Lets get on with more Men: Because We Are Men BECAUSE WE ARE MEN If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the Rat
Race, you're a Male Chauvinist Pig. If you stay home and do the housework, you're a pansy. If you work too hard, there is never any time for her and the kids. If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing layabout. If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation.
If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off
your ass and find something better. If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favouritism. If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity. If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment. If you keep quiet, it's male indifference. If you cry, you're a Sheila. If you don't, you're an insensitive bastard. If you thump her, it's wife-bashing. If she thumps you, it's self-defense. If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist. If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.
If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination.
If she asks you, it's a favour. If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear, you're a
pervert. If you don't, you're a poofter. If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you're sexist.
If you don't, you're unromantic. If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain. If you don't, you're a slob. If you buy her flowers, you're after something. If you don't, you're not thoughtful. If you're proud of your achievements, you're up yourself. If you don't, you're not ambitious. If you ask for a cuddle, you never think of anything but sex. If you're totally whacked after a hard day's work, you don't give a
stuff about other people's needs. If she has a headache, she's tired. If you have a headache, you don't love her any more. If you want it too often, you're oversexed. If you don't, there must be someone else. THE MALE STAGES OF LIFE
The Male Stages Of Life
Age
What
17
25
35
48
66
AGE DRINK
beer
beer
vodka
double vodka
Maalox
SEDUCTION LINE
My parents are away for the weekend.
My girlfriend is away for the weekend.
My fiancee is away for the weekend.
My wife is away for the weekend.
My second wife is dead.
FAVORITE SPORT
sex
sex
sex
sex
napping
DRUG
pot
coke
really good coke
power
coke, a limousine, the company jet
DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE
"tongue"
"breakfast"
"She didn't set back my therapy."
"I didn't have to meet her kids."
"Got home alive."
FAVORITE FANTASY
getting to third
airplane sex
menage a trois
taking the company public
Swiss maid/Nazi love slave
HOUSE PET
roaches
stoned-out college roommate
Irish setter
children from his first marriage
Barbi
WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?
25
35
48
66
17
IDEAL DATE
Triple Stephen King feature at a drive-in
"Split the check before we go back to my place"
"Just come over."
"Just come over and cook."
sex in the company jet on the way to Vegas.
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