PARLEZ-VOUZ

ANGLAIS?

English, in one form or another, is spoken by about one billion people around the world. It'll soon become the world's language; the Internet will see to that. But for the American in London, Edinburgh (don't say Eddin-burrow!), Cardiff or Belfast, there's a more immediate problem - understanding the natives. This page sets out those words which, in my opinion, could cause confusion. Apologies if some seem obvious; I've erred on the conservative side. In most cases Britons will understand Americanisms, but not all.

--------------------------------- ---------------------------------

ACCOUNT/BILL/NOTE: An account (Br.) is a charge account (U.S.). A bill (Br.) is what you get after buying goods or services; paper money in the U.K. is called notes rather than bills.

ARTICULATED LORRY/TRUCK/WAGON: An articulated is a large road vehicle (U.S. truck). The British word truck is usually restricted to the railway variety; the British equate wagon with horse-drawn cart.

BAKEWELL TART: Pie consisting of layers of fondant, pastry and icing, named after Bakewell in Derbyshire. Don't try counting the calories; you don't have that long to live.

BATH BUN: Sticky square bun coated with sugar, more calories than a Bakewell Tart. The first such buns were served at Sally Lunn's cafe in the city of Bath ('Sally Lunn' is also rhyming slang for bun). It is made by winding a strip of pastry round and round, and some people like to eat it by unwinding it.

BATHROOM/LAVATORY/LOO/RESTROOM/TOILET: In the U.K. a bathroom is a room in a private house, usually with a bath. Both it and restroom are normally recognized, but it is better to ask for the toilet, a safe middle class word. Lavatory is a bit posh, loo is a bit common, and Public Conveniences or WC (Water Closet) are used on signposts.

BILLION, ETC.: Tricky. The American definition of this family of words has billion as 9 zeros, trillion as 12, quadrillion as 15 and so on. The British version is billion as 12, trillion as 18, quadrillion as 24 and so on. The American version is catching on over here, but the British version is used in the rest of Europe, as they dislike you slightly more than us.

BISCUIT/COOKIE: The British have a bewildering range of biscuits, of which only the small, round one, usually with chocolate and/or nuts in, is referred to as a cookie.

BLACK PUDDING: (N. England) Meat dish containing sausage meat and blood. Yes, it is that disgusting.

(CAR) BOOT SALE: Sort of collective yard sale, some stuff at which is still sold out of car boots (trunks).

BST (BRITISH SUMMER TIME): Equivalent to Daylight Savings Time.

BUN: Sort of cross between a biscuit and cake.

CANDY FLOSS: Cotton candy.

CHEDDAR (CHEESE): Most common cheese type, named for the lovely little town of Cheddar in Somerset. More varieties than Heinz.

CHIPS/FRIES: Generally the term fries is restricted to the straggly objects that McDonald's passes off as 'food'. The fried potato has to be a bit larger to qualify as a chip. A chippy is usually a fish and chip shop.

CIDER/SCRUMPY: Cider is made from fermented alcohol, and is always alcoholic. Scrumpy (found mainly in the West Country) is a version can be used to clean the hulls of ocean liners. If you've ever wondered what losing all bodily feeling whilst your head flies around the room is like...

CLOTTED CREAM: Ultra-thick cream, also usually found in the West Country. Useful as presents for people whose lifespans you want to shorten.

CORNED BEEF: Salt beef.

(SENT TO) COVENTRY: Ignored by everyone. Coventry is a midlands town which was held by Parliament during the English Civil Wars (1642-51); Royalist prisoners sent there were shunned by the locals.

CRISPS: Potato chips.

CRUET/CONDIMENTS: Table stuff, usually salt, pepper and mustard pots.

DUAL CARRIAGEWAY: Divided two-lane freeway.

DUVET: Large padded quilt, replacing blankets on a bed. Pronounced 'doovay'.

DUTCH COURAGE: Courage inspired by alcohol. The name comes from when the British kingdoms and the Netherlands shared a ruler (William III, 1689-1702).

ESTATE: Traditionally the lands around a big house. Now more commonly a run-down inner-city area (U.S., projects).

ECCLES CAKES: Sticky round pastry containing raisins. Delicious. Named for Eccles in Lancashire.

FAGGOT: Ball of chopped meal and oatmeal (N. England) eaten fried. Also a derogatory term for homosexual, now almost taboo.

FREE HOUSE/TIED HOUSE: A tied house only sells the beers of one brewery. Free houses can sell anything. Of course only free houses advertise which type they are.

FRIED MARS BAR: Available only in Scotland, because the English aren't that dumb.

GALLON/LITRE/PINT: The British gallon is about 20% more than the American one, and thus the British pint is about 3% larger. British petrol is priced in pence per litre. To change this into cents per U.S. gallon, times by about five and a half. Thus £1 per litre becomes about $5.50 per U.S. gallon, most of which is government taxes.

GARDEN/YARD: In Great Britain, a garden is any area outside the house but within the boundary fences. Yard is never used.

GATEAU: (pl. gateaux, gateaus): Cake with pretensions and a hiked-up price. Naturally it's a French term.

GEN: Information (short form of intelliGENce).

GREASY SPOON: (slang) Very dubious cafe.

GUY FAWKES' NIGHT: November 5th celebration of failed attempt, traditionally assumed Catholic, by plotters including one Guido Fawkes to blow up King James I and parliament in 1605. Marked by burning of mock guy or other unpopular contemporary figure and setting off of fireworks, the most common occasion this is done in Great Britain.

HAGGIS: Sheep's entrails, oats and assorted other unmentionables presented as meat dish. Naturally only eaten by Scots, who will tell gullible tourists it's a tartan-coloured creature with two legs shorter than the others, and charge them to go hunting it. Yes, some Americans have!

HAKE: Edible fish, similar to cod.

HOBSON'S CHOICE: Choice that's really no choice at all. From Thomas Hobson, a Cambridge horse-hirer who offered students at the local university either the worst horse in the stables or the one nearest the door (which was the worst horse in the stables).

(LANCASHIRE) HOT-POT: Mutton and vegetable stew (N. England.), surprisingly tasty.

HUNDREDWEIGHT: 112 pounds. Don't ask.

JACKET POTATO: Baked potato in its skin, usually offered with a range of fillings.

JELLY: Jello.

KEDGEREE: Rice and shredded fish dish.

KENDAL MINT CAKE: Confectionery (Kendal is a town in Westmorland, in the Lake District). Looks like a black bar of chocolate. Exceptionally strong taste, cures hangovers and can also be used to beat off muggers and build dry stone walls.

LEMONADE: The type available in the U.S. is normally labelled traditional in Great Britain. Regular lemonade over here is a clear fizzy drink tasting only vaguely of lemons.

LEVEL CROSSING: Railroad crossing.

LOCAL/PUB/INN/TAVERN: Many are hideously updated; the countryside offers a better chance of avoiding these. Pub is short for public house, inn suggests old age or pretensions to same, and tavern suggests just pretensions.

LOLLIPOP (WO)MAN: School crossing patrol person, so-called because of the stick with circular warning sign they carry. Dressed in white.

L-PLATE/P-PLATE: Plates carried on the back of cars, by law. 'L' (learner) denotes driver still learning, 'P' (provisional) is much rarer, and denotes driver only recently passed test.

MAC(INTOSH): Raincoat, named after the Scottish inventor.

MASH: Mashed potato.

MEWS: Alley with pretensions.

MILK FLOAT (rare): Dairy delivery truck, crawls along roads at 10 m.p.h. in rush hour.

MET(ROPOLITAN POLICE): London's police force, supposedly there to protect the public. So they claim.

MINCE(D MEAT): Hamburger meat. MINCE PIES at Christmas used to be made with this until the Victorians changed to a sweeter recipe but, strangely, kept the old name.

MINI-CAB/TAXI: A mini-cab is not actually licensed to cruise for fares. Otherwise the two are the same. British taxis are more expensive than American ones.

MOOR: Flat, rough and generally nasty open country.

MUSHY PEAS: (N. England, thankfully) Think normal peas put in a blender for ten seconds. Looks like something just thrown up. Served at fish and chip shops.

NEARSIDE/OFFSIDE: Because the British drive on the left, nearside is left and offside is right.

NEAT: (drinking) Straight.

NEW TOWN: Town built up from small base to large borough under central government 'planning', usually for London overspill or the post-WW2 housing shortage. Tolerable but bland.

ONE OVER THE EIGHT/THREE SHEETS TO THE WIND/BRAHMS AND LIZST/BLOTTO: Drunk. Very.

PANCAKE: Crepe. The nearest the British have to the American pancake is a smaller version containing dried fruit, called the Scotch Pancake.

PANTS/UNDERPANTS/TROUSERS: In English, (under)pants (male) or knickers/lingerie (female) mean underwear, whilst trousers corresponds to the U.S. pants.

(CORNISH) PASTY: (rhymes with nasty, but isn't) Small meat pie.

PETROL: Gas(oline). The difference should become more important over the coming years as natural gas-powered cars come onto the market. DERV (Diesel-Engined Road Vehicle) means diesel-powered gas. Old (leaded) petrol, FOUR-STAR, has been replaced by LRP (Lead-Replacement Petrol).

PIC N' MIX: Selection of old-time 'penny sweets'. These can be any price in individual sweet shops (rare), but are always massively overpriced in supermarkets.

PLATFORM (trains): Track in a train station. In English, track refers only to the rail line.

PLOUGHMAN'S LUNCH: Snack lunch consisting usually of bread, cheese and assorted salad.

POPCORN: The same as in the US, except here it's called Salted. There is a sweet variety as well.

PUDDING: Normally dessert, although a few exceptions such as steak-and-kidney, Yorkshire and black puddings can be main courses.

RING ROAD: Beltway.

ROUNDABOUT: Normally a rotary, but can be a fairground carousel.

SALOON: Sedan car.

SASSENACH: Scots term for the English, a corruption of Saxon. Derogatory.

SCONE: Light, plain small cake containing raisins. Pronounced to rhyme with either hone or con.

SEMI(-DETACHED): Duplex. Because of lack of space, houses in Great Britain tend to be more grouped together. Many are built in pairs, hence the term semi-detached, semi for short.

SERVICE CHARGE: Restaurant scam for overcharging you, usually listed in print one nanometre high on page 457 of the menu. In ALL restaurants tip only according to service, as they are often much mire expensive than their US equivalents.

SHANDY: Mixed drink, roughly half alcohol and half lemonade.

SHEPHERD'S PIE: Meat pie with upper potato layer.

SHIRE: County. In spite of the government's frequent fiddling with borders, some county rivalries (which have been going on for up to 1000 years) make the U.S. Civil War look like a mild disagreement over tea.

SHORT (drinks): Refers to spirits rather than beer in the U.K.

STATE: The government, so-called because it's usually in one. Remember there is no state-level government between government and counties as in America. Yet.

STILTON CHEESE. Blue cheese, with the sort of kick associated with irate mules. named for the village of Stilton in Lincolnshire.

TANNOY: Public address system, usually inaudible except for your own name.

TEA/HIGH TEA: Some centuries back, the main meal of the day was around 2-3 p.m. This gradually got later, and so some afternoon fill-in was required. Afternoon or High Tea came into being, occurring around four and consisting of tea (the drink) and cakes. In the twentieth century 'tea' was commonly used to refer to the evening meal and dinner to the midday one, but lately dinner is the evening meal and lunch the midday one. Iced tea is (thankfully) rare. Note that the traditional English way of making tea is to always pour the milk in first; this is because the first posh cups made from bone china broke if you poured hot water straight into them.

TOAD-IN-THE-HOLE: Sausages cooked in a batter base. Delicious. Frogs are left to the French.

TOFFEE: Taffy. Often harder than in the States.

TRADE UNION: Labour union. The difference is that the British system is traditionally organized on trades, not workplaces.

TRAM: Streetcar.

TUBE: London Underground.

VAT (VALUE-ADDED TAX): Sales tax, currently fixed at 17.5%. Included in the price nearly everywhere.

YANK(EE): Most Britons would term all Americans 'yankees' (among other names). Before you get offended, bear in mind you'll probably make many similar mistakes over here.

YORKSHIRE PUDDING: Main-course pudding made from cooked unsweetened pancake batter, and traditionally served with roast beef. Very nice.

ZEBRA/PELICAN CROSSING: Pedestrian road crossing. Pelican crossings always have traffic lights, whilst zebras (now getting rare) never do, having flashing amber lights on striped poles (Belisha beacons) and black and white stripes across the road.

--------------------------------- ---------------------------------