King Goodnut III, came into possession of a mighty gold crown which gave it‘s wearer great powers. using the Crown for the purposes of good, (his own aims), he made a mighty Empire under the watchful eye of his Master Wizard Jerkit Orf.

Evil was banished from the realm, (the lawyers were sent to seek punitive damage claims against the Orc kingdoms), and peace reigned, (the insurance agents were off trying to sign up the last known dragon for Hoard protection indemnity). Indeed the meek inherited the realm, (the Civil Service wrote 50 year forecasts and doubled its numbers every 10 years).

In the 90th year of his reign King Goodnut III died, (for the Crown also granted longevity provided the wearer went to bed early, didn‘t drink hard liquor and totally avoided sex). MW Jerkit Orf, fearing that the Crown would eventually be used for the purposes of evil took it and the King’s body, the latter being stuck in the Crown, into a second dimension. Under a spell known only to him, he created a Dimensional Tunnel Vortex, constructed a hidden and magical tomb and laid the King‘s body to rest, (in nice teddy bear jammies), Crown and all. MW Jerkit Orf, then closed the Vortex from the inner warp and remained to guard his King.

All would have remained well but when casting the spell to create the Vortex he uttered it in the presence of his familiar, (Buxom Lucibelle from the Magicians Arms), fortunately she was sleeping at the time but his faithful raven Blackfeather was not. Buxom Lucibelle woke and being totally pissed off at finding herself alone, especially as MW Jerkit Orf had not left as much as a gold sovereign behind, uttered a curse on mankind and went back to work in Public Relations at the MA. After a long and successful career, (lots of pokes and few doses), she fell into obscurity, (married a banker and kept her head down at parties). Unlike the short memory of the good Lucibelle, Blackfeather hung around for a couple of days before eating what was left of the newts and frogs, (thereby ending some dozen royal lines), before flying off in search of some succor (sic sucker).

Blackfeather eventually met up with an ex-insurance salesman and a lawyer who finding out the bird‘s origin took him for all he was worth, (three shiny marbles and a fake pearl). For the promises of a never ending worm Blackfeather squawked and told them all. the ex-insurance salesman and the lawyer, having ethics, refused to reveal the secret except for a high price. To further cash in on their stroke of good luck they published a limited edition, (1,000,000 copies), entitled the Spell of the Vortex, this fell into the right hands, (the gullible, greedy and those bent on world domination). The lawyer was content with the knowledge that if anybody ever found the Crown of Power he could make a fortune suing for its return/retention to or from the heirs of King Goodnut III. The insurance salesman made a fortune providing cover for one way dodgy expeditions.

King Havnot succeeded from Goodnut and quickly became a well liked ruler, rescinding prohibition, the evening curfew and lawful avoidance of sex. Goodnut had also left the Kingdom penniless, mainly through having an intensive Civil Service. Havnot made up quickly through taxation of the newly reformed Brewers, Distillers, Whore and Undertaker Guilds.

SO IT CAME TO PASS......

The game is for play under the HORDES OF THE THINGS (HOTT), but could be adapted for any rules you wish. There are no set number of players but the game is a race to find the hidden tomb of King Goodnut III, retrieve the Crown and head back through a Vortex.

As it happens the spells of the Vortex are all used on the same day by various seekers of the Crown, this is not a coincidence as the spell had to be cast of the day of the Blackfrog, (Blackfrogsday), which results in a near equal split of good and bad armies.

Due to part of the spell chain being wrong, (a little like the Jurassic Park DNA), the various Vortexi are unstable, (Blackfeather was swallowing a worm at the time he recited it). As such although one has been created by each contender they could vanish at any time, one by one. The good news is that you do not have to use your own Vortex as all head back into the right dimension.

The Alternative Dimension is peopled by Troglodytes, who consider their lands sacred and are hostile to all, (Umpire Controlled). As bespoken before the Tomb is concealed by magic and needs to be first discovered and then opened, (consider it a bit like the Tardis but it may not be a police box). Of course on opening the ‘box’ there can be all sorts of nasty surprises, Jerkit, scattered curses, hidden spells, size 44D booby traps, hidden monsters...(Spielberg would buy this script Iam sure).

Victory Conditions :-

The main purpose is to have a good time but :-

The Supreme Victor is the Good or Bad player who gets through a Vortex with the Crown. Or if the Crown does not make it, exits most of his army points.

Second Prize goes to the Good or Bad players who exit most of their type (This is a Group thing).

Umpire wins through amusement.

On leaving a Vortex a player may turn it off on either side. Flyers may enter and leave a Vortex but must do so at Ground Zero, so must fight an element guarding it.

The Crown has great power, it can only be worn by the main man of the army, he wouldn‘t want to share it. It makes any non-wizard general into a Standard Wizard and a player must decide at the time of combat or anti-wizard fire whether to use the Wizard attribute or not (i.e. Wizard on/off mode). A Wizard General doubles his power either the factor or distance but not both at the same time.

Hordes can keep coming from your own Vortex but not others if this disappears as the entrance is not in the same neck of the woods. You can instead envisage your loyal followers milling around feeling bad about not being able to join you. Armies must retire through the nearest Vortex on 50% army point losses.

There are lots of different strategies and tactics to use. DEPENDING ON HOW GOOD OR BAD YOU REALLY ARE.

The actual game was played on a ‘H’ shaped table made by joining two 7‘x3’ tables in the middle with a 2‘x2’ table. There were 9 main players and myself as Umpire, I used the cavemen complete with their Great God Ogg. The mighty Ogg. There was a number of armies including Arthurian, Tolkien Good, Thought Dragons, Eagles, Orcs, etc. I placed some 16 buildings on the table. Shuffled a pack of cards, one of which had Tomb written on it, the others with lurkers etc. A card was placed under each building. Players fought against them as if strongholds and if they won the secret was revealed. Players were divided into alternate good/bad around the H and each had a vortex which was diced for at the start of each move a 1 the vortex became erratic and started to flicker. Elements passing through needed to test being lost on a 1 or 2 to some other dimension. On a further 1 the Vortex broke down for good and on a 6

it would right itself. The Thought Dragon Flyers led by their Hero elements got the

Crown first and made back for their Vortex which was obstructed by the Mighty Ogg.

Ogg held them at bay until he got tired and left the table but the Vortex already unstable broke down before they could pass through. The Thought Dragons turned back and incredibly one by one the Vortexi broke down until only one existed. This was diagnally opposite and the Thought Dragons went for it Flying over the middle of the H they were severely mugged by the cavemen. The Eagles took possession chased by the remainder of the armies who converged upon them. A huge free for all took place during which the last Vortex broke down. the Tolkien Middle Earth Army took possession and Gandalf became a mighty Wizard who none could turn against, including Merlin who already had a collection of enscorcelled wizards. So the game ended.

The scenario worked well and even I was amazed by all the Vortex turning off. Of course the winner never got off the table but instead was allowed to dominate the second dimension. Rincewind and the Luggage also popped up and managed to flee through a vortex. Trust Rincewind to get out of a mess.

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