WARNING:
CONSUMPTION of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol is a major
factor in dancing like an idiot.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol may cause
you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends handcuff you to a
lampost.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol may cause
you to thay shings like theesh.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol may lead you
to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol may leave
you wondering what the heck happened to your trousers.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol may make you
think you have mystical Kung Fu powers.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol may cause
you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and/or name
you can't remember).
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol is the
leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol may create
the illusion that you are tougher, smarter and more handsome than some really, really big
guy named FRANZ.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol may lead you
to believe you are invisible.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol may lead you
to think people are laughing WITH you.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol may cause a
flux in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may
seem to literally disappear.
WARNING: CONSUMPTION of alcohol may actually
CAUSE pregnancy. |
You think sleeping inside the
console lid is "comfortable."
Your ears stop ringing all the time and the monitors seem to need more HF EQ.
You no longer own one single clothes hanger.
You never use the living room anymore because the acoustics suck.
Your welcome mat is gaffed down...so no one will trip over it.
You made a tape of the tour bus engine to play at night so you can sleep.
Your walkman has a sub-woofer, and runs off a 12 volt truck battery.
All your furniture has wheels.... (Anvil cases w/ Colson casters).
You've re-wired your whole house to use Hubbell Twist-Lok plugs.
You are home for a week before you stop dialing "9" to get an outside line.
Someone on the street gives you the "thumbs up" and you look frantically for the
monitor desk so you can give them more volume on their mix.
You completely lose interest in groupies
Your kids entire wardrobe consists of your old road shirts.
Your clothing no longer resides in a dresser but rather a duffle bag.
You have actually installed 3 phase power in your house so that lighting
and audio are on separate legs to eliminate hum and buzz.
Your favorite incense smells like rosin core solder.
When you are at home, you ask your parents what is the per diem per day
Everything you own has you name on it and it stenciled "FOH" with
krylon.
Your home stairs are replaced with a ramp to facilitate easy load in
After a night of heavy drinking at home you look for the bus instead of
your car.
Your only two "essentials" are the credit cards and mobile phone.
You leave home for a month as if you were popping out to the shops.
You don't know what to do with yourself when you're in the house because
it's so unnatural.
You think that going to the pub every single night is OK.
You're marriage has been destroyed.
Your bag packing can be done in five minutes and entails 21 pairs of underpants, 21 pairs
of socks, 10 T-shirts and a couple of sweatshirts, several pairs of light trousers and a
few pairs of jeans (for socialising), toothbrush and paste, comb, anti-perspirant, an
extra pair of trainers, notepad and the phone charger. (bang, bang, bang, zzzip)
(The underpants and socks are simply shovelled from laundry basket to
carrier bag's which then double up as return laundry bags.) |
The
Abbey Theatre & Arts Centre
