MEMOIRS

Of the

Monday, 7. Received a letter from Mr. Luce, and answered it. Gracious God dispose of the event to which it relates, as seemeth best to thee! Choose thou my heritage and my lot! Let it be thy doing, not mine!

This afternoon, I received a letter from my honoured mother, and my chest from London. It is a satisfaction to receive these presents and pledges of an earthly parent's love: but all the relations, and all the good things of this life, are less than nothing, and vanity, when compared with the love of Christ that passeth knowledge, and with one glimpse of thy special favour, O thou gracious Father of spirits.

Tuesday, 8. Was much refreshed, and sensibly comforted, in the evening, while reading Dr. Gill's sermon on the Death of Mr. Fall.

Wednesday, 9. A good deal of company dined here. How unprofitable are worldly interviews! Spent the evening much more advantageously in reading Dr. Gill's sermon on "The Watchman's Answer," and that great man's tract on final perseverance. Lord; grant me more and clearer evidences of my interest in that everlasting covenant, which is ordered in all things, and sure!

Thursday, 10. Heard that Mr. Duke has had a relapse into his fever. Pity, that so amiable a person in other respects should want the one thing most needful! How much has he suffered, since I knew him, by drinking too freely; and how many narrow escapes has he had of his life! Yet, I fear, he goes on still as an ox to the slaughter. " It hath set him on fire round about, yet he knows it not: it burneth him, yet he lays it not to heart." I bless God, who has enabled me to be faithful to the soul of my friend; and put it into my mind to write him that letter of remonstrance, from London, above a twelve month ago. But, alas! I have only delivered my own soul. Neither experience of present evils, nor the remonstrances of friends, will or can have any true effect on a sinner's heart, except thou, O Almighty Spirit, vouchsafe to reveal the arm of thy grace, and quicken the dead in sin, by the effectual working of thy glorious power!

As overseer of this parish, I went down, in the morning, to view two of the poor-houses, and see what repair they want. Lord, what am I, that thou hast cast my lot in fairer ground, and given me a more goodly heritage! Surely, in a way of providence no less than in a way of grace, thou hast made me differ; and I have nothing which I did not receive from thee.

In the evening wrote to my mother. Some particulars, in her last letters to me, obliged me, in my answer, to make the following observations, among others: "God has fulfilled His promises to me, so often, and in so many ways, that I think, if we could not trust His faithfulness and power, we should be doubly inexcusable. That He works by means, is certain; and I hope to try all that He puts into my hands. In the mean while, let us cast our care on him; and remember that he that believeth shall not make haste. There is one thing that pleases me much, about Broad-Hembury, and makes me hope for a blessing on the event, viz. that it was not, from first to last, of my own seeking: and every door, without any application of mine, has hitherto flown open, and all seems to point that way. As a good man somewhere says, 'A believer never yet carved for himself, but he cut his own fingers.' The all-wise God, whose never-failing providence ordereth every event, usually makes what we set our hearts upon unsatisfactory; and sweetens what we feared: bringing real evil out of seeming good; and real good out of seeming evil; to show us what short-sighted creatures we are, and to teach us to live by faith upon His blessed self. If I should really exchange my present living for Broad-Hembury, it will, I believe, be soon after Christmas. In the mean while add your prayers, that God Himself would be pleased to choose my heritage and fix my lot; command His gracious blessing on the event; turn the event; turn the balance, as seemeth good in His sight; and make it entirely His own doing, not mine. Do not let your tenderness for me get the better of your confidence in God; a fault, I fear too common, even with believing parents. Poor Mr. D. is relapsed, and his life is despaired of. Alas! What is wealth, with its usual attendants, the lust of the eye and the pride of life, when death stares us in the face! An interest in the covenant of grace is of more value than all the world God hath made. Riches profit not in the day of wrath: but righteousness, even the obedience, blood and intercession of Christ, delivereth from the sting of temporal, and from the very possibility of suffering eternal death. In Him may we be found, living and dying!"

In my chamber, before I went to bed, was much comforted while singing praise to the great Three-in-One, the author of all the blessings I enjoy, and of all I hope for. I can testify, by sweet and repeated experience, that, that singing is an ordinance of God, and a means of grace. Lord, fit my soul to bear part in that song for ever new, which the elect angels, and saints made perfect in glory, are now singing before the throne and before the Lamb!

Friday, 11. Rode to Broad-Hembury, on a visit to Mr. Luce, where I spent the day, and stopped all night. Before I went to bed, God was with me in private prayer.

Saturday, 12. After breakfast, left Broad-Hembury, and returned home to Fen-Ottery, taking Ottery St. Mary on the way, where I called on my friend Mr. Johnson. In the evening read Bishop Newton on the prophecies. At night was earnest with God, in private prayer, for a blessing on my tomorrow's ministrations; and received an answer of peace. Lord, evermore increase my mental dependence on the Holy Spirit. I am less than nothing, if less I can be: and O! I am worse than nothing, for I am a vile sinner. But thou art infinitely gracious, and all power is thine.

Sunday, 13. The Lord was with me both parts of the day. Water, O God, the souls that heard; and the seed of thy word, sown in weakness, do thou raise in power.

Between morning and afternoon service, read through Dr. Gill's excellent and nervous tract on predestination, against Wesley. How sweet is that blessed and glorious doctrine to the soul, when it is received through the channel of inward experience! I remember a few years ago, Mr. Wesley said to me, concerning Dr. Gill, that "he is a positive man and fights for his opinions through thick and thin." Let the Doctor fight as he will, I am sure he fights to good purpose: and I believe it may be said of my learned, as it was of the Duke of Marlborough, that he never fought a battle which he did not win.

Monday, 14. This morning, one William Towning, about nineteen years old, was brought here before Mr. Penny, for breaking open and robbing farmer Endicott's house yesterday afternoon, in time of service, while the family were at church. My honest parishioner, it seems, just before he went out, stepped back into his room, he knew not why, and put away a considerable sum of money into a more secret place than where it had lain for some time past; by which means he was only robbed of little more than thirty shillings in money. How evidently providential! Just before the unhappy young man was going off from Mr. Penny's to Exeter Jail, his father, who had heard of his son's situation but an hour or two before, came up to the house with a look that too plainly declared the agonies of his heart. Unable to face his parent, the young man burst into tears, and retired into the orchard, whither his guard and his father followed him. Lord, if it be consistent with the counsel of thy will, be the comforter and the salvation of this sinner and his afflicted family! Bad as he is, thy grace can melt him down. By nature, I am as vile as he: yet I am, I trust, a monument of mercy, and a trophy of thy redeeming power. Blessed be the Lord, my New-Creator! Blessed be the Lord my faithful keeper! On all occasions of this sort, I would recall that excellent line,

    "Aut sumus, aut fuimus, vel possumus esse, quod hic est."

Before I came out of my chamber today, I was too hasty and short in private prayer. My conscience told me so at the time; and yet, such was my ingratitude and my folly, that I nevertheless restrained prayer before God. In the course of the day, I had great reason to repent of my first sin, by being permitted to fall into another. It is just, O Lord, that thou shouldest withdraw thy presence from one who waited so carelessly on thee. May I never more, on any pretext whatever, rob thee (or rather, deprive my own soul) of thy due worship; but make all things else give way to communion with thee!

The Lord, however, was pleased, in a few hours, sensibly to heal me of my backslidings; and open the intercourse of love between himself and me. I never so feelingly wonder at my own depravity, nor so deeply abhor myself, as when the fire of divine love warms my heart, and the out-pourings of God's Spirit enliven my soul. Surely the knowledge of salvation is the most powerful incentive to repentance; and not only the most prevailing, but an absolutely irresistible motive to universal holiness!

[There then follows a section of Toplady's diary, in which he frequently quotes in Latin or Hebrew. Inasmuch as some readers may not have the right fonts on the computer, or the linguistic skills (like me) to read this, I propose to leave out the Latin or Hebrew pieces, and just quote Toplady's comments in English. Where I omit a section I will simply type ……………]

Began Le Clerc's "Ars Critica." A most learned, and, in many respects, useful performance: yet sadly interlarded with scepticism and profaneness. God keep me from being a mere scholar. As a specimen of this learned Frenchman's religion, I transcribe the following passages, from that part of his book I have hitherto read. Page 52, "……………….." which latter clause is no more than a cold, paltry compliment, added, I suppose, to qualify, in some measure, the rudeness of what goes before. But, surely, primitive Judaism and Christianity are not two religions, but one and the same religion, under two different dispensations. Page 122, he positively asserts, that there are very many things in the Old Testament, "………..:"for proof of which, he assigns six reasons; but such as even I, with my little knowledge, can see through the fallacy of, and, to my own satisfaction, at least, refute. Page 125, he does, in fact, deny that Hebrew can be understood at all with certainty; some Jews, says he, did about a thousand years after Christ, begin to compose Grammars and Commentaries on Scripture. "…………………" The preceding part of the citation represents the language itself as hardly intelligible: but the latter is such a home thrust at the Scriptures, as, I am apt to think, never fell from the pen of any other writer that called himself a Christian. Presently after, he tells us, that the Samaritan Pentateuch is preferable to the Hebrew; as being free from many smaller blunders, with which the latter "…….." every where abounds. He ranks it among Rabbinical conjectures, to suppose "……" Page 126, he falls foul on Grammars and Lexicons: as things in which very little confidence can be reposed: adding by way of crown to all the rest, "……………….." [namely the Hebrew Scripture itself; all commentators, whether Jewish or Christian; and all Grammars, Lexicons, &c.] "……………….." If so, farewell to all knowledge, not only of the Hebrew, but of every dead language whatever. Even Lexicons and Grammars are not to be trusted. But is not this the very quintessence of scepticism? And should not such a critic, with all his pomp of literature, be hissed out of the learned world? I mean, so far as the endeavours to sap the foundation of learning itself, and (which will always, in some measure, stand or fall with it) sound religion. Yet this is the writer, whose theological works (which I never desire to see) were so strenuously recommended to me, some years ago, by my friend, Bishop of Clogher

Friday, 18. Rode to Honiton; when I bought Whitty's Sermons. The excellent professor Walaeus's Works, and two volumes of the Cripplegate Lectures. In the evening, on my return to Fen Ottery, had some short but sweet rays of comfort from above.

Saturday,19. Was afflicted with wandering in private prayer. Lord, melt down my icy heart, and grant me to wait upon thee ………. O, when, to use the language of the seraphic Mr. Hervey, will my devotions be longer "like the motes, which fluctuate to and fro in the air, without any vigorous impulse or certain aim; but like the arrow, which springs from the strained bow, and, quick as lightning, flies to the mark!" My God, I want the ………..., the inwrought prayer (as Mr. Henry translates James V 16), the prayer of the heart, wrought in the soul by the Holy Ghost.

Sunday, 20. Was indisposed the former part of the day. Read prayers and preached in the morning, but languidly. In the afternoon God renewed my strength; and I read prayers and preached, at Harpford, with much freedom of soul, to an exceedingly large congregation. O the difference, the inexpressible difference, between enjoying God's presence, and pining in its absence! This day, my soul has been like a chariot without wheels; and afterwards, mounted as on eagles' wings. Blessed be God, for tempering distress with joy! Too much of the former might weigh me quite down; too much of the latter might exalt me above measure. It is wisely and kindly done, O God, to give me a taste of both.

Monday, 21. In the morning, married John Court and Susanna Carter, at Harpford. On my return hither, spent the after part of the day, reading the late Mr. Whitty's Sermons; not without some sensible comfort and joy in the Holy Ghost: yet, evangelical as the matter of these discourses is, the style in which they are written will not suffer me to think that the worthy author himself ever intended them for publication. It is a pity that the editor had first let them pass under the file of some able friend. Nevertheless, the inaccuracies of composition are greatly over-balanced by the sweet savour of that precious name and adorable grace, which, to the believing soul, are as ointment poured forth.

Tuesday, 22. All day within. The former part of it I was considerably out of order: and experienced something of what it is to have a body without health, and a soul without comfort. But, while I was musing, the fire kindled, and the light of God's countenance shone within. I found a particular blessing in reading Mr. Mayo's Sermon (Morning Exercises, vol. iv. Sermon iv.) on our "Deliverance by Christ from the fear of Death." Heb. ii. 15. Several things, in that choice discourse, struck me much; among the rest, the observations that follow: "The apostle says, (1 Thess. iv. 14.) that Jesus died; but that the saints sleep in Him: the reason why the phrase is varied, is because he sustained death with all its terrors, that so it might become a calm and quiet sleep to the saints. Satan desired to have Peter, that he might sift him as wheat; and with what did he sift and shake him? Why, it was with the fear of death. Peter was afraid they would deal with him, as they were dealing with his master. It was his slavish fear of death, that made him deny Christ; but anon, he recovered himself, and got over his fear; how came this about? It was by means of faith. Christ had prayed for him that his faith should not fail. It may be said of those who are fearful of death, that they are of little faith. It is usual with God to give His people some clusters of the grapes of Canaan here in the wilderness; to give them some drops of that new wine, which they shall drink in the kingdom of their Father. This sets them a longing to have their fill thereof; even as the Gauls, when they had tasted the wines of Italy, were not satisfied to have those wines brought to them, but would go to possess the land where the vines grew."

In the afternoon my indisposition was, in great measure, removed. Surely the shedding abroad of divine love in the heart, and a good hope through grace, frequently conduce as much to the health of the body as to the health of the soul. This is not the first time I have found it so.

Thursday, 24. My faith was weak, and my comfort small, this whole day; especially in the evening. Yet, this is my rock of dependence, that the foundation of the Lord standeth sure; His love is unchangeable; His purpose according to election, cannot be overthrown; His covenant is from everlasting to everlasting; and He girdeth me when I know it not.

Friday, 25. Read prayers, preached, and administered the holy sacrament, here at Fenn-Ottery, in the morning,— — Farmer T— — e (whom I happened to meet at Miktam, no longer ago than last Wednesday evening, so drunk that he could hardly sit on his horse) presented himself at the Lord's table, with the rest of the communicants; but I past him by, not daring to administer the symbols of my Saviour's body and blood to one who had lately crucified him afresh, and had given no proof of repentance. He appeared surprised and abashed. Lord, make this denial of the outward visible sign, a means of inward and spiritual grace to his soul! In the afternoon, read prayers and preached to a very large congregation at Harpford. Drank tea at Farmer Carter's. Spent part of the evening at Mr. Leigh's, at Hayne. Thence, returned home, to Fen-Ottery.— A day most intense cold.

I would observe, that I have, through the blessing of God been perfectly well through this whole day, both as to health, strength, and spirits; and gone through my church duties with the utmost ease, freedom and pleasure, yet I have experienced nothing of that comfort and spiritual joy, which I sometimes do. A demonstration this, that they are prodigiously wide of the mark, who think that what believers know to be the joys of the Holy Ghost are, in fact, no other than certain pleasing sensations, arising from a brisk circulation of the blood, and a lively flow of the animal spirits. In this light, the consolations of God are considered by those who never experienced them, but if what the regenerate declare to be the sweetness of divine fellowship, is, in reality, no more than, what the cold formalist imagines, the mere result [………..]; it would follow, that every person when in full health and spirits, actually enjoys that inward complacency and sweetness. But this is very far from being the case. I myself am a witness, that spiritual comforts are sometimes highest, when bodily health, strength, and spirits, are at the lowest; and when bodily health, strength, and spirits are at the highest, spiritual comforts are sometimes at the lowest; nay, clear gone, and totally absent. Whence I conclude, that the sensible effusions of divine love in the soul, is superior to, independent of, and distinct from, bodily health, strength, and spirits. These may be, where that is not; and vice versa.

At night in my chamber, God was with me in my private waiting upon him; and I could indeed say, from a heart-felt sense of his love, that it is good for me to draw nigh unto the Lord. Thy visitation, sweet Jesus, is the life and joy of my spirit.

Saturday, 26. Gave Dr. Gill's tract on Justification, another reading; not without much edification and comfort. I do think, that this great man's arguments for the proper eternity of this blessing, ex parte Dei, are unanswerable. Glory to thee, O Lord, for my sense of special interest in thy everlasting love! Were all the treasures of ten thousand worlds displayed to my view, the sight of them, the mere sight, would not make me the richer nor the happier; it is the knowledge of peculiar property in any blessing, that felicitates the soul. In this comfort lies. And, thanks to divine grace, I can look upon all the unsearchable riches of Christ, as my own. Lord, increase my faith, and add to my thankfulness more and more.

Sunday, 27. In the morning, read prayers and preached, at Harpford, to a congregation tolerably large, and very attentive. Afterwards administered the Lord's Supper to some who appeared to be truly devout communicants. It was indeed an ordinance of love to my own soul. I experienced the favour and presence of God. I sat under his shadow with great delight, and his fruit was pleasant to my taste.

In the afternoon, read prayers and preached, with great liberty and engagement of mind, here, at Fenn-Ottery. My subject was Acts xiii. 39. The sermon itself (excepting a few additions here and there) was what I had formerly wrote in Ireland, in the year 1760, a little before I quitted college. I can never be sufficiently thankful, that my religious principles were all fixed long before I ever entered into orders. Through the good hand of my God upon me, I set out in the ministry with clear gospel-light from the first; a blessing not vouchsafed to every one. Many an evangelical minister has found has found himself obliged to retract and unsay what he had taught before in the days of his ignorance. Lord, how is it that I have been so signally favoured of thee! O keep me to the end steadfast in the truths. Let me but go on and experimentally and sensibly to know thee; and then it will be absolutely impossible for me to depart from the precious doctrines of grace; my early insight into which I look upon as one of the distinguishing blessings of my life.

In the evening, received a letter from Mr. Andrew Lacam, of London, wherein he gives me this account of his late sister, Mrs. Carter, who died last month: "She had, for some time, left the fountain of living waters. I had two different conferences with her during her illness. I assured her, that I did not come to lord it over her; but, in love to her soul, put the question, How stand matters between God and you? Her attestation was, with sighs and tears, as follows: 'I am truly sensible that I have run away from God, and it is my heart's burden. But it is written in God's word, "Whoso cometh unto me I will in no wise cast out." I will, therefore, upon his promise, venture to cast my soul, without reserve, upon Jesus Christ; and there I am sure I can never perish.' Upon this, we went to prayer," &c.

I could not forbear answering my friend's letter almost as soon as I received it; and among other things, observed to him as follows:

"The account you give of dear Mrs. Carter's decease, is a ground for hope in Israel concerning her. It is a great and blessed thing when we are enabled to cast ourselves on the promises. It cannot possibly be done without faith: and he that believeth shall be saved. Adored be the free grace of God, which, I trust, healed the backslidings of your sister, and brought her again within the bond of the covenant. His Spirit alone can drive the plough-share of penitential conviction through a sinner's heart, and give us to mourn at the spiritual sight of him whom our sins have pierced. The Lord give us to mourn more and more, until we have mourned away our unbelief, our carelessness, and hardness of heart! The soul, I verily believe, is never safer than when, with returning Mary, we stand at the feet of Christ, behind him, weeping. I read lately of a minister in the last century, whose departing words were, "A broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise." Nor can I think such a state to be at all inferior, in point of real safety, to that of a good man who died a few years ago in London, with these triumphant words in his mouth, "Now, angels, do your office." Of some it is written, "They shall come with weeping, and with supplications will I lead them;" while others of the Lord's people enter the haven of everlasting life, as it were, with full sails and flying colours: they "return with singing unto Zion." But this is our comfort, that of all whom the Father gave to Christ, he will not lose one. However the joy of faith may decline, the grace itself shall never totally fail; having, for it's security, the Father's covenant-love, which is from everlasting to everlasting; the blessed Mediator's intercession, which is perpetual and all prevailing; and the faithfulness of the Holy Ghost, who, when once given, is a fountain of living water, springing up in the believer's heart to life eternal. May he, in all his plenitude of saving grace and heavenly love, descend upon our souls as dew, and make us glad with the light of his countenance!— When I consider the goodness of God to me, the chief of sinners, I am astonished at the coldness of my gratitude and the smallness of my love. Yet, little and cold as it is, even that is his gift, and the work of his Spirit. An earnest, I cannot doubt, of more and greater. The Lord Jesus increase the spark to a flame, and make the little one become a thousand! My health, after which you are so kind as to enquire, was never better. And, which is greater still, I often experience the peace that passeth all understanding, and the joy that is unspeakable and full of glory. Not that I am always upon the mount. There are seasons, in which my Lord is "as one that hideth himself." But he only hides himself. He never forsakes the sinner he has loved. And, blessed be his name, he has engaged that the regenerate soul shall never totally forsake him; else, there would never be a saint in heaven. I rejoice to hear of Mrs. W's temporal welfare; and pray God to make her, spiritually, such as he would have her to be. She and I have much chaff to be burnt up; much tin to be consumed; may the blood of the Lamb be upon us both, for pardon; and the sacred Spirit be to us as a refining fire, for sanctification. If you write to her, do present the captain and her with my Christian respects: and let her know from me, that except she comes to Christ as a poor sinner, with the halter of self-abasement round her neck, and the empty vessel of faith in her hand; as a condemned criminal, who has nothing to plead; and as an insolvent debtor, who has nothing to pay; she is stout-hearted, and far from righteousness. The way to be filled with the fullness of God, is to bring no money in our sack's mouth. If you see my old friend, Mr. I. tell him, that he will not be able to find any rest for the sole of his foot, until he returns to the doctrines of grace, and flies back to the ark of God's election."

Tuesday, 29. At night, before I betook myself to rest, I was enabled to act faith very strongly on the promises. It was as if I had held a conversation with God. He assured me of his faithfulness, and I trusted him. It was whispered to my soul, "Thou shall find me faithful:" my soul answered, "Lord, I believe it: I take thee at thy word." This, I am certain, was more than fancy. It was too sweet, too clear, and too powerful, to be the daughter of imagination. There was a nescio quid divini, attended with joy unspeakable, as much superior to all the sensations excited by earthly comforts, as the heavens are higher than the earth. Besides, in my experience of this kind, when under the immediate light of God's presence within, my soul is, in great measure, passive; and lies open to the beams of the Sun of righteousness. These acts of faith, love and spiritual aspiration, are subsequent to, and occasioned by, this unutterable reception of divine influence. I bless my God, I know his inward voice; the still, small whisper of his good Spirit: and can distinguish it from every other suggestion whatever. Lord evermore give me this bread to eat, which the world knoweth not of!

Paid farmer Carter for four bushels of wheat, to be distributed among the poor, as follows John Churchill, Robert Bishop, Henry Wilson, James Bedford, jun., Joseph Wescoat, James Wey, Sarah Hare, John Churchill of Southertown, Charles Redwood, Patience Hall, William Perry, William May, jun., Elias Tews, Richard Haddon, and Richard House, one peck each; and half a peck each to Elizabeth Critchard, and William May, sen.

Before I went to bed God gave me such sense of His love as came but little short of full assurance. Who am I, O Lord? The weakest and vilest of all thy called ones: not only the least of saints, but the chiefest of sinners. But though a sinner, yet sanctified, in part, by the Holy Ghost given unto me. I should wrong the work of His grace upon my heart, were I to deny my regeneration: but, Lord, I wish for a nearer conformity to thy image. My short-comings and my mis-doings, my unbelief and want of love, would sink me into the nethermost hell, was not Jesus my righteousness and my redemption. There is no sin which I would not commit, were not Jesus, by the power of His Spirit, my sanctification. O when shall I resemble Him quite, and have all the mind that was in Him? When I see Him face to face; which God will hasten in His time.

Upon a review of the past year, I desire to confess, that my unfruitfulness has been exceeding great; my sins still greater; and God's mercies greater than both. It is now between eleven and twelve at night; nor can I conclude the year more suitably, to the present frame of my own mind, than with the following verse from one of my hymns, which expresses both my sense of the past, and my humble dependence on divine goodness for future, favours:

This dreadfully-severe weather continuing. I ordered two more bushels of wheat to be distributed as follows: to - Hooper, James Blackmore, John Sanford, Elizabeth Woodrow, Grace Mitchell, and Martha Ham, one peck each; and to John Trimlett, two pecks.

Received a letter from my honoured mother. The same person who brought it brought me likewise two London newspapers; which I hope to read to-morrow; but dare not do so on God's day. After evening service, visited and prayed with William May, sen. His cry was, "What shall I do to be saved?" But I could not, on close conversation with him, discover the least sign of evangelical repentance. He neither sees the vileness of his heart, nor knows his need of Christ. Lord, bless what I was enabled to speak, and do that work upon his soul which man cannot! One of the most difficult and discouraging parts of the ministry, I have long found, is visiting the ignorant and unawakened sick. But nothing is too hard for God. He, whose grace wrought on me, is able to work on the sinner I have been with to-day; and will assuredly, if his name is in the Book of Life. Amidst all our discouragements, in ministering to others; and amidst all our doubts respecting ourselves; there is yet a foundation both sure and steadfast, even the rock of God's eternal election. Was it not for this, how would my hands hang down! and what hope could I have for myself or others? But this sets all to rights. The unchangeable Jehovah knows His own people by name, and will, at the appointed season, lead them, out of a state of nature into a state of grace, by effectual vocation: for "whom He did predestinate, them He also called ." This is all my salvation, and all my desire: the ground of the former, and the object of the latter. At night, God is very gracious to me in secret prayer. Great was my joy in the Lord; sweet my communion, and free my access. O that I had something to render Him for all His benefits! Just before I went to bed, that blessed promise was whispered powerfully to my soul, and sensibly sealed upon my heart, "I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee." Amen. Lord Jesus.

"We halt, like Jacob, both in and after our strongest wrestlings."

"I may term secret prayer, the invisible light of the soul in the bosom of God. Out of this heavenly closet rises Jacob's ladder, whose rounds are all of light: its foot stands upon the basis of the covenant in the heart; its top reaches the throne of grace."

"A weeping countenance, and a wounded spirit, are most beautiful prospects to the eye of heaven; when a broken heart pours out repenting tears, like streams from the rock, smitten by the rod of Mose's law in the hand of a mediator."

"It was an ingenious passage of Chrystostom, concerning the woman of Canaan, [...Toplady here quotes from Lee's sermon, in Greek...], the poor distressed creature was turned an acute philosopher with Christ, and disputed mercy from him. O, it is a blessed thing to attain to this heavenly philosopher of prayer, and to argue blessings out of the hand of God. The soul, like Jacob, does in arenam descendere, enter the lists with omnipotency, and, by holy force, obtain the blessing."

"When the sweet incense of Christ's prayer ascends before the father, our prayers become sweet and amiable, and cause a savour of rest with God. This I take to be one reason why the prevalency of prayer is so often assigned to the time of the evening sacrifice; as pointing at the death of Christ, which was about the ninth hour of the day, near the time of the evening oblation. Hence Abraham's sacrifice received a gracious answer being offered about the going down of the sun; Isaac went out to pray at the eventide; Elijah, at Mount Carmel, prayed and offered at the time of the evening sacrifice; Ezra fell on his knees, and spread out his hands, at the evening sacrifice; David begs that his prayer might avail, by the power of the evening sacrifice; Daniel, in prayer, was touched by the angel, about the time of the evening oblation. All, to show the prevelency of our access to the throne of grace, by the powerful merit of Christ's intercession, who was the acceptable evening sacrifice."

"The holy motions upon the hearts of saints, in prayer, are the fruits of God's unchangeable decrees of love to them, and the appointed ushers of mercy: He graciously determines to give a praying, arguing warm, affectionate frame, as the prodromus, or forerunner of some decreed mercy."

"Prayer is that intelligible chain, that draws the soul up to God, and draws mercy down to us; or like the cable which draws the ship to land, though the shore itself remain immoveable:" intimating that the saints do not pray, with a view to make God, who is unchangeable, reverse any of His decrees; but, 1. To draw their own souls into near communion with Him; and, 2. As one appointed means, in and through which God is pleased to bestow the blessings to which His people are predestinated. The excellent man goes on:

"We must gradually be acquainted with all the Three [persons of the Trinity]: first with the Spirit; then, with Christ; and, last, with the Father. First God sends the Spirit of HIs Son into our hearts; and, then, through the Son , we cry, Abba, Father. The father chose us in Christ, and sends His Spirit to draw us to Christ; and, by Christ, to Himself. Have ye this access to God, by the Spirit? Bosom-communion flows from Bosom-affection."

"A godly man prays in finding seasons. There are special seasons of drawing nigh to God; when he draws nigh to us: when the beloved looks forth at the window, and shews himself through the lattice, Cant. ii. 9. That is a time of grace when He knocks at the door of thy heart, by His Spirit. Motions of the heart [toward Christ] are like the doves of the east, sent with letters about their necks. It was said of Burnard, Ex motu cordis, spiritus sancti praesetion agnoscebat; he knew when the Holy Spirit was present with him, by the motion of his heart."

"When thou canst discern the print of the broad seal of the covenant upon thy heart; and the privy seal of the Spirit upon thy prayers; and can look upon the Son in a sacerdotal relation to thee; thou mayest come boldly, &c."

"As Gerson says, Secuitr lachrymosa divotio flante Spiritu sancto: devout tears drop down from the Spirit's influence: melting supplications follow the Holy Spirit's gracious infusions."

"As the seaman, when he has set sail, goes to the helm and the compass, and sits still, and observes the sun, or the polar star, and how the ship works, and whether the land-marks form themselves aright according to his chart; so do you, when you have been at prayer, mark your ship, how it makes the port; and what rich goods are laden back again from heaven. Most people lose their prayers in the mist and fog of non observation."

"David gave himself to prayer; in the Hebrew , it is, but I prayer; a Christian is all over prayer: he prays at rising, at lying down, and as he walks: like a prime favourite at court, who has the key to the privy stairs, and can wake his prince by night."

"We find David at prayer in the morning; and our blessed Lord, early in the morning, before day. Chrysostom advises [...again, here,Toplady quotes in Greek...] : wash thy soul, before thou washest thy body." A direction which I trust to observe inviolably, from this day forward; during my pilgrimage below.

The good man observes, page 292, that such as are truly converted have no need to pray by a prescribed form: "they have the Spirit of God to assist and enable them; and they need not drink of another's bucket, who have the fountain." This certainly holds good, for the most part at least, with regard to secret prayer: but not always, I apprehend, in open devotions, whether of a public or a domestic kind. Grace and gifts do not always go together. A person may have true grace, and great grace, without gifts; and may, on the other hand, have shining gifts, without a spark of real grace; witness the parable of the talents. All prayer is formal, in the worst sense, which does not ascend from the heart, by the Holy Ghost: and all prayer is spiritual which does; be it prescribed, or extemporary. Mr. Lee adds, p.296.,

"God hath declared Himself graciously pleased with secret prayer, so as to send an angel into Daniel's chamber ; and he was weary with flying, volans in lassitudine, he moved so swiftly; as the original text expresses it; Dan. ix. 21 [...Toplady includes a small quote in Hebrew...]. What a high expression [and strong figure] is this! Even angels are represented to us as weary with hasty flights to bring saints their answers! Of what great account does the Lord esteem his praying people, that angels are expressed to be tired in bringing  tidings of mercy!