• "I'm so ugly, I never get invited to parties" (Centuri Simulant)
• "There's an old human saying - If you're going to talk garbage, expect pain" (Rimmer)
• "From now on, call me 'Tiger'" (Rimmer)
• "That was no accident, that was first degree toastercide" (Talkie Toaster)
• "That was Ace Rimmer, we're lucky to be alive!" (German Soldier)
• "Just call be badass!" (Spare Head 2)
• "Woah! Crease!" (Cat)
• "This place is harder to get into than airline chicken kiev!" (Lister)
• "Cat, when I get you I'm going to turn you into a kebab!" (Lister)
• "By God, we'll rescue these fair blooms or my name's not Captain A. J. Rimmer, Space Adventurer" (Rimmer)
• "I have a medium-sized fire axe buried in my spinal chord sir." (Kryten)
• "Don't get your double-helix in a straight. No one's questioning your nasal integrity." (Kryten)
• "Stick to your usual type , women with little wispy beards who wear three overcoats and carry little bags full of string" (Chen)
• "Emergency, Emergency, There's an emergency going on" (Holly)
• "Rasputin, I'm very cross indeed" (Caligula)
• "Has anyone ever told you that you are a disgusting, pus-filled bubo who has all the wit, charm and self-possession of an Alsatian dog after a head-swap operation?" (Kryten)
• "Actually, we know sod all about space travel, but if you've got a blocked nozzle, we're your lads" (Rimmer)
• "Better anything than that toupee" (Kryten)
• "Hey Bent Bob, hows it going mate" (Kochanski)
• "Do I have a head shaped like an amusing ice-cube?" (Kryten)
• "Welcome to the Rimmer Experience, a place of wonder, excitement and .... wonder" (Rimmer)
• "There's a wise old cat saying that I think applies in this situation..." (Cat)
• "Why did I always turn to page 47 and start drawing little beards and moustaches on the sperms?" (Lister)
• "There's no percentage in being a boy racer Kryten" (Rimmer)
• "As a mark of respect, we thought on Saturday at 12 o'clock we could have a minute's flatulence" (Rimmer)
• "OK Homeboys, Let's posse" (Lister)
• "I've just been molested by Tutankhamun's horny grandma. Of course i'm not smegging all right" (Lister)
• "Everything tickety-boo?" (Rimmer)
• "Absolument, Mr Rimmer, I'll be along lickety-split" (Rimmer)
• "Lister, have you ever been hit over the head with a welding mallet?" (Rimmer)
• "Now come on, you get your kit off and i'll go and slip into my Batman outfit" (Lister)
• "I suggest we ambulate as fast as the local gravity will allow" (Kryten)
• "Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast" (Ace Rimmer)
• "I propose we hit it hard and hit it fast with a major, and I mean major, leaflet campaign" (Rimmer)
• "I've been tounge-hockeyed to death!"e (Lister)
• "You will not offer any grilled-bread products to any member of the crew. Now if you do, you'll be on the receiving end of an extremely large polo stick" (Kryten talking to Talkie Toaster)

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