Lets go back to school:

STUDENT TESTS

The following are questions and answers from the pupils of Brentwood County High School. They reveal a wide variety of common errors from the funny guess to the complete misunderstanding of the subject.

Q: Name a pollutant and its source:

A: Weels from a motorway.

Q: Is crude oil pure or a mixture?

A: Pure, because its on its own.

A: Pure, because it is nateral.

Q: Why will this nail rust?

A: If air get to a nail it will go rusty because air is really water.

A: If drying agent fell from the sky it would crush your car, not rust it!!!!

Q: What is meant by "endangered species"?

A: It is soon to be killed off.

A: It means that it is dangerous.

Q: When the [cooling] experiment was repeated with thicker glass flasks, cooling took longer. Why?

A: Because the heat had to conduct itself through a much thicker distance, which took a lot longer.

Q: Where do you find the colours of a spectrum?

A: In a Rambow.

Q: [On digestion] What is the reaction between acids and antacids called?

A: Relief

Q: Why does it take longer to cook a potato on top of a mountain?

A: Because the potato is at least 1000 feet above the ground.

A: It takes longer because of convection. It has to rise all the way up, and this takes some time.

Q: What is the unit of resistance?

A: Homes (H).

Q: The journey from Preston to Carlisle to Preston always takes longer than the journey from Preston to Carlisle. Suggest why this is so.

A: The train driver would be tired.

Q: Explain the conservation of momentum, and how it applies to a space rocket.

A: The conservation of momentum means the conservation of force at which the rocket is propelled into the atmosphere. This is important to consider when considering rocket propulsion and collision (!) as too much momentum could result quite seriously.

Q: [On crude oil] What non-energy uses are there for oil?

A: Cooking.

Q: Describe the function of the cell membrane.

A: It keeps the cell warm.

Q: How is eye colour etc. passed on to the next generation?

A: The jeans (not Levis).

Q: Describe how the egg cell is specialised.

A: The egg is round so it is easier to get down the tube, because if it was square there would be a problem.

Q: What should medical workers wear when dealing with accidents involving large amounts of blood?

A: The should wear gloves and a suit.

Q: A car is able to move, and can perform 3 life processes. What are they?

A: Speak (hooter).

A: Reproduce.

A: Gets old.

A: Turn.

Q: There are three life processes that a car cannot carry out, so it cannot be a living thing. Which processes does a car not carry out?

A: Wink

A: Sleep.

A: Jump in the air.

Q: [On periscopes] How do the two mirrors make it work?

A: The objects goes into the top mirror. It then gets reflected into the second one

A: Your eyes hit the mirror.

Q: [On a valley flooded by a dam] Give two problems that the rabbits might have after they have moved.

A: They might not be able to get a good water supply, or an open space for them to play.

Q: Describe changes in the weather which could lead to a decrease in evaporation from oceans.

A: There could be a drought, so there wouldn't be any water in the oceans to evaporate.

Q: What liquid goes round the body?

A: Liquid nitrogen.

A: Sodium hydrogen carbonate.

Q: Why can camels walk on sand better than horses?

A: Because camels have flat, webbed feet.

[An answer given by a year 11 top set pupil in a mock-GCSE question on radiation] The grill radiates food by heating and killing off or decaying the molecules in the food.

Q: From a given list of ingredients [for a fizzy drink], give an example of ingredients that are normally solid, liquid and gas.

A: Solid - Cheese

Liquid - Milk

Gas - Air.

KID SCIENCE

The beguiling ideas about science quoted here were gleaned from essays, exams, and class room discussions.

Question: What is one horsepower? Answer: One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second.

You can listen to thunder after lightening and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it you got hit, so never mind.

Talc is found on rocks and on babies.

The law of gravity says no fair jumping up without coming back down.

When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions.

When people run around and around in circles we say they are crazy. When planets do it we say they are orbiting.

When people run around and around in circles we say they are crazy. When planets do it we say they are orbiting.

While the earth seems to be knowingly keeping its distance from the sun, it is really only centrificating.

Someday we may discover how to make magnets that can point in any direction.

South America has cold summers and hot winters, but somehow they still manage.

Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change back into a sun in the daytime.

Water freezes at 32 degrees and boils at 212 degrees. There are 180 degrees between freezing and boiling because there are 180 degrees between north and south.

A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.

There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered. Finding them all means living forever.

There is a tremendous weight pushing down on the center of the Earth because of so much population stomping around up there these days.

Lime is a green-tasting rock.

Many dead animals in the past changed to fossils while others preferred to be oil.

Genetics explain why you look like your father and if you don't why you should.

Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they're there.

In looking at a drop of water under a microscope, we find there are twice as many H's as O's.

To most people solutions mean finding the answers. But to chemists solutions are things that are still all mixed up.

We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.

Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun. But I have never been able to make out the numbers.

Some oxygen molecules help fires burn while others help make water, so sometimes it's brother against brother.

I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it, and that is the important thing.

Clouds just keep circling the earth around and around. And around. There is not much else to do.

Clouds are high flying fogs.

Water vapor gets together in a cloud. When it is big enough to be called a drop, it does.

Humidity is the experience of looking for air and finding water.

We keep track of the humidity in the air so we won't drown when we breathe.

Rain is often known as soft water, oppositely known as hail.

Rain is saved up in cloud banks.

In some rocks you can find the fossil footprints of fishes.

Cyanide is so poisonous that one drop of it on a dogs tongue will kill the strongest man.

A blizzard is when it snows sideways.

A hurricane is a breeze of a bigly size.

A monsoon is a French gentleman.

Thunder is a rich source of loudness.

Isotherms and isobars are even more important than their names sound.

It is so hot in some places that the people there have to live in other places.

The wind is like the air, only pushier.

NOTES FROM PARENTS

"My son is under the doctor's care and should not take P.E. today,Please execute him."

"Please excuse Mary for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot."

"Please excuse Fred for being. It was his father's fault."

"Please ackuse Fred being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32 and 33,"

"Mary was absent from school yesterday as she was having a gangover."

"Mary could not come to school today because she was bother by very close veins."

"Fred has an acre in his side."

"Please excuse Fred from P.E. for a few days. He fell yesterday out of a tree and misplaced his hip."

"Please excuse Mary from Jim yesterday. She is administrating."

"Please excuse Fred for being absent. He had a cold and could not breed well."

"Please excuse Mary. She has been sick and under the doctor."

"Please excuse Mary from being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps."

"John has been absent because he had two teeth taken off his face."

"Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hit in the growing part."

"My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent this weekend with the Marines."

"Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels."

"Maryann was absent Dec. 11-16, because she had a fever, sore throat, headache, and upset stomach. Her sister was also sick, fever and sore throat, her brother had a low-grade fever. There must be the flu going around, her father even got hot last night."

"George was absent yesterday because he had a stomach."

"Ralph was absent yesterday because he had a sore trout."

"Please excuse Lupe. She is having problems with her ovals."

"Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had diah(*crossed out*), diahoah(*crossed out*), dyah(*crossed out*) the shits."