MERCIA

The English talk frequently of the (poor) North/(rich) South divide. However, that divide is blurred by the midlands, which can be split into north, south, east and west, plus the Welsh March and Royal Counties. The names 'Mercia' (the ancient Anglo-Saxon kingdom of this area) and 'march' both come from an old word meaning borders, appropriate for an area which has a surprising number of them on such a small island.

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West Midlands (Birmingham/Coventry/The Black Country)

Birmingham is England's second city, joined by virtually continuous housing to the towns of the Black Country in the west and separated only by a small ribbon of green land from the city of Coventry in the east. Coventry's accent is fairly mellow, but that of both Birmingham and the Black Country can be hard to understand to an outsider - by which I mean anyone who lives more than 15 miles away! If you value your front teeth, NEVER confuse the two. The Black Country (the name comes from the former heavy industrialization of the area) is kind of hard to define; it centres on the towns of Stourbridge, Halesowen and Dudley (but not Wolverhampton, which claims to be part of it). Birmingham in particular is home to a large Asian sub-culture, so be aware when eating out. Loosely translated, 'tandoori' means 'my stomach is about to implode', and 'balti' means 'I enjoy having my face down in a toilet bowl'.

East Midlands (Leicestershire/Rutland)

Head out of Coventry on the main road east and you are immediately in the East Midlands, a strange contrast of Asian-dominated cities like Leicester and small country villages which couldn't be more English if they tried. Rutland (from Old English rote, i.e. land of the happy people) was forcibly amalgamated with Leicestershire in 1974; the government then resisted for a quarter of a century before restoring their independence. (The sneaky Rutlanders kept going round in the night and taking down the new border signs!). Apart from Leicester (which is a dump), the area is very beautiful.

South Midlands (Oxfordshire/Warwickshire/Gloucestershire/Worcestershire)

The tourist centres of Oxford (dreaming spires) and Stratford-upon-Avon (dreaming Bard) mean this is one of the few areas outside London where you are likely to encounter your fellow American tourist. Much of this area falls within London's commuterland, but as elsewhere stepping off onto the minor roads can bring outstanding results if you're looking for the real England (whatever that is). This is one of the friendliest areas of England.

North Midlands (Staffordshire/Derbyshire/Nottinghamshire)

A sort of part-industrial, part-rural area, which stretches from Birmingham's outer limits to the fringes of Yorkshire. This area is almost totally ignored by visiting Americans, yet it houses some real gems, such as the Peak District National Park and Chatsworth House. To most people however (including most of the English) it is merely a tiresome traffic jam stuck on the M6, M1 or A1.

Welsh March (Monmouthshire/Herefordshire/Shropshire/Cheshire)

In the eighth century, King Offa of Mercia tired of frequent battles with the numerous and divided Welsh kingdoms, and built a huge Dyke (ditch) to mark the border. The Welsh continued to raid across it over the next few centuries, and today's border is much more straggly, although overall in the same place. In 1974 the government 'transferred' Monmouthshire to Wales; the popularity of this move was such that when in 1998 Wales as a whole voted narrowly for its own assembly, Monmouth (part of the old county) voted 49-1 against, and there is a small but vociferous English repatriation movement. This area is rough geographically, but has some stunning countryside,and is well worth a visit.

Royal Counties (Bedfordshire/Hertfordshire/Buckinghamshire/Northamptonshire)

The term 'Royal Counties' is rarely used these days, but it describes a loose collection of counties which sit between London and what passes for 'the midlands proper'. Commuterland again, this is a very English and very private area. The American tourist is all but unknown, but the people are very friendly. Small towns, big houses, Olde England for those who can be bothered to look for it.