Lets get on with more Men:

Because We Are Men
The Male Stages Of Life


BECAUSE WE ARE MEN


If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the Rat Race, you're a Male Chauvinist Pig.

If you stay home and do the housework, you're a pansy.

If you work too hard, there is never any time for her and the kids.

If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing layabout.

If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation.

If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your ass and find something better.

If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favouritism.

If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity.

If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment.

If you keep quiet, it's male indifference.

If you cry, you're a Sheila.

If you don't, you're an insensitive bastard.

If you thump her, it's wife-bashing.

If she thumps you, it's self-defense.

If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist.

If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman.

If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination.

If she asks you, it's a favour.

If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear, you're a pervert.

If you don't, you're a poofter.

If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you're sexist.

If you don't, you're unromantic.

If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain.

If you don't, you're a slob.

If you buy her flowers, you're after something.

If you don't, you're not thoughtful.

If you're proud of your achievements, you're up yourself.

If you don't, you're not ambitious.

If you ask for a cuddle, you never think of anything but sex.

If you're totally whacked after a hard day's work, you don't give a stuff about other people's needs.

If she has a headache, she's tired.

If you have a headache, you don't love her any more.

If you want it too often, you're oversexed.

If you don't, there must be someone else.


THE MALE STAGES OF LIFE


Age
What 17 25 35 48 66
AGE DRINK beer beer vodka double vodka Maalox
SEDUCTION LINE My parents are away for the weekend. My girlfriend is away for the weekend. My fiancee is away for the weekend. My wife is away for the weekend. My second wife is dead.
FAVORITE SPORT sex sex sex sex napping
DRUG pot coke really good coke power coke, a limousine, the company jet
DEFINITION OF A SUCCESSFUL DATE "tongue" "breakfast" "She didn't set back my therapy." "I didn't have to meet her kids." "Got home alive."
FAVORITE FANTASY getting to third airplane sex menage a trois taking the company public Swiss maid/Nazi love slave
HOUSE PET roaches stoned-out college roommate Irish setter children from his first marriage Barbi
WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED? 25 35 48 66 17
IDEAL DATE Triple Stephen King feature at a drive-in "Split the check before we go back to my place" "Just come over." "Just come over and cook." sex in the company jet on the way to Vegas.



Up Back More Men Jokes Back To School Dark Sucker Light Bulbs Sports Travel Potpourri Women


Cafe