• A dolphin will jump out of the water for a piece of fish, imagine what he'd do for some chips.
• A tip to all new mothers - Don't put your baby in bed with you because you might fall asleep, roll on it and put your back out!
• Ah Mr Lemon, why your juices so sharp?
• ...And then the memory of the Mash Sickness returned, and we gradually returned them to their original size.
• ...And apparently the best bit of a chop is that thin bit down the outside, that round bit in the middle is quite poisonous apparently. And he always used to eat it for us!
• Alan, fancy a game of: No you go first?
• Apple left the fruit union did very well mmm mmm! Got a pie, got a sauce...
• Apparently you can tell a lot about someone's personality from what they're like...
• Apparently, there's enough poison in a crab, to kill a crab.
• Bad Boy, Dirty Boy in your BED!
• Brian Ferry...Nick Berry
• But Alan! If you're here, whose grooming the badgers ready for the badger parade?
• But what if Ben Kingsley of clown union find out?
• Cadburys cream egg, Mystic Meg.
• Canteloupe melon - very tasty; honeydew melon - very tasty; water melon - not so tasty ........ but refreshing.
• Cheese warnings - more of them please!
• Chops can't buy you love, Harry.
• Chops is as Chops does.
• Complimentary Kit Kat sir? ...Hmmmm complimentary Kit Kat?
• Curly Wurly, Liz Hurley
• Digby the Giant Dog project; the brief was make this dog bigger, and I done it!
• Do they mean me, they surely do.
• Dribble...dribble...pass. You've got to think of the next man!
• Go away from the flats!
• Go on madam, take a bite out of the pumpkin!!!
• Hamburgers, beef does all the work, pork gets all the credit.
• I can't believe he didn't cut any holes.
• I can't see the cards, you'll have to make them bigger!
• I don`t make the rules up, do I?
• I know what you're thinking... How do you transport an owl?
• If you get a letter and you don't know who it's from, just run after the postman and shout "1471"!
• I never saw much of my grand father... Because he was very good at hiding!
• Lamb Shanks, Shabba Ranks
• Bowl... Mole... Fole... GOAL!
• Mangetouts eh? Mangetouts, they're lovely aren't they? But couldn't eat a whole one.
• My Dad kept bees, not for the honey, no, for the fur!
• My Dad was a mean man, he hypnotised my mother not to order a starter!
• My father used to like my mother to get dressed up as a nurse. Then he used to like her to go out to work... as a nurse! Brought in some extra money...
• My father used to say to me always fight fire with fire. And that's why he was thrown out of the fire brigade.
• My mother was a lolly-pop lady... and by that I mean she had a long thin body, and a big, fat, sticky head.
• Nelson Mandela - more of those crazy shirts please!
• No ticket, no coat.
• ...Not really of course - the power of suggestion!
• Of course if you drop a bible from a height you can kill a field mouse; so maybe the bible isn't all good.
• Oh Mrs Ashdown, why your boy's face so dry & wrinkled?
• Oh Mr Dutch Elm... Why so many die?
• Oh Mrs Hitler, why your boy he turn out so bad?
• Oh Mr Melon, why your rind so thick?
• Oh Mr Raspberry, why are you so hairy?
• Oh Mr Sycamore tree, why you produce so much sap?
• Owls Good, Badgers Bad!
• Pear gets a soap...
• Pekinese, cheddar cheese
• Petrol tank, that's no place to bring up a child.
• Pork and Lamb there the main two.
• ...Packet of extra strong mints... Artist formerly known as Prince!
• Que'est que ce que ca?
• Remember when Sellotape came out? Oh, the excitement!
• Rory McGrath... He naturally funny, he don't need gimmick like big collar or pens in top pocket. He funny. He don't need to be post-modern!
• Rose for the lady?
• Sherbet dip, David Yip... That's one of them for you
• So small a child could carry it!
• Sorted, respect due.
• Sporty Spice, Anneka Rice!
• Swan - long neck! Goose - long neck! Owl - short neck, but swivels round!
• Tasmin Archer Badger! I might have known!
• That's it Stouffer, you help me.
• ...The tomato left the fruit union and got the entire Italian food system!
• There he goes. Number 2. Ronnie Corbett!
• Too small for the role of Pastachio, not curly enough to be a Cashew...The Almond.
• Wagon Wheel, Seal!
• What a waste of chops!
• What are the chances of that happening, hey?
• What is it about people who repair shoes, that make them so good at cutting keys?
• Will barn and tawny owl ever get on?
• Will you the pork or would you the lamb?
• You like the lining though, it dazzles, it excites!
• You've got to have a system...
• Zenibab Badawi, Brian Harvey...You've got to have a system...I should 'ave me own key though, shouldn't I?

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