Of the many humiliations that are an intrinsic part of life as an author, the unattended signing session has always ranked high. It is a rite of passage, an occasion when, having been invited to appear at a bookshop to read from his book and sign copies, the author finds himself alone save for a handful bored and mildly embarrassed sales assistants.
As I discovered recently, the grander, sharper school of modern shops has a way to avoid these problems. At the slightest hint of a low turn-out, it pulls the plug, sometimes at the last minute. Publishers never object, being cringingly respectful of big bookshops. As for the author, he can be relied upon to blame himself and, rather than ask questions ("Was the event promoted? What will people who turn up for it be told?") will hide beneath a duvet in a funk of anxiety, self-loathing and fear for the future.
There is another way. When the Borders branch in Oxford informed the philosopher Andrew Malcolm a planned reading from his book The Remedy was to be cancelled, he turned up anyway and, finding there was an audience, started reading. The result was something of a ruckus. One member of staff tried to stop it, others took away a table and chairs.
Eventually the police were called in and eight officers escorted the author and his readers out of the store. One of those who was moved along said it was "one of the most outrageous and disturbing scenes I have ever witnessed in this country and a monstrous violation of free speech".
Most authors would avoid causing a fuss for fear of gaining a reputation of a "difficult author" but Malcolm seems to have had the last laugh. Not only has he appeared in the press as a heroic champion of freedom, but Borders has announced the reading will take place at its London store at the end of January [120 Charing Cross Road WC2, Thursday 30th January, 7.00 pm].
Click for preceding story, Oxford, 4th October 2002, the first book-bust in Europe since the Nazis: BORDERS SUMMON THOUGHT POLICE.
Click for outcome, London 30th January 2003: POLICE HOLD BACK .
Click for text of talk WHERE IS THE UNIVERSITY?