AC MMVI

A page to be updated annually, listing the twelve people I'd volunteer to be on the first spaceship to Alpha Centauri if it were launched just after the end of 2006. One-way, of course.

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12: JOHN 'TWO JABS' PRESCOTT (Last year: 3)

As his mate Tony prepares for life outside Downing Street (and possibly inside jail), Two Jabs had a quieter year. It was enlivened mainly by the whale which swam up the Thames, prompting one malicious commentator to remark that it had probably spotted Prescott and mistaken him for a potential mate!

11: THE NATIONAL LOTTERY (Last year: 11)

Holding steady in the lower charts, and still dolling out tens of thousands of pounds to travellers and illegal immigrants, whilst refusing to fund any groups that might actually support English culture. Remember, if you're English, it won't ever be you!

10: STEPHEN POUND MP (Last year: Unplaced)

The member for Ealing North seems unacquainted with the term 'shame', as it's now three years since he welshed on his promise to the BBC Today programme to bring in a law to allow homeowners to defend themselves. Fortunately the BBC seems to have 'forgotten' to chase him up on this, despite his frequent appearances with them.

9: TONY BLAIR (Last year: 2)

Definitely out in 2007, but continued to demean his office, and became the first ever serving prime minister to be questioned by the police, over the cash-for-honours scandal. Now we know why he and his ugly wife were so keen on improving conditions in prison....

8: SIR MARK MALLOCH-BROWN (Last year: Unplaced)

British representative at the United Nations, where he betrays our country on a regular basis, probably as part of his campaign to become Secretary-General one day. Heaven forfend!

7: SHAMI CHAKRIBATI (Last year:7)

Head of the Terrorists' Rights organization Liberty, dear old Shameless has held her position against strong competition this year. She continues to support terrorists everywhere.

6: KEN LIVINGSTONE (Last year: Unplaced)

After much effort, the man who said he would never ban the much-loved Routemaster buses (which he did) and that he wanted to force all drivers off the roads (which he's well on the way to doing) finally makes it into the charts.

5: DAVID IRVING (Last year: Unplaced)

The good news was that Austria jailed this Holocaust-denying bigot and self-proclaimed historian (without a degree) earlier this year. The bad news was some saft judge then let him out early. Clearly dumb judges are not just a British problem.

4: MARY-JANE HINCHLIFFE (Last year: Unplaced)

For sheer vindictiveness, the head of St. Anne's Infant School in Bristol makes it into the top four. When the mother of a quadriplegic boy decided to withhold him from R.E. Lessons about Hinduism, this harridan retaliated by banning the poor boy from all Christmas celebrations, and only mounted a swift retreat when the story hit the national headlines. The mother is still waiting for both an apology and some disciplinary action against Ms. Hinchcliffe. She'll have a bloody long wait.

3: SIR IAN BLAIR (Last year: Unplaced)

Another Blair that just wouldn't take the hint and quit, the head of the Met had a dreadful year, summed up in his force's abject failure to arrest any of the Muslims who marched in the capital in support of terror (though he had enough policemen to arrest anyone else who tried to take pictures), then sent a major force of men round to force a man who had a sign criticizing Islam in his own back garden to take it down. Like his shameless namesake down the road, the sooner this Blair goes, the better.

2: ROWAN WILLIAMS (Last year: Unplaced)

2006 was the year that six little words came to strike terror into Anglican hearts everywhere. 'The Archbishop of Canterbury has said' would always be followed by something which would make us wonder if he was on the wrong or too much medication, and just when he was going to resign. Not soon enough, for me.

AND THE 'WINNER' IS.....

1: ABU HAMZA (Last year: 1)

Captain Hook still here? The Americans still want him, but he was tried and found guilty. However.... seven years in jail, so with parole so easy and the Parole Board so gulli... flexible, hopefully he can be let out early in 2007. Straight onto a plane for America, where I hope they have a comfortable chair wired direct to the mains!

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