Up at 6am, on the road at 6.50, arrived in Berkeley 9.40. Realised I didn't have the name of the hotel. Drove round Berkeley. Spoke to charming lady dog walker and found hotel 9.55 (it's not a big place, Berkeley).

Met James and Alan first. You know how people never match your expectations? I certainly didn't expect Alan's orange afro but the leather basque and miniskirt worked surprisingly well on a man of 300 pounds.

Round one saw my Gloranthan Trolls paired up with James E's lovely 20mm plastic Aztecs. The two battle lines clashed before a strong Aztec flank march could reach my stronghold and my Hero (Pikat Yaraboom) managed to off the Aztec Hero General. We scored the result and discovered it was 47:1 which didn't seem a very fair outcome from a closely fought battle but I suppose that's war - there are no prizes for second place. (unless your initials are TBS as Sunday would show :-) ).

In Round two Graham Harrison's many and varied 15mm bugs were the enemy so I picked Ken McEwan's orcs and goblins as a pool army. The sight of two gorgeously painted 15mm armies has tempted me to come down from the 25mm heights. Perhaps. Ken's army was very diverse and reasonable PIP scores meant I could zoom about and match up the right forces to whittle away at Graham's army until he was 12 points down.

Two wins out of two! Could I sneak off now while undefeated? Sadly not, my early success had moved me up the scoreboard and doom awaited in the form of RBS and the Anti Claus army. Richard's play was like a well oiled machine, his large force of archers pinned the Sartarite Barbarians on one flank while his Dragon (arrived on turn one - why does that always happen to me?) destroyed four Warbands using the Buttocks of Death manoeuvre. It was almost a pleasure to be thrashed with such style. Actually, no it wasn't but in retrospect you've got to admire the comprehensiveness of a 48-0 drubbing.

It didn't get any better when the next round saw me paired with Thomas Bodley Scott. A large force of elf archers pinned me down on one flank (familiar) while two magicians manoeuvred to kill my Warband General. Another clinical demolition job.

I joined the "I'm too old for excess drinking, curry and 14-year-old nightclubbers" group for an evening of good food, beer and games of 'Ebola Monkey Hunt' and 'Give Me The Brain'. I enjoyed the second so much I bought a copy. Thanks Jay, Ken, Graham and Richard for a most enjoyable evening.

And so to bed …

Sunday morning, 5am. I'm awake. What the hell am I doing awake at 5am? Actually I'm thinking. 15mm or 25mm? How could I have beaten either of the BS's? Why am I not more hung over? Where can I find some more scorpion men? Could I build a more impressive stronghold than Sebastian's twin towers and how much whiskey would I need to drink to acquire the raw materials? I decide to stop thinking and head for the shower…. Pleasant breakfast and more socialising followed but you probably want me to get back to the gore.

Next battle for my trolls was against Keith McGlynn's skeletons (understated, but my choice for best looking 25mm army of the tournament). Our battle lines collided with an almighty thump and my Hero managed to kill Keith's even as his bat Flyers hopped over the lines to threaten my General's rear. Next turn my General was defeated and, unable to recoil, was nibbled to death by the bats. We'd just shaken hands assuming the battle was over when we realised I'd taken fewer casualties. The big melee continued and I managed to get Pikat Yaraboom onto Keith's General's flank. One friction kill later it really was all over.

Round six found me facing Roger Court's recently finished Rats. This one has left little impression on my memory. I know I used Andy Thomas's Elves and I seem to remember stomping the cigarette smoking rat Warband General. I was probably lucky as Roger seemed to know what he was doing.

Whatever happened, with these two victories (I must be a morning person) I was back in the upper reaches. There was another BS out there but surely I couldn't be drawn against all three of them? Of course I could. The trolls were to take on Ned BS's Achaemenid Persians. This one got silly. With over a dozen Hordes on the table we ended up fighting up one side of a river with all of our forces jammed into an 18 inch wide corridor. Of course this meagre accommodation did not cramp the well-honed Bodley Scott machine. Desperate measures were called for so I decided to let Lady Luck have her chance. Pikat Yaraboom spied an unsupported Paladin and charged. The odds were against him and sudden death loomed. I'd like to think the resulting fight was a spectacular duel even though it lasted through only two sets of dice rolls. The first was a draw and in the second the arrival for a flanking Hero made sure Pikat got to Hell before the rest of his army. So, in three battles against the Bodley Scotts I'd taken precisely six points off them. I hope they appreciated my contribution to their eventual success.

The final battle went right down to the wire. Brian Pierpoint kindly agreed to let me use Alan's Rama army against his forces of Law and Order. The battlefield was very open with about half of both armies in a main battle line anchored on a tiny piece of bad going occupied by my two units of Beasts at one end and on Brian's Rider General on the edge of a wood at the other. The Rama monkey Warbands formed a refused right flank which lured off most of Brian's police horseman knights. We traded kills for three or four turns and eventually Rama won taking 12AP and losing 10 through a series of quite exceptional dice rolls.

And so it was over. It's easy to say results don't matter from a solid mid-table position but on this occasion it really was the case. The socialising was the main feature of the weekend and damned fine it was too. I've no wish to play competitive DBM but barring disaster I'll certainly be back for Berkeley 2002. And finally, it's been said before but no apologies - WELL DONE STEVE - an excellent event very well organised. Thanks.

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