Cartoons by Jez

When asked, Paavo said that Antero played with them so he could afford to feed his cat. Then came the joke about Michi (my son) joining Apocalyptica.
This is the imagined scenario....

And meanwhile....

Thanks to November for the above cartoon.

In chat: (Terrë) Paavo said Antero just wants to play. It's all the other shit he really can't take. He'd play at the opening of a crisp packet if you asked him.
(Chyld) snickers at the mental image of Antero decked out in full dress, playing a solo while, beside him, someone with a perplexed look slowly opens a crisp packet.

 

We force him to shave before he joins our tour. because we can't stand the hair in the TOURBUS!!!!!
(Perttu in chat when asked if Antero has a hairy chest.)

"Eicca's bunnies eats his trees. Perttu eats bunnies." (Perttu in chat)

As Eicca watched, the car disappeared into a small stand of trees and reappeared a moment later, swerved to avoid the
sheep and failed miserably. Sheep went flying left and right as the car ploughed through them.
Baa!
Baaaa!!!!
BAAAA!!!!! (Drive)

Antero was on top of Perttu. Perttu was grappling with him. The air inside was hot and steamy. Paavo was afraid to look.
But finally, Antero glanced up. His glasses were broken - again - but still on his nose. His hands were around Perttu's throat.
"Um... did I interrupt you?" Paavo enquired. (Drive)

 

As anyone who has been at the front of an Apocalyptica concert knows - it can be incredibly dangerous, due to flying bows, endpins, cellos and Perttu's.

This is Rifje, Terrë, Jez, Sanne and Ina all ducking in Helsinki.

Riders of the Apocalypse

With a long suffering look on his face, Death grabbed Pestilence by the waist. War joined him and, still chewing, Famine grabbed his head.
They tugged.

Everyone looked at Pestilence, the fearsome Rider of the Apocalypse with a door on his head.
"Now what?" he asked in a pissed-off tone of voice.

The result was variable. Antero, of course, executed the move perfectly. Perttu's cello spun wildly, almost taking off like a helicopter.
Eicca's wobbled and fell over with a crash. Paavo's did a good impression of a spinning top and went walkabout across the room, with Paavo running after it.

With a low, throbbing 'whuff' of displaced air, a huge pair of black wings abruptly appeared from Eicca's back.
Huge they were and black like a dark angel's. Antero leapt up, fighting the urge to scream in a most uncool manner.

"Good evening, sir's? Do you realise you were travelling at 70 kph in a 40 kph zone?"
"Sorry, officer." Death spoke meekly. "We're late for the end of the world."

Miscellaneous

Eicca and Paavo take measures to ensure Perttu does not hurt himself on stage again - a roll of bubble-wrap is a useful thing.

Has anyone noticed that Eicca's leather pants that he wears on stage are getting a bit foxed? (not only foxed, but beared, aardvarked and possibly badgered as well) I noticed the seams on the legs are coming apart and held by gaffa tape, the knees are nearly worn through and, considering he was right above me at some point with cello over his head, that the crotch of his pants is definately very dangerous and held together with tape. (Gaffa tape isn't THAT strong). We wouldn't want him to have a bad gaffa accident, would we? (me - on the forum)

 

Star Trek - Beyond the Apocalypse

I sneezed 53 times in a row today. The cleaning crew keep complaining about the mess on the view-screen and Lötjönen is not happy about sitting in front of me.

I have to get on my tractor beam and tow them back to Rockstar Fleet.

Remind me to stop Kivilaakso from opening hailing frequencies just as I sit down without thinking. The yell could be heard all over the galaxy.

The R.s.S Apocalypse

Never Say Cello Again

Perttu finished destroying his cello, threw it somewhere to the side and stormed off stage to get another.

"Only if they get in his way," murmured Perttu, closely examining a chain-saw he just happened to be holding.
"Put that down!" Paavo snapped. "You're such a klutz... you'll have your hand off - or, worse, you'll hurt Antero's cello."
"Hmm." Perttu smiled. "That would be a shame, wouldn't it?"
As he walked off, chain-saw in hand, Eicca frowned after him. "I worry about that boy," he commented.

The Incredible Paavo

"I ran out of cellos when I broke that last one before the interval." Perttu was now so red, they could have used
him for lightingand saved a fortune in technicians. "So, I thought... rather than coming on stage and singing..."
"EEEP!" A small squeak was heard from Paavo's direction.
"...I thought I'd play guitar instead," Perttu finished.

Too late. A huge great hulking monster, bright green, glowing and rippling with huge muscles appeared at the end of the alleyway.
"It's the Incredible Hunk!" Perttu yelped.
"Don't you mean Hulk?" Eicca asked as they all backed off.
"You say what you mean... I'll say what I mean," Perttu pouted.

Dancing Queen

Still, it was hard. Things hadn't been quite the same since the Paavo incident. He still refused to go into green rooms and kept asking
Perttu to shave his chin hair off. Perttu was most perturbed to see Paavo eyeing him, whilst holding a razor, at one very scary point.
"It is not a hamster - it is not a hamster... not a hamster..." Paavo kept muttering, every time Perttu went near him.

"What's wrong, kultaseni. Please... tell me you love me. I will die without your heart beating as one next to mine..."
Eicca continued to chase after Perttu. The younger man ducked and dived around the room, trying not to hear Paavo,
who was laughing so helplessly, he had fallen off his chair.

Eicca was on his knees, a bunch of roses in his hands and spouting more love poetry to...
A sheep.
The sheep was eating the roses.
Perttu shrugged, eyes twinkling. "What can I say. Eicca is feeling a little sheepish."

He admired himself in the mirror, wearing his leather pants, a black shirt, long leather coat and wrap-around sunglasses.
Neo wasn't this cool, he decided, twirling two bows in a ninja-like manner and slipping them into a leather belt at his waist. He was Super-Perttu.

If the reader had been standing by the side of the road in Helsinki on this bright June morning, they would have been about
to see one of the stranger sights in their life - possibly... no.. definitely - stranger than the one Paavo had witnessed only an hour earlier.