Lets get on with more Women:

A Chemical Analysis Of Women
Why Bicycles Are Better Than Women

A CHEMICAL ANALYSIS OF WOMEN

Element: Woman

Symbol: Wo

Discoverer: Adam

Atomic Mass: Accepted at 53.6Kg, but known to vary from 40-200Kg.

Occurrences: Copious quantities in all urban areas.

Physical Properties:

1. Surface usually covered in painted film.
2. Boils at nothing; freezes without reason.
3. Melts if given treatment.
4. Bitter if incorrectly used.
5. Found in various states from virgin metal to common ore.
6. Yields if pressure applied in correct places.

Chemical Properties:

1. Has great affinity for gold, silver and a range of precious stones.

2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.

3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason.

4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity increases greatly by saturation in alcohol.

5. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.

Common Uses:

1. Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
2. Can be a great aid to relaxation.
3. Very effective cleaning agent.

Tests:

1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in the natural state.

2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.

Hazards:

1. Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
2. Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be maintained at different locations as long as specimens do not come into direct contact with each other.

WHY BICYCLES ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN

• Bicycles don't get pregnant.
• You can ride your Bicycle any time of the month.
• Bicycles don't have parents.
• Bicycles don't whine unless something is really wrong.
• You can share your Bicycle with your friends.
• Bicycles don't care how many other Bicycles you've ridden.
• When riding, you and your Bicycle can arrive at the same time.
• Bicycles don't care how many other Bicycles you have.
• Bicycles don't care if you look at other Bicycles.
• Bicycles don't care if you buy Bicycle magazines.
• You'll never hear, "Surprise, you are going to own a new Bicycle" unless you go out to buy one yourself.

• If your Bicycle goes flat you can fix it.
• If your Bicycle is too loose you can tighten it.
• If your Bicycle is misaligned, you don't have to discuss politics with it.
• You don't have to be jealous of the guy who works on your Bicycle.
• If you say bad things to your Bicycle, you don't have to apologize before you ride it again.

• You can ride your Bicycle as long as you want and it won't get sore.
• You can stop riding your Bicycle as soon as you want and it won't get frustrated.
• Your parents won't remain in touch with your old bicycle after you dump it.

• Bicycles don't get headaches.
• Bicycles don't insult you if you're a bad rider.
• Your Bicycle never wants a night out with the other Bicycles.
• Bicycles don't care if you're late.
• You don't have to take a shower before you ride your bicycle.
• If your Bicycle doesn't look good you can paint it or get better parts. * You can ride your Bicycle the first time you meet it, without having to take it to dinner, see a movie, or meet its mother.
• The only protection you have to wear when riding your Bicycle is a decent helmet.
• When in mixed company, you can talk about what a great ride you had the last time you were on your Bicycle.