Lets go back to school:

Oral Examination Procedure
Kid's Questions

ORAL EXAMINATION PROCEDURE

The purposes of an oral examination are few and simple. In these brief notes the purposes are set forth and practical rules for conducting an oral examination are given. Careful attention to the elementary rules is necessary in order to assure a truly successful examination. From the standpoint of each individual examiner, the basic purposes of the oral examination are: to make that examiner appear smarter and trickier than either the examinee or other examiners, thereby preserving his self esteem; and to crush the examinee, thereby avoiding the messy and time-wasting problem of post-examination judgement and decision.

Both of these aims can be realized through diligent application of the following timetested rules:

Before beginning the examination, make it clear to the examinee that his whole professional career may turn on his performance. Stress the importance and formality of the occasion. Put him in his proper place at the outset.

Throw out your hardest question first. (This is very important. If your first question is sufficiently difficult or involved, he will be too rattled to answer subsequent questions, no matter how simple they may be.)

Be reserved and stern in addressing the examinee. For contrast, be very jolly with the other examiners. A very efficient device is to make humorous comments to the other examiners about the examinees performance; comments which tend to exclude him and set him apart (as though he were not present in the room).

Make him do it your way, especially if your way is esoteric. Constrain him. Impose many limitations and qualifications in each question. The idea is to complicate an otherwise simple problem.

Force him into a trivial error and then let him puzzle over it for as long as possible. Just after he sees his mistake but just before he has a chance to explain it, correct him yourself, disdainfully. This takes real perception and timing, which can only be acquired with some practice.

When he finds himself deep in a hole, never lead him out. Instead, sigh, and shift to a new subject.

Ask him snide questions, such as, "Didn't you learn that in Freshman Calculus?"

Do not permit him to ask you clarifying questions. Never repeat or clarify your own statement of the problem. Tell him not to think out loud, what you want is the answer.

Every few minutes, ask him if he is nervous.

Station yourself and the other examiners so that the examinee cannot really face all of you at once. This enables you to bracket him with a sort of binaural crossfire. Wait until he turns away from you toward someone else, and then ask him a short direct question. With proper coordination among the examiners it is possible under favorable conditions to spin the examinee through several complete revolutions. This has the same effect as item two above.

Wear dark glasses. Inscrutability is unnerving.

Terminate the examination by telling the examinee, "Don't call us, we will call you."

KID'S QUESTIONS

These were compiled from various Jewish and Christian Day Schools...

DEAR GOD:

Is it true my father won't get in Heaven if he uses his bowling words in the house? Anita

Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don't you just keep the ones you got now? Louise

What does it mean You are a Jealous God? I thought You had everything. Ellen

Did you really mean do unto others as they do unto you, because if You did, then I'm really going to fix my brother. Darla

Thank you for the baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy. Joyce

Why is Sunday school on Sunday? I thought it was supposed to be our day of rest. Tom

Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before. You can look it up. Bruce.

If we come back as something, please don't let me be Jennifer Horton because I hate her. Denise

If you give me a genie lamp like Aladdin, I will give you anything you want except my money or my chess set. Ralph

Please send Dennis Clark to a different camp this year. Peter

Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother. Larry

I want to be just like my Daddy when I get big but not with so much hair all over. Sam

Of all the people who work for You, I like Noah and David the best. Rob

My brother told me about being born but it doesn't sound right. Marsha

We read Thomas Edison made light. But in school they said You did it. So I bet he stoled your idea. Sincerely, Donna

I didn't think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset you made on Tuesday. That was cool. Eugene