IRELAND

Ireland. Hmm.

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History

The fact that the English were initially invited into Ireland is not something the Irish like to be reminded of. Oh dear, I've just told you. Pity. Originally Ireland was occasionally united by one strong king now or then, but mainly divided into the four or five ancient kingdoms of Ulster, Munster, Leinster, Meath (often part of Leinster) and Connaught. In 1168 the eternal internal factional fighting amongst the barons of southern Ireland led one to ask for help from his English neighbours in south Wales. A combination of some untimely deaths meant the English barons found themselves Anglo-Irish barons. This not unnaturally upset the English Henry II, who then got in severe trouble for the murder of Thomas a Becket, which he had called for in a fit of temper and had been carried out by his knights. To stop the Pope backing any foreign invasions of his lands , Henry promised to conquer Ireland for him. Over the following centuries English control was centred around the area immediately around Dublin. This was called the Pale, hence the phrase 'to go beyond the Pale', meaning to exceed the normal limits of taste.

The failure of medieval monarchs to maintain any full-time English Navy meant control of Ireland was rarely strong. Things changed with the Reformation, which necessitated such a force, and which also meant that Catholic powers might attack England through the 'back-door' of Ireland. English monarchs tried to counter this by Plantations, bulk settling of Protestants in certain areas. The largest and most significant of these was the early seventeenth century Ulster Plantation, mainly by Scots Protestants (a reverse of the process a millennium earlier when the Scots from Ireland had gone the other way to found - Scotland). Extremist Irish republicans still call Ulster Protestants or Loyalists 'Scotti', denying their Irishness as they've only been in the island for four centuries; the Loyalists are proud of this, which is why you will often see the Scots flag in Loyalist areas (remember Scotland is only 12 miles from the Irish coast).

Religion now added to the mix. Henry VIII's break with Rome in the 1530s led eventually to England becoming a predominantly Protestant country, whilst Ireland remained almost completely Catholic. This led the Irish to an act that rebounded on them rather badly. In 1640-1 the Catholics mounted a widespread massacre of Protestants, killing thousands of them. This led to an already divided England toppling into civil war, with the result that in 1649 King Charles I lost his head. The new ruler was the army leader Oliver Cromwell, who came over to Ireland and soon restored English rule. He attacked the towns of Drogheda and Wexford, massacring the soldiers in the castles there but sparing the townsfolk. Irish history, as is its wont, soon rewrote this into a wholesale massacre. Cromwell died in 1658 and two years later Charles' son reigned as Charles II - but Ireland's problems were far from over.

Charles II died in 1685, and was succeeded by his Catholic brother James II. In three years he managed to upset just about everyone, and in 1688 the English replaced him by his daughter Mary II and son-in-law William III (William of Orange), rulers of the Netherlands. Loyalist Protestants today still have a group called The Orange Order. Catholic Ireland largely supported James, but the Protestants in the north were saved by the intervention of William, who defeated and forced out his father-in-law. But there was to be no peace in Ireland; Catholics continued their attacks on Protestants, and the latter responded by introducing new and ever harsher laws against their rivals.

In 1800 renewed fear of foreign invasions led to the forcible Union of Ireland with Great Britain into the United Kingdom. In the 1840's came the terrible potato famine, which led many Irishmen to emigrate to America. Irish (and, shamefully, some American) historians like to say this was deliberate starvation by the then-British government, but it was more probably just plain old incompetence. (The same historians are also strangely reluctant to say which country the famine came from. Hint: America). However, the Irish continued to agitate for independence, and in WW1 a German invasion of Ireland looked quite likely. But when independence was mooted, the Protestants in Ulster rioted in their turn, so the government went for partition. Six of the nine counties of Ulster were hived off as Northern Ireland, whilst the remaining 26 counties became Southern Ireland, later Eire (the Irish Republic). The flag of the latter shows equal bands of orange (for the Protestants) and green (for the Catholics); since independence the Protestant population has collapsed.

Irish Republican terror groups received support from Nazi Germany during World War Two, and Eire was the only country apart from Japan to send commiserations to Germany on Hitler's suicide (the rest of the world was rather pleased, for some reason). Since the seventies these terrorists, funded by pro-Irish groups in America and (barely-)covertly supported by Dublin, started murdering innocent people both in Ireland and Great Britain. Loyalists responded with their own terror groups, murdering Catholics. Currently the Province (N.I.) is at ceasefire, but it's an uneasy one. Many people both there and in Great Britain were outraged by 9/11, but felt, perhaps justifiably, that a country which had supported terrorists had now paid the price. As the old saying goes, he who sups with the Devil had better possess a long spoon.

Tourism (Eire)

Irish roads should present little problem to the US tourist. Most of the road signs are of the American yellow/orange design, with only a few of the British type. Watch out though for the red circle variety; unlike in the UK these mean do unless there is a line though the picture (in which case, amazingly, they mean don't!). The round signs are much smaller than in the UK, and the one-way and no-entry ones are easily missed. Traffic lights are also slightly different, with a flashing amber arrow serving the same meaning as the red turn light in the States (though of course here it's turn left if you can). Dublin is a traffic nightmare and the motorway around it (tolled) little better.

I'm not sure why, but I noticed that about 5% of the signs seem to be missing. You follow the road to Wicklow, and it suddenly vanishes, leaving you unsure as to which way to go. Irish roads also have something I've seen nowhere else; a wide hard-shoulder serving almost as a second lane on several major roads. The idea seems to be that slower vehicles pull over and allow faster ones through. It's a good idea - but it doesn't always work. Slow cars only pull over 50% of the time, tractors, lorries and vans 20%, and as for coaches and road maintenance vehicles - forget it!

Republic speed limits are in kph, which seems to put people off speeding. Perhaps there's some sort of psychological limit to going over 120 (the motorway limit), even though it's only 75 mph. Many roads have a 100 limit (62 mph), which is strange as sometimes the road is excellent and other times it's dreadful. You may also find as I did that you build up to 100 on the good roads only to have to brake sharply down to 50 (31 mph) on entering a village, by-passes around which are rare. Towns are dire; the parking is totally inadequate and expensive, and a jam is virtually guaranteed. The only exceptions are the towns of Kildare and Bantry (the latter is particularly attractive), plus Monaghan which has a large Tesco's car park. Note that parking restrictions do not operate on a Sunday where, contrary to what you might expect, quite a few places stay open. Irish people often double park, and don't be surprised if the car you are crawling along behind suddenly stops in the middle of the road - chances are he's picking up the wife and kids.

Road signs are in Gaelic and English, and here the Irish have done rather well. English names are always in CAPITALS, and Gaelic ones in italics. Virtually everyone speaks English and, although it won't be a problem for you, I got poor service several times because I was English. Accommodation is plentiful, but avoid pubs and motels - both offer poor value for money. The border between the Republic and the North is not marked, although the signs change from kph to mph when you cross. Fill up with petrol well before you get near it; it's about 15% cheaper in the Republic.

Tourism (Northern Ireland)

Apart from avoiding outfits in pure orange or pure green, the Province is much easier on the US tourist. Parking is plentiful (except in Londonderry and Ballymena), and unlike their Southern brethren the Ulstermen know how to provide public toilets. Road signs and rules are as the UK. Belfast, like Dublin, is best avoided in the rush hour. As a general rule the western half of the Province is more Catholic and the eastern half more Protestant; the flying of flags is not always a good indicator of the area, just of the local village/town. A word of warning; although the Giant's Causeway is a tourist attraction worth visiting, don't drive into the car park there; park on the roads outside. Anyone passing the Causeway Hotel turn will find there's no avoiding the steep car park charge levied by the National Trust, for which you get a visitor centre that is a disgrace. Overall and perhaps to my surprise, I liked Northern Ireland.