

A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, "Honey, pack up your things! I just won the California lottery!" She replies, "Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?" The man responds, "I don't care. Just get the hell out!"

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street bald and still think they are beautiful!

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months-I don't like to interrupt her. A man without a woman is like a fish without a bicycle.

If your wife and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose, would you go to lunch or to a movie? A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.

THE PROBLEM WITH MEN FROM A FEMALES PERSPECTIVE

Q: Why do men like love at first sight?

A: It saves them a lot of time.

Q: A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of?

A: Dating children.

Q: How can you tell soap operas are fictional?

A: In real life, men aren't affectionate out of bed.

Q: What should you give a man who has everything?

A: A woman to show him how to work it.

Q: Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating?

A: To stop the snoring before it starts.

Q: Why don't men have mid-life crises?

A: They stay stuck in adolescence.

Q: How does a man show he's planning for the future?

A: He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

Q: How was Colonel Sanders a typical male?

A:All he cared about were legs, breasts, and thighs.

Q: How is being at a singles bar different from going to a circus?

A: At the circus the clowns don't talk.

Q: What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

A: The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Q: What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he is God's gift?

A: Exchange him.

Q: Why do bachelors like smart women?

A: Opposites attract.

Q: Why are husbands like lawn mowers?

A: They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and don't work half the time.

Q: What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?

A: After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

Q: Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?

A: Just when its getting interesting, they're finished until next time.

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

A: Breasts don't have eyes.

Q: What is the thinnest book in the world?

A: What Men Know About Women.

Q: What's a man's idea of foreplay?

A: A half hour of begging.

Q: How can you tell if a man is sexually excited?

A: He's breathing.

Q: What's the difference between men and government bonds?

A: Bonds mature.

Q: How do you save a man from drowning?

A: Take your foot off his head.

Q: Why are blonde jokes so short?

A: So men can remember them.

Q: What do men and beer bottles have in common?

A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?

A: We don't know, its never happened.