Harry Hill Quotes
- A dolphin will jump out of the water for a piece of fish, imagine what he'd do for some chips.
- A tip to all new mothers - Don't put your baby in bed with you because you might fall asleep, roll on it and put your back out!
- Ah Mr Lemon, why your juices so sharp?
- ...And then the memory of the Mash Sickness returned, and we gradually returned them to their original size.
- ...And apparently the best bit of a chop is that thin bit down the outside, that round bit in the middle is quite poisonous apparently. And he always used to eat it for us!
- Alan, fancy a game of: No you go first?
- Apple left the fruit union did very well mmm mmm! Got a pie, got a sauce...
- Apparently you can tell a lot about someone's personality from what they're like...
- Apparently, there's enough poison in a crab, to kill a crab.
- Bad Boy, Dirty Boy in your BED!
- Brian Ferry...Nick Berry
- But Alan! If you're here, whose grooming the badgers ready for the badger parade?
- But what if Ben Kingsley of clown union find out?
- Cadburys cream egg, Mystic Meg.
- Canteloupe melon - very tasty; honeydew melon - very tasty; water melon - not so tasty ........ but refreshing.
- Cheese warnings - more of them please!
- Chops can't buy you love, Harry.
- Chops is as Chops does.
- Complimentary Kit Kat sir? ...Hmmmm complimentary Kit Kat?
- Curly Wurly, Liz Hurley
- Digby the Giant Dog project; the brief was make this dog bigger, and I done it!
- Do they mean me, they surely do.
- Dribble...dribble...pass. You've got to think of the next man!
- Go away from the flats!
- Go on madam, take a bite out of the pumpkin!!!
- Hamburgers, beef does all the work, pork gets all the credit.
- I can't believe he didn't cut any holes.
- I can't see the cards, you'll have to make them bigger!
- I don`t make the rules up, do I?
- I know what you're thinking... How do you transport an owl?
- If you get a letter and you don't know who it's from, just run after the postman and shout "1471"!
- I never saw much of my grand father... Because he was very good at hiding!
- Lamb Shanks, Shabba Ranks
- Bowl... Mole... Fole... GOAL!
- Mangetouts eh? Mangetouts, they're lovely aren't they? But couldn't eat a whole one.
- My Dad kept bees, not for the honey, no, for the fur!
- My Dad was a mean man, he hypnotised my mother not to order a starter!
- My father used to like my mother to get dressed up as a nurse. Then he used to like her to go out to work... as a nurse! Brought in some extra money...
- My father used to say to me always fight fire with fire. And that's why he was thrown out of the fire brigade.
- My mother was a lolly-pop lady... and by that I mean she had a long thin body, and a big, fat, sticky head.
- Nelson Mandela - more of those crazy shirts please!
- No ticket, no coat.
- ...Not really of course - the power of suggestion!
- Of course if you drop a bible from a height you can kill a field mouse; so maybe the bible isn't all good.
- Oh Mrs Ashdown, why your boy's face so dry & wrinkled?
- Oh Mr Dutch Elm... Why so many die?
- Oh Mrs Hitler, why your boy he turn out so bad?
- Oh Mr Melon, why your rind so thick?
- Oh Mr Raspberry, why are you so hairy?
- Oh Mr Sycamore tree, why you produce so much sap?
- Owls Good, Badgers Bad!
- Pear gets a soap...
- Pekinese, cheddar cheese
- Petrol tank, that's no place to bring up a child.
- Pork and Lamb there the main two.
- ...Packet of extra strong mints... Artist formerly known as Prince!
- Que'est que ce que ca?
- Remember when Sellotape came out? Oh, the excitement!
- Rory McGrath... He naturally funny, he don't need gimmick like big collar or pens in top pocket. He funny. He don't need to be post-modern!
- Rose for the lady?
- Sherbet dip, David Yip... That's one of them for you
- So small a child could carry it!
- Sorted, respect due.
- Sporty Spice, Anneka Rice!
- Swan - long neck! Goose - long neck! Owl - short neck, but swivels round!
- Tasmin Archer Badger! I might have known!
- That's it Stouffer, you help me.
- ...The tomato left the fruit union and got the entire Italian food system!
- There he goes. Number 2. Ronnie Corbett!
- Too small for the role of Pastachio, not curly enough to be a Cashew...The Almond.
- Wagon Wheel, Seal!
- What a waste of chops!
- What are the chances of that happening, hey?
- What is it about people who repair shoes, that make them so good at cutting keys?
- Will barn and tawny owl ever get on?
- Will you the pork or would you the lamb?
- You like the lining though, it dazzles, it excites!
- You've got to have a system...
- Zenibab Badawi, Brian Harvey...You've got to have a system...I should 'ave me own key though, shouldn't I?
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