Partaaay!
A
stage hand, a sound technician and an electrician go to a party in Mexico.
They get drunk and wake up
in jail. They found out that they are to be executed for their crimes but none
of them can remember what they have done.
The stage hand is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if he has any
last words. He says, "I am just a humble stage hand, but I believe in the
almighty power of God to intervene on behalf of the innocent."
They throw the switch and nothing happens. They figure God must not want this
guy to die, so they let him go.
The sound tech is strapped in and gives his last words. "I am just a
humble sound technician, but I believe in the Law and the eternal power of
Justice to intervene on the part of the innocent."
The switch is thrown and again nothing happens. They figure that the law is on
this guy's side, so they let him go.
The sparkie is strapped in and says, "Well, I'm a theatre electrician,
and I'll tell you right now you'll never electrocute anybody if you don't
connect those two wires."
God
rest his soul.
LOBBY SIGN........
Techie motto.......
To
act is human, to tech is divine.
Without lights, it would just be radio.
You know your neighbour is a roadie
when....... (Top Ten)
10. Doorbell plays
"smoke on the water"
9. Landscaper pronounces
your lawn dead form "High Decibel Trauma."
8. He kicks your kid's
ass at Tetris like there's no tomorrow
7. His
trash cans are always full of brown M&M's
6. Has
curtains made of black backdrop material
5. Loud
music all night, but always the same band
4. Every six
months some guy in a ponytail collects the mail, and gets back into a cab
3. Every
time they fire up their stereo, your power browns out
2.
You've been feeding their dog for 4 years now
1. His
lawnmower "goes to eleven"
And the best of the rest.....
All the furniture in
the house is from the 'THIS END UP company' and painted with black emulsion
He has to park a bus
outside with the engine running to sleep at night
Trellis in rose garden appears to be old Thomas trussing
Lawn edging from cut off electric hoist fans
If he is union... he is mowing the lawn and stops every fifteen minutes for
coffee and a smoke
Guy living there always asks what state/country he is in
Every time they come over to visit, you seem to be
missing towels and ash trays
What neighbour? Oh from that empty
house ?
He is always asking you if you heard that high pitch ringing and buzzing last
night
There is a door on the side of the house that say "Stage Door - Crew Access
only"
His telephone has XLR
out
Drilling sounds in the wee hours
Whenever he's in town,
he goes bowling from 8:00 PM to 2:AM
Only time you've ever seen a female visitor next door, it was some sweet girl
named Connie from out of state...and boy was she "friendly"
Big truck is always blocking your drive
Every New Year's Eve.... biggest damn fireworks display you've ever seen
Biggest damn stereo you ever saw
Every time you go to visit him he won't let you in unless you have a "All
Access" pass
They have three satellite dishes patched into the phone and no TV
Your child asks him to buy a box of girl scout cookies and he says..."Screw
that, I'll make a few calls and we'll do a benefit!"
Motion detector triggered driveway light is a Xenon Trooper lamp mounted on the
garage roof
Doorbell ring before noon equals suicide!! Telephone ditto
His clothesline is tuned to a perfect 440
Bizarre obsession with taking showers
His sidewalk has white gaff-tape arrows pointing the way into the house
He insists on wearing
an intercom headset when mowing his lawn
All the mirrors in the
house are missing
Holes in screen door patched with Gaffer tape
Their mailbox exploded due to over-loading
Takes road cases to the coin laundry
The door mat has got Authorized personel only on it
A sign on the gate reads "ALL ACCESS ONLY BEYOND THIS POINT"
You notice a distro board on the OUTSIDE of the house with power leads running
inside....
One day a neighborhood kid pulled a loose piece of duct tape from the side of
their house...and it fell down
Roadie Credo
If it's
white, snort it.
If it's green, smoke it.
If it moves, have sex with it.
If it doesn't do anything, throw it back on the truck.
You know you work in community
theatre if...
...your living room sofa spends more time on stage than you do.
....you have your own secret family recipe for stage blood.
....you've ever appeared on stage wearing your own clothes.
.....You've ever driven around the back of stores looking for discards that can
be used for set pieces.
....you can find a prop in the prop room that hasn't seen the light of day
in ten years, but you don't know where your own vacuum cleaner is.
....you have a "Frequent Shopper" Card at the Salvation Army.
.....Gilbert and Sullivan is synonymous with 3 months of rehearsals.
....you start buying your work clothes at Goodwill so you can buy your costumes
at the mall.
.....You've ever taken time off your job to work on the show.
.....You've worked out your vacation time to coincide with tech week.
....you've ever cleaned a tuxedo with a magic marker.
.... your family is more than 50% of the staff.
....you've ever appeared on stage in an outfit held together with hot glue.
....you name your son Samuel and tell him that his middle name is in honour of
the French side of the family.
....you've ever appeared in a show where tech week is devoted to getting the
running time under four and a half hours.
....you've ever appeared on stage in a production of H.M.S. Pinafore where half
the cast spoke with southern accents.
....you think Neil Simon is a misunderstood genius.
....you've ever appeared in a show where the cast out-numbered the audience 2 to
1 .
....you've ever gotten a part because you were the only one who showed up for
auditions.
.....you've ever gotten a part because you were the only male who showed up for
auditions.
....the audience recognizes you the minute you walk on stage because they saw
you taking out the trash before the show.
....you've ever menaced/threatened anyone with a gun held together with
electrical tape.
....you've ever had to haul a sofa off stage between scenes wearing an evening
gown and heels.
....you've ever had to haul a sofa off stage between scenes wearing an evening
gown and heels -- and you're a guy.
....you've ever played the father of someone your father's age.
.....your kids know your rehearsal schedule better than you do.
....your kids know your lines better than you do.
....your kids deliver your lines better than you do.
....you get home from rehearsal and have to go back to the theatre because you
forgot your kids.
....you've ever appeared in a show where an actor leaned out through a window
without opening it first.
....You actually know the difference between Good G & S and BAD G & S,
and have tried to explain the difference.
.....you've ever had to play a drunk scene opposite someone who was really
drunk.
....you've ever heard a director say "Try not to bump into the
furniture" and mean it.
.....the lead vocalist complains that the music keeps changing tempos, but the
fact is the music is on a tape/cd
....you've ever appeared on stage with people you're related to.
....you've ever heard the head of the set construction crew say "We'll just
paint it black -- no one will ever see it."
....you've appeared in a show featuring a flushing toilet sound effect.
....you've appeared in a show featuring a flushing toilet sound effect....and
you actually flushed the backstage toilet to make it.
....the set designer has ever told you not to walk on the left half of the stage
because the floor's still wet -- five minutes before curtain.
....you've ever been told that the reason your director has no eyebrows is
because he/she handled special effects for the last show.
....you've ever said "Don't worry -- use the duct tape and if that doesn't
work we'll just hot glue it."
.....if you have a deep need to forward this to more than 5 people who would
TOTALLY UNDERSTAND THIS.
| 
The
Abbey Theatre & Arts Centre
