Looking outside this morning I saw the whole area carpeted by snow, it seemed an appropriate time to write my missive. As I get older I appear to “put things off”, I’ve been thinking about what to write for ages but have not committed myself to technology. Please accept my apologies for the computer generated ramble, it is the only way to ensure I get the right response from my proofreaders. Here goes, the adventures of the Turner household for 2008.

          In a brief review of the year nothing much has happened, then I sit and really think, quite a struggle in my case as the ”Little grey cells”(any guesses as to what we have been watching?) get very few workouts these days. I am still helping / volunteering at the local blind group. It still makes me laugh, the blind leading the blind. January saw Pottery and I part company. Probably due to my heavy-handed way; I haven’t changed. The woman running the class had no teacher training and seemed only to respond to the loudest person, until I went to help someone and then she was there too. Me staying was helping no one so I went-------to the art class. In many ways that is even more amusing than helping with pottery. My biggest challenge is Lauren; I think I have mentioned him before. He is a very spoilt young man; his mum has totally indulged him, making him believe if he shouts out he will get, not in my classes. Notice the way I have taken possession, He knows in them he is to be quiet and wait his turn, it is working for me but I have been reliably informed not for anyone else’s group. He displays no boundaries and tends to have wandering hands where women are concerned. He tried to stroke my neck, in a way that you instinctively know he is trying it on, in my best schoolmistress’ voice I told him “No”. He stopped immediately, no more than I would have expected, it was the shock of nearly knocking my volunteer off her seat. It was wonderful to realise that I had not lost it, not sure if it would still work on today’s children. I have no intention of finding out.

March is a major month as it is Katherine’s birthday and the first festival of the year. It was very convenient; we go to Swansea to sing and then returned home pausing at Portsmouth to wish Katherine Happy Birthday. Indulgent parents aren’t we?  In order to get a practise with the Swansea choir we go the day before. We have done this for years but are always amazed by the changes to the area. Too often our conversations are peppered with “It’s not like it used to be”, “Do you remember when? “ Why mention this now? All will be revealed, if you can bear to read on. The night rolls in quite early in March and we walked to the church hall where the rehearsal was.  We always walk as we think it is better for us (of course this is rubbish, we just eat more). The other reason is there is no worry about drinking with our evening meal. It had always been quite easy but this year was different. I could say it was an enjoyable walk but I would be lying, anyone watching us would be laughing and I don’t blame them. The pavements had cones everywhere; maybe that is where Swansea council store them? The paths left, had lumps, holes and constantly swerved from side to side. It would be a nightmare for most, then add in darkness and blindness. Welcome to our world. I am fiercely independent and have a little sight left so not the easiest person to lead. So much of the journey was a bit like the chuckle brothers “To me, to you” , “Mind the hole”, ”Step down”, ”Stop”. Our conversation was very one-sided Nerves shredded we had made it, more surprisingly Allan had not considered divorce obviously, the blue badge was even more of an advantage than I thought.

          We were so relieved to have got there; it was some minutes before we became aware that the church hall was in darkness. Always erring on the side of caution we are often too early, could this be one of those occasions? Checking watches, we were in fact late, where was everyone else? For once, we had a mobile phone and a phone number. We don’t do mobile phones, I always carry one but it is never switched on. Fingers crossed he rang the number; at least it was a mobile so there was a chance he would have it on him. It was ringing then it went to voice mail. Even to this day, I am amazed at the calmness of the message. Standing beside him I could hear him spitting feathers, he was so wound up, on the phone it was his best telephone voice. After a while we decided it was unlikely that we would get a response so we might as well go and eat, we had walked after all! As we walked past another church, we heard singing and I said, “That could be them, why don’t you go in and see”. I was there and I have difficulty believing that I even suggested it. Looking around he said there didn’t seem to be enough cars but when I want to I can be very persuasive. Still not really sure he slowly moved a little closer when a large car turned up brimming over with women who piled out and entered the church. As he sings in Male voice praise, obviously not his choir. He switched off the phone soon after, as it was too late to practise anything. Next morning we got our response, the rehearsal had been moved and no one had thought to tell him, isn’t it nice to be appreciated?

          On the way home we dropped in on Katherine, for her birthday we had offered to take her and her housemates out to lunch. Why did we suggest this, the whole idea filled me with dread. There would be opportunities to drop clangers and cause much embarrassment. To add another dimension they had had a party the night before. Before we managed to ring the bell, the door opened, Katherine was all smiles. Were they for us or for her presents?  Almost before we crossed the threshold, we were told how early they’d been up to clear up for our arrival. Are we that scary? I mean to say how would I see the dirt? My concern was, how would they survive the meal? They were students, they should be used to late nights, today was more the shock of early morning. I knew one of the girls but had never met the other girl or her boyfriend. Not that that would affect the way I was, at this point you can feel some sympathy for them. Seated at a long table, a lesser or more controlled person would have seen this as a problem not a challenge. I was quite surprised that they did not take advantage of the free booze; it seemed that I was the only one drinking! One advantage of not being able to drive! Andrea’s boyfriend was a gift to someone like me but it would be unfair of me to expound on what happened. (Yet another first) It is just enough to say I will never view Garlic bread in the same way! Everything went well until we got back to their home and I needed to go to the loo. Nothing was wrong with that, merely a simple call of nature but in my case a massive challenge. The toilet was up stairs that were twisty and dark; I needed Katherine to lead me. I can only imagine what they thought downstairs as she said “Step up”, “Turn to the left a bit” and so she went on, at least I give good value for money.

          Allan and my birthdays are both in April but this year we didn’t really celebrate as there was something far more dramatic going on. Allan was asked to conduct at the London festival. This meant controlling nearly two hundred men, very scary. As the afternoon rehearsal progressed, his wavering confidence was boosted. Many of the men do not practise any of the pieces before the day but one that had said, “I cannot get the hang of this piece”, the man he was talking to responded “Don’t worry, that one’s conducted by Allan Turner”. Such belief in you must make you feel better. It also helped that he pulled up another conductor for talking while he was giving instructions. The men liked the fact that he goes through the pieces once and they get it right! That evening was the performance and I was nervous on his behalf. To be perfectly honest I did not know that there would be so many parts of my body that could be crossed. This was the biggest choir he had ever conducted, he was not up until half way through; would my nerves hold up? Always writing notes through performances, it helps me remember what happened in quite good detail I have never pulled punches. Possibly, there was a bias but the other conductors lived up to all their previous performances. They were not good, very little direction to the men and almost lacking in passion. All of which resulted in poor parts and not great sound, often the words were completely lost. Then it was his turn, some of what is to follow has to be based on other’s observations but of course, the twist is all mine. As the men rose to their feet they all paid attention to Allan, not something they had done previously. It could have been to make sure that they did not miss any of his moves. He tends to use all of his body to express how he wants the music to flow, definitely a wiggler. It means that if you don’t like the music you can enjoy the comedy. It was good, the men watched and did what he told them, the sound had strong parts and even the words were clear. Others also noticed the discipline that he inspired, all those limbs crossed might have just helped.

          Two things happened that helped us change our minds about a long held opinion. First, we took our normal trip to Powys- another festival. We enjoy this one as it starts with a wonderful meal that by comparison with London is quite cheap and a lot better. We got into conversation with another couple. They obviously lived in the area and went on to tell us about the other good restaurants along the road. Continuing they said, “Of course the main reason to visit this restaurant is the view out of the window to see the Red kites”. There was no need to tell them it was all wasted on me but I think that they might have had a suspicion as Allan led me out of the restaurant, not quite missing them all. We were back on the road and all was going well until we noticed the signposts signalling England. Allan was calmness personified; in my dreams; in reality, his speed matched his frustration. There were a few handbrake halts as he consulted maps, to no avail. Dare I mention to him that we might be lost? A calmer drive would have allowed us to enjoy new aspects of Wales but my focusing abilities are far slower than that. Eventually we got back on the right road and at this point Allan told me that the real reason that he did not want to travel back into England was that we would have to pay a toll! The other thing that influenced our long held opinion, about what you are still not sure, was a trip into London. We have many tickets to the Royal Albert Hall, normally we travel up by public transport but this concert did not start until ten o’clock. We decided to drive up. I was not worried Allan had travelled into London for years. In fact, I was looking forward to the comfort of door-to-door service, what a mistake! It started well, once we had managed to recall which way to go. Once we had started on the familiar route, we were sure that this would be easy. Everything went well, or as well as driving an unfamiliar route can go. Things change, plants grow and memory cells diminish over ten years. We made it to the river but we crossed the wrong bridge, the tension inside the car began to grow. Which way next? Every signpost was obstructed by vegetation. (They don’t grow this well in my garden) What I wouldn’t have done to have access to a chain saw or similar cutting device. As we drove down road after road trying to find some landmark we recognised you could cut the atmosphere in the car with a knife, maybe it was just as well there was no chain saw. Time ticked by, would we make it? Pulling up outside the Royal Albert Hall things should have calmed down, now the problem was to find somewhere to park. After several circuits, we eventually found somewhere and we were only an hour and a half early. The concert was worth the effort, The Kings Singers were brilliant. The way each member of the group used their own voice to emphasis their part was very powerful. A bit of relief when they changed from French to English, then I could understand exactly what they were singing. The journey home was better but not brilliant so we will not be doing it again. What do these two stories have in common, we got lost! For years, we have held the belief that Sat Navs are for people who are too lazy to read maps, now we seriously considered buying one.

          Most people having made the decision would have ordered one off the internet or taken the car to somewhere to check them out then buy it, not us! After many years of hinting that I should, Allan made me go on the back of his motorbike. I was shaking, why did I need to go? To please him, (we are still like that) I got ready with great trepidation. Imagine the sight, big heavy boots, an enormous biker’s jacket that came to my knees, the sleeves were way past my hands even so I still had gloves. Next came the helmet, I don’t wear hats! I was ready or at least as ready as I would ever be. Allan was waiting at the top of the drive astride the bike its engine throbbing in torment of me. My first task to get on it, I’m little and his bike is huge, the pillion seat came up nearly to my chest. Not only that he also has a top box and side bags, more challenges for a less than agile person. I got up on the foot support and then attempted to raise my leg, in tight jeans, to a ninety degree angle.  Once achieved all I had to do was swing it over, whilst lowering myself on to the seat and other foot support. The reality was even worse than the description of it, my foot was at a weird angle and I was sliding all over the place. As the bike accelerated off the drive, it was too late to do anything about it. I grabbed around Allan’s waist, later I was told that I shouldn’t do that as I was adding extra weight on him as he drove. Not sure if that was an insult or not, I was too wound up to care. At first the drive was quite smooth but that was not going to last, suddenly there were gear changes and lots of weaving in and out, we passed cars! The relief of arriving at out destination was short lived, I had to get off and that filled me with dread. Once I had done that, it should have been a time for me to calm down, why didn’t it happen? I couldn’t undo the helmet straps; it made me feel so pathetic.  Allan stepped in; obviously he would have no problems, except he did. Now I started to panic, would I have to wear this helmet for ever? My hair was a bit long and my fringe totally obscured what little sight I have left. Then Allan gave me some hope, he would cut the straps, getting me out of the helmet but I would not be able to get back on the bike. How could I contain my soaring hopes? One more go, he opened it, so luckily I would be able to get back on the bike. We bought a satnav and all too soon, it was time to get on the bike.

          Could the bike have grown? It seemed to me that it had with plenty of struggle, I managed it. One foot was carefully placed but once again, the other was at a weird angle, incredibly uncomfortable. A sensible person would have said something and got more comfortable. I was too panicked to think sensibly, we were off. Now I was an experienced pillion passenger, Allan decided I could take a longer, faster ride. Fortunately he kept both wheels on the road but the bike leant over as he weaved in and out of the traffic. How did I cope? By gripping his hips with my knees and holding on for dear life, I don’t get why anyone does this for fun. Still I might do it again, did I really write that?

          We spent most of the summer on the Isle of Wight, what had they done to deserve us so often? It all started when Katherine wanted a dry run driving on and off the ferry. Why? As a Guider she was off to Brownie Camp there and she was asked to take her car.  We did a day trip and did the whole island but at least she had experienced going on the top and bottom decks, she was now confident. So much so that when a friend said she had never been to the Isle of Wight she took her there for her birthday. Talking of Katherine, she has graduated; the actual day was an event. We arrived very early, so the plan was to walk to Gun Wharf Quays for lunch. Not expecting to walk both Katherine and I were wearing heels, looked good with our outfits, not great for walking. Sense prevailed for Katherine and we bought her some trainers, pride prevented me. Consequently, she did not have blisters while my feet had a little skin between the blisters. Not surprisingly, they went straight into the recycling bin – I hope the ex-owner does not get the same treatment. Now she is a Bachelor of Science it should be easy to get a job, no way.

          Not a very confident person at the best of times, the lack of job interviews did little to help her. I do not know how many applications she filled out but it must have been in the hundreds, the most profound statement she received in response was the need for experience. Everyone wants experience, but no one will employ you to get any. Eventually she applied for Sainsbury’s, within ten hours, she had an interview and within two days she was employed. Knowing someone else that had gone through the process, it had taken him four weeks from start to employment. It made her feel so much more positive, we are of course looking forward to the discount!

          Having bought a Sat Nav, we started to use it. One brilliant thing was the speed camera warning, it pinged as you approached and then kept pinging when you were over the speed limit, now they row with the machine instead of me. If you can argue with a machine, the machine is female, why do they do that?  There should be no way that her electronic voice can get annoyed, but sometimes she seems to. Especially when you “disobey” her instructions, each repeated statement seems to be more insistent. The true beauty of it is instead of going into service stations for lunch we can turn off the motorway and find somewhere then, she takes us back to the motorway. Reading this back I wonder if perhaps we should give her name.

During the summer, I had a little problem with my pump. It delivers insulin through a needle in my stomach. One evening my pump went into alarm because the batteries were running low. To add to the situation I was on my own. I needed to change them, I could do that. How foolish I was. It started well; I unscrewed the battery holder and removed the batteries. Problem was the plastic holder broke, there were bits of plastic and a piece of metal spread over the table, it all needed to go back together to fit back in the pump. Imagine the scene, glasses on, one hand holding a magnifying glass, the other holding plastic and metal while I tried to see and feel how to put it together. It was impossible and as the time passed and I became more assured of my inabilities, tears started to stream down my face. This did not help as they just provided another barrier to seeing. Eventually, Allan returned and sorted it in seconds. This was the start of a very long and quite painful saga. We contacted the suppliers about a new battery holder, shock horror my pump is no longer made. However they would be able to supply a new battery holder, although it would not match the rest of the pump, I could not have cared less. This started a conversation about who provided the pump, there was shock when they found out we had bought it ourselves over twenty years before. Nowadays pumps are provided by the N.H.S., so mine should be too; obviously, there would be strings (that should have rung bells in my head). They were insistent that I should have the same. I was unaware of the hell that I was about to release.

The PCT agreed and I was called to an appointment to receive the new pump. Not good with new things, I was terrified- I was used to my old one. First problem, the screen was so small that I needed glasses, a magnifying glass and good light. That is quite a juggling feat to hold a magnifying glass, the pump and still have a spare hand to programme the pump. With an intense training programme, of my own design, I have almost mastered it. Mind you, it doesn’t always work, then the pump is taken out of my hands and someone else programs it. If I am lucky the needle is not wrenched out of my stomach, they are so keen to help! The pump was one problem but worse was the panic that rose in me as I hear statements like “Now we have you in our fold”. Well meant but terrifying for a long-standing maverick like me. It was made even worse, yes it could be when I was told the pump could be taken away if I didn’t behave, how do I change my behaviour at this late stage?  The Diabetic nurse showed us how to get rid of air bubbles, very much teaching Granny to suck eggs. Allan wasn’t impressed. This led to many adventures as I tried to get to grips with the new technology with the added complication of trying to behave – well. In the beginning, simple things, not realising to press one button, I didn’t get any insulin. I sorted that out, only to find every action resulted in three beeps. To give you some idea, if I put in five units, a normal dose, there would be a hundred and fifty beeps. Fortunately, my techno experts managed to get rid of those. A very depressing time for me and everyone around me. Now some five months on I have had some “very interesting” incidents, some very scary. Needless to say not for me but definitely for everyone around me. In hindsight, it does not seem so bad but it was very depressing at the time and often it did not seem worth the hassle but bloody mindedness made me want to succeed and now I think I have but I am still waiting for the “professionals” to have their say.

In October we went to the Isle of Wight, it seems that that place runs constantly through this missive. As we travelled down the motorway, I became aware that I had not packed my insulin! How on earth, had I managed that? Too far into the journey to turn back and still catch the ferry but I needed the insulin. Could this be too difficult for me to solve? Then inspiration struck, phone Katherine. This would mean using a mobile phone for the second time in the same year, I wonder if it would take the shock! The plan was to rely on the Post Office, she would post it off and I hoped it would get to me before my insulin ran out. The first twenty four hours of the holiday were fascinating as we planned routes to the hospital, what to say. At least we had something to talk about. The insulin arrived in plenty of time. It is doubtful if I will ever forget it again.

 Whilst away we decided to travel everywhere by bus, what a decision but great fun, even if a trifle frustrating at the time. Getting on the first bus, we made for the top deck and managed to secure the front seat. What a journey, brilliant views over the hedgerows and spine tingling as it travelled up and down the hills. Allan got to see the view and did not have to worry about drinking and driving you normally spill so much! Using the bus meant it took longer to get places and our daily destination was decided by the first bus that turned up. We finished each evening dancing the light fantastic, it sounds idyllic, it was except for the bruised toes, I won’t embarrass anyone by saying whose. Each day we aimed to conquer a new route and travelled different roads the best experience was to come down a steep hill while sitting on the top deck. Even more so when, a power cable smashed against the window!

One evening we had an interesting experience this is based, on what I have been told. My recall is of a somewhat surreal adventure with lots of huge sixties prints. I was sure that I had been dreaming, beneath my feet a rubber floor, on which every step made a deep chasm that needed a leap to get out of it. This carpet had large regular shapes symbolising flowers, all very reminiscent of Spencer Tracey in “Father of the Bride”. Through out there was a recurring refrain of “Where are we?” It was all very surreal and was this, what I had been missing in the sixties? If so, I think I’m glad. Eventually it was all over and I came to my senses, difficult to pinpoint in my case, Allan explained. We had returned to our room after swimming having plenty of time to get ready for dinner, checking my blood sugar, see how spooked I am by the “Professionals” I found I needed to eat something, which I did, that is the last I remember. Next thing he knows I am not responding to him, I leave you to your own imaginations. Something was up, time to force feed minstrels. Not that easy when I lock my jaw shut in these situations. Hoping I would come out of it, I normally do, he dressed me. He was too much of a gentleman or too tired to tell me the details, but I guarantee I was of no help. He even put on m y high heels! Somehow he got me down the stairs and along the corridor (next day I noticed the carpet had little regular flower patterns on it, that is where the huge prints had come from). How he managed it I will never know, nor will he and he was there! I’m surprised I managed in my heels; I often don’t do so well when I am compos mentis. Suddenly he thought, the wine is back in the room, what to do with me? Too out of it to take with him he would be much quicker on his own, so he leant me against a wall and told me to stay there. The shocking thing is that I did, the first time that has ever happened. In the restaurant, I kept saying I was not in a hypo and did not need food. He had to take me away, we did not eat that night but eventually I came out of it. Thank goodness we would be changing hotels the next day.

          At this stage I needed to make up for all the trouble I had caused, I did not realise how soon I would be able to do that. We travelled to the other side of the Island. Instead of a hotel everywhere was chalets, we could cope. Too early to go to the chalet we parked up and went for another adventure on the bus. Returning later, we drove up to find our chalet. Things did not look good as Allan noticed the walkways had no lights, moving me around at night would be worse than the previous evening. Our chalet was the last in the row and the only one with stairs leading up to it, another exciting challenge in the dark. As we opened the door, the sweet smell of bleach almost propelled you across the way to the other chalet. This was not going to work maybe this was time to use the blind card. Making for the reception we weaved through what seemed like hundreds of mobility scooters, then, the huge bank of cigarette smoke; we were greeted by another patron dressed in a pink shell suit with a towelling turban. Suddenly we were struck by the uniform of shell suits, we wouldn’t fit in we didn’t have one. Explaining the situation about the lighting and the fact it would be virtually impossible to leave the chalet after five o’clock they were brilliant and arranged for us to return to the other hotel. While they looked after me, getting me a drink, Allan retrieved the bags. As we drove away he told me that the occupants of the next chalet were outside on white picnic chairs smoking, their bare arms covered with tattoos, maybe not the right place for a couple of snobs like us. We also used my blindness to get the chairlift slowed down, as much for Allan’s benefit as mine. As a youngster I used to walk up and down the steps at Alum Bay, it was the only way if you wanted to see the coloured sands and very early on the only way to collect the sand. I think I made up for my hypo a bit. It also helped that in the new hotel we saw Jethro; very funny.

          What else, I know it must be nearing Easter but I promise to finish soon. Surprisingly, as we head or should I say are in a recession we have bought a new car. That sounds very expensive but in fact, second hand and quite a necessary move. Our car is having a few problems, at certain speeds it judders and besides that the road tax is due at the end of the month. The negotiations were fun, for me. Lots of disappearing to the manager’s office to check if anything could be done. At one point Allan overheard him say “That would be okay for Mr. Turner but not for Mrs. Turner”. Allan would fold a lot sooner than me. Eventually a deal was struck and we pick it up on Monday, now we hope our measurements are correct and it fits in the garage!

All that leaves me to do is write a personal bit, if I still remember how to use a pen.