SCOTLAND

To understand Scotland, let's talk about prehistory (they have very long memories up there). Before even the dinosaurs walked the Earth, the island of Britain was in two very separate parts, a larger flatter bit and a smaller very hilly bit. Eventually the two collided, which is why the northern bit of Scotland is so geographically and culturally different from the rest. Here's the detail.

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The Scottish monarchy is almost as old as the English one; indeed it became the latter upon the Union of the Crowns in 1603. But even then, after a millennium of existence, Scotland was rarely very united, except against their Auld Enemy to the south (this is why their rulers were Kings of Scots rather than of Scotland). The Scotti were originally a tribe living in Dalriada, the northern part of what is now Northern Ireland; they crossed the Irish Sea and set up a new Kingdom of Dalriada, whose monarchy later became that of the whole country. 'King of Scots' accurately reflected the overlordship rather than direct control exercised by most rulers of the time. Today Scotland has its own parliament, albeit one subservient in most areas to Westminster. Roughly speaking the Scots can be divided into the following areas:

The South-East (Stirling via Edinburgh to the Border) is the most English part of Scotland. This is because most of it was settled by the Angles who gave their name to England. The area later became part of the English kingdom of Northumbria, but Scots rulers taking advantage of the English problems with Vikings forced the border south and incorporated the area into their kingdom. It is a sparsely-populated but friendly area. Please note that the capital is pronounced 'Eddinbru', not 'Ee-din-burrow' as some Americans call it. Like most cities, driving into it is difficult, particularly around the centre.

The South-West was rather more briefly part of Northumbria, and is largely composed of Ayrshire (partly industrial) and the Galloway region (stunningly beautiful). Few people and fewer tourists come here, which is surprising as the people are very welcoming. For centuries Galloway maintained a large degree of autonomy from the Scottish Crown, and the people are still independently-minded. If you enjoy quiet beauty, this is the area for you.

Glasgow is the largest city in Scotland. You should fill your tank here with (relatively) cheap petrol (gas) before prices start rising on the roads north. It is also home to two major Gaelic communities, ex-Irish and ex-Isles. The former means that in some areas the city is more sectarian than parts of Northern Ireland, whilst the latter means this is a centre for the Gaelic language (more of which anon). Good shopping, but not my favourite city.

Between the Fife-Clyde line (the old Roman border called the Antonine Wall) and the border of the Highlands (roughly north of Glasgow to south of Aberdeen) lies a triangle of land encompassing the ancient kingdom of Fife and the Angus coast. Sometimes called the Scottish Midlands, this area contains much of the country's history, yet is normally by-passed by people heading to the Highlands. The main reason people do stop here is, of course, St. Andrew's, which is worth a visit despite being a tourist trap.

The Highlands is the most sparsely-populated area of the U.K., and home to some of its most stunning scenery. This is Clan Country, the area where the colour of the kilt denoted which family you belonged to. Of course they'll gladly sell you a kilt. Remember many roads are single-track with passing places; allow much more time for journeys. Caithness and Sutherland, the two most northerly counties, were along with the Western Isles originally part of the Kingdom of the Isles (Norwegian), and are still a race apart. The people here as in the rest of Scotland welcome all Americans. And their wallets. Particularly their wallets.

The Western Isles covers all the island communities from the Outer Hebrides right around the west coast to Arran. Degrees of civilization vary; the cost of petrol doesn't, as it's always high. Many signposts are in both English and Gaelic, which is confusing at the best of times. My favourites from experience are Ulva, Iona, Jura, Tiree and Barra. If you want a holiday here, consider buying a ferry rover ticket for two weeks, and hopping between the islands.

The Northern Isles are in two groups, Orkneys near the mainland and Shetlands nearer to Norway than Scotland, and originally part of the former. Petrol costs are again high; this is the one area I haven't yet visited, but those I know that have say they enjoy the peace and quiet.

Finally, a word about Scots history. The Scots are very proud of their history, and frequently use it to bash the English. The following table shows what they will tell you about their noble past - and what they won't!

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