Memories of Max - A Father's Story

Chapter 14 - Cancer Echoes

Childhood cancer can also be caused by an abnormality in either the father's sperm or mother's egg which has been caused by an environmental factor experienced by one or other or both parents which then causes a gene mutation within the cells which are used to create the child.

In the third case there is some inherent abnormality within one or both of the parents which leads the child to inherit a susceptibility to cancer. This might be due to a particular combination of the parent's genes or because one parent is also susceptible to cancer.

P53 generally falls into the last of these categories. If this was the case then either Sara or I and possibly Paula could also be particularly susceptible to cancer. We now had to come to terms with the fact that Max's twin cancers and their genetic implications could reach back to either of us and back down to Paula.

During Max's cancers we spent much of our time balancing on a knife edge. We viewed his symptoms and tried to apply a cold clinical assessment of his condition. We watched for symptoms, assessed their significance and compared them with our previous experience of childhood cancer.

After Max's death and when we suspected the possibility of our own cancers there was no need for detailed interpretation of vague symptoms. In Sara's case there was a definite need to see a doctor. In my case, this also applied but I had become paralysed by the loss of Max. My symptoms continued for over a year before finally clearing up. I just could not come to terms with the fact that I too might have cancer and I denied this awful reality.

In Paula's case we tried to balance hysteria with rational thought. We were worried that another cancer seemed so irrational and yet instinct told us otherwise. There is this fine line between 'it can't happen twice, that would just be too much' and the fact we had seen it all before. The symptoms of many cancers are non specific. We ignored her tiredness and aches and pains because they did not seem to point to anything. Paula started to display many of the symptoms which Max displayed prior to his second diagnosis. We watched and waited.

Sometime after Sara and I separated, I returned very tired from a business trip in Germany to get a message at work to ring Sara. I rang her and she told me that she thought that Paula had Rhabdomyosarcoma. I trusted Sara's judgement. She had shown an acute awareness of Max's condition long before anyone else suspected his second cancer. Her maternal radar was as good as the best. She had been through all of our false relapses before and was not prone to rash judgements. She was in tears on the phone.

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