RED TRIANGLE

In times gone by some broadcasters used a red triangle or other warning device in the corner of the screen to tell viewers that the next programme might be offensive. It proved a good way to boost viewing figures. So here are some suggestions for the BBC's own scheme, using initialisms.

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BBC3/BBC4 - The station number is also our audience. On a good day.

BN - Programme virulently against a BBC Bete Noir (e.g. England, the Conservative Party, Israel, the USA).

DBA - Dumb Blonde Alert (male or female).

DDD - Drastic Dumbing Down. Even amoeba will understand this programme. Possibly even BBC producers. Possibly.

DOG – Digital On-screen Graphic. Reminder to the audience which channel they're watching. Unfortunately not large enough to cover up the programme.

GREEN - Recycled programme. Old programme with an extra 1 minute of new stuff so it can be put out again but not count as a repeat.

GREENER - Regurgitated programme, excerpt of longer programme put out as new.

GREENIED- Same programme put out yet again, but not a repeat because the audience is different.

GREENIEST- As Greenied, but not a repeat because it was first shown on another channel.

GREENISH - Repeat inserted into new programme.

GREENY- 'Revised' repeat, old programme broadcast as new because it's got a few seconds missing.

OAP - Classic repeat (10+ years old).

OLBM - Offensive Loud 'Background' Muzak.

ORLA - Orla Guerin, or some other presenter who wouldn't know fairness if it bit them somewhere painful. We wish!

RFV - Standard BBC evening drama (Reach For the Valium).

SEUCK - Sucking up to the EU programme (all newscasts).

T50+ - Trailer broadcast over 50 times, in attempt to really annoy the public.

TBSTO - Trailer Broadcast to Stop you Turning Over. Run on-screen before the end of the previous programme.

TEA - Trailer Excess Alert. More than five trailers before the next programme - time to make a cuppa.

TMNI - Trailer Masquerading as a News Item (especially on the so-called Breakfast News).

TOT - Talking Over Themetune - a later programme is so crap, they have to advertize it before you can hit the remote.

VOAP - Classic Gem repeat (30+ years old).

YAWN - Another DIY programme.

YUK - Another DIY programme, but with Linda Barker.

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