AC MMVIII

A page to be put out annually, listing the twelve people I'd volunteer to be on the first spaceship to Alpha Centauri if it were launched just after the end of 2008. One-way, of course.

Ken Livingstone lost his place this year, as well as losing his job. Hurrah! Also out, despite a big effort, are Meredydd Hughes, 'Sir' Trevor Phillips, 'Sir' Willie Walsh and Polly Toynbee.

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12: SIR IAN BLAIR (Last year: 2)

He only drops because, thanks to the maverick (I'm being polite) new London mayor Boris, he's been forced out. And not before time.

11: HARRIET HARMAN (Last year: Unplaced)

A real wymon, however they spell it nowadays. Just looks like a man.

10: KAREN MATTHEWS (Last year: Unplaced)

The shameless harridan who arrenged her daughter's kidnap so she could rake in money. Another conscience-free zone.

9: RUSSELL BRAND (Last year: Unplaced)

Another alleged 'comedian', who thinks looking like you've slept in a haystack is fashionable. It isn't.

8: BENJAMIN ZEPHANIAH (Last year: 7)

If you ever decide to end it all, don't bother with a revolver and bullets. Just read some of Mr Z's dire 'poetry'. Throwing yourself under a bus will suddenly come as a blessed relief.

7: SHAMI CHAKRIBATI (Last year: 5)

Head of the Terrorists' Rights organization Liberty, dear old Shameless has proved worthy of maintaining her ticket against strong competition.

6: SIR ALEX FERGUSON (Last year: Unplaced)

There is a fortune out there waiting for the first advertising executive brave/suicidal enough to put this myopic Caledonian in a should've gone to Specsavers' ad.

5: INAYAT BUNGAWALA (Last year: 4)

Head of the Muslim Council of Britain, or the We Really Are Unfairly Picked On, And It's Just A Coincidence That 100% Of All Suicide Bombers Are Muslim Council Of Britain. A man who should learn that silence is golden.

4: GORDON BROWN (Last year: 6)

The only surprising thing is that I found three people worse than the man who boasted he had abolished boom and bust, and was proved to be only half right!

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3: JONATHAN ROSS (Last year: Unplaced)

This person, for some strange reason, describes himself as a comic. I have yet to see any evidence to back up this assertion.

2: ROWAN WILLIAMS (Last year: 3)

Back up to second place for possible the worst primate ever, the man who can set Anglican's teeth on edge with the headline 'The Archbishop of Canterbury has said...”

THE 'WINNER' IS.....

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1: ABU HAMZA (Last year: 1)

Captain Hook still here? Yes, the courts have cleared him to go, but for some inexplicable reason the parasite is still pulluting our air. In God's name, why?

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