My most entertaining game of the weekend was the last one against Sebastian (and some people say there is no God). He had the Standing army so was using Her Majesty's, God Bless Her, Armed Forces. I picked my Elven Host of Loamir, which I'd seen Thomas Bodley Scott use twice and he was up the top so they must be good....

By perverse co- incidence that meant my Elven poll army had had 5 outings and I unwittingly ensured I got the Most Popular Pool Army - some might think that a plot was afoot but when I tell you my wife and I do not go a bundle on champagne and so I'd donated our two remaining bottles to the event in an effort to dispose of them...guess what I won. 'nuff said.

Back to the story. We rolled and Sebastian was defender. Picture the scene, we sit across each other and I have an Elf army with mages...In a fit of evil terrain deployedment that the Dastardly Coalition would have been proud of out comes the biggest river in your life, with a miniscule island in the middle, placed on my current board edge; Hyde Park gets placed in the centre with rough on Sebastian's right flank.

So of course being wise to this I elect to attack down river...and promptly roll a '1', we stay where we are. Sebastian laughs himself silly. The river is such that Elven tippitoes barely reach out of it at 600paces deployment and is well over 200 paces across. Fortunately tippitoes is enough and my entire line of 4 bow, 2 knights, mage G, mage and Beast had over 95% of their base in the water (2 Lurkers off table). We couldn't find anything in the rules apart from not being able to cross water over 200 paces in the rules so Sebastian was happy to go with it. He was just waiting to run down the board and push me into the water.

So in my first three goes I managed to roll three '1's, just great to get out of the river !! By this stage Sebastian was doubled up on the floor but then he made the beginners mistake and even a '1' let's you deploy a Lurker ! I managed to get a Warband with self-inflicted lack of recoil room. Then the Lurkers got wasted.

So down the table he came and the Riders on Penny-Farthings leapt at my bowmen. Don't take on Elven Archers with their back to the river edge, a rider went down as a hail of arrows punctured his tyre and one other barely escaped with his life. Realising the potential for disaster Fotherington-Smythe trundle in with his tank and set upon the thin very pale flesh line.

My advice is if you play Elves don't use the Hunting Wolf Hounds to take on a tank.

Dismayed by the sight of her favorite Hounds about to become bone feed, Salaya, Mage Queen of the Elves leapt at the side of F-S's tank failing to consider the space between her rear and the Mage King's base was narrower than a gnat's chaff. The tank ground the Beasts to a pulp and Salaya recoiled from the flank to die much to Sebastian's amusement.

Fortunately the Elven bow once again stood the line and took out two more Riders with a fine display of precision archery.

Consider that at this point other than the Lurkers I had advanced one solitary Shooter a mere 150 paces from my initial deployment line and corner sitting is not for me.

From a horrendous position Sebastian and I had contrived to each roll sufficient bad dice to make it 8AP lost each.

Realising his last Rider was about to become another pin cushion and the papers back home would question the suitability of Fotherington- Smythe to be the Queen's favorite and more importantly leader of the expedition unless victory was achieved, F-S instructed his drive to attack the Mage King, Amlofar. Despite the protestations of F'S's batman the tank lurched at the Elven General's chariot.

Mage General versus Behemoth on an island no bigger than the size of their joint bases, one facing up river, the other down river, winner takes all.

Cue picture of Sebastian's eyes....
Cue picture of Steve's eyes....
Cue picture of frightened child behind church down
Cue slow tuneful sound of watch chime
Cue picture of open plain as tumbleweed rolls
past Flash back to Steve's childhood
Flashback to scene of Sebastian laughing over mildly offensive joke
Cue 2 dice rolling, bouncing, colliding and stopping

Oh Sergio couldn't have done it better !

Fotherington-Smythe was last seen saluting astride his sinking tank as it was swept down river yelling "GAWD BLESS 'ER"

I leave my other game reports as I doubt you could stand the suspense !!

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