CONSTITUTION

I couldn't find a decent version of the EU constitution anywhere on the Web. So I took the original and cut out the waffle. Here's the result, with the more important bits in red-yellow highlights.

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Article I-1

1. Hey, here's a constitution!

2. Anyone in Europe welcome - provided you share our 'values'.

Article I-2

Lots of uninteresting PC blether

Article I-3

1. Peace and happiness to all our peoples!

2-4. Lots more PC blether, hiding a target of 'territorial cohesion'.

5. The EU will only do what the EU allows itself to do (?)

Article I-4

1. Free movement of persons, services, goods and capital.

2. No discrimination on grounds of nationality (presumably this means the UK can stop paying for everything? Thought not.)

Article I-5

1. All states to be treated equally (provided they're not called UK).

2. All states to do as they are told.

Article I-6

Constitution to have primacy over national law.

Article I-7

EU to have legal personality (can they be sued for fraud? Oh please!)

Article I-8

EU flag (circle of twelve golden stars on blue background), anthem ("Ode to Joy"), motto ("United in diversity") and currency (euro). Europe Day (not EU Day?) shall be 'celebrated' on 9 May throughout the Union. Yes it WILL!

Article I-9

1. That awful Charter of Fundamental Rights (i.e. Charter of Criminals' Rights) to be law.

2. European Convention for the Protection of Human Rights to be law.

3. Member states' traditional rights to be 'general principles' of EU law.

Article I-10

1. Every national of a Member State shall be a citizen of the Union and of their own state.

2. EU Citizens can move about, vote and get diplomatic protection.

Article I-11

1. The EU decides when and whether it is right or not.

2. More unintelligible blether.

3. If the EU wants to act in an area outside the constitution, all it has to do is to declare the matter 'in the interests of EU objectives'.

4. The EU won't be greedy and power-hungry. Stop laughing AT ONCE!

Article I-12

1. In areas decided by this constitution, member states can't make laws except where the EU 'grants them permission'.

2. The EU can give up powers if it so wishes. YOU'RE LAUGHING AGAIN!

3. Coordination of economic and employment policies, even if it's not in a member state's interest.

4. Common foreign and security policy, and the framing of a common defence policy.

5. If the EU wants to exercise powers in areas outside the Constitution, it jolly well can. So there!

6. Still more unintelligible blether.

Article I-13:

1. The Union has the last word in these areas: customs union, rules necessary for the internal market, monetary policy for euro Member States, conservation of marine biological resources (i.e. the continuing destruction of the remains of the British fishing industry), common commercial policy.

2. The EU can negotiate international agreements in place of member states as and when it chooses to do so.

Article I-14

1. The EU will 'allow' member states to suggest and make laws when it wants to.

2. This applies in the following areas: internal market, social policy, economic, social and territorial cohesion, agriculture and fisheries, environment, consumer protection, transport, trans-European networks, energy, freedom, security and justice, safety in public health matters.

3/4. In research, technological development, development cooperation, humanitarian aid and space, the EU can still do what it wants, but will try not to step on member states' toes. Too much.

Article I-15

1. The Council of Ministers will tell us how to run our economy.

2-3. The EU will control our employment and social policies.

Article I-16

1. The EU will control foreign policy and begin taking over our armed forces.

2. The EU policy is final. So no more supporting America!

Article I-17

The EU will, if it wants, also take over policies on protection and improvement of human health, industry, culture, tourism, education, youth, sport and vocational training, civil protection, administrative cooperation.

Article I-18

1. If the EU wants to do something outside this constitution, then the Council of Ministers will give it permission. No need to ask member states.

2. But we will tell member states what we're going to do. Aren't we considerate?

Article I-19

1. List of EU bodies.

2. They will work well together (particularly in fiddling their expenses).

Article I-20

1. The European Parliament shall elect the President of the Commission.

2-4. Other European Parliament rules.

Article I-21

1-4. European Council rules

Article I-22

1. The president can be sacked if he's a fraudster and gets found out. And pigs fly.

Articles I-23/24

Council of Ministers stuff.

Article I-25

Definition of qualified majority within the European Council:

1. 55% of Member States, at least 15 Member States (72% if the proposal doesn't come from the Commission or the Minister for Foreign Affairs).

2. 65% of the Union’s population.

Article I-26

Lots of stuff about the European Commission. A good laugh in section 4, which states members should be chosen 'by their general competence'.

Article I-27

President of the Commission stuff.

Article I-28

EU Minister for Foreign Affairs

1-3. General rules.

4. They shall ensure the consistency of the Union's external action.

Article I-29

EU Court of 'Justice' stuff.

Article I-30

European Central Bank, which will conduct monetary policy for euro members.

Article I-31

The Court of Auditors (ready for a laugh on this one)

1. It will audit.

2. It shall ensure good financial management (TRY TO STOP LAUGHING, PLEASE).

Article I-32

Committee of the Regions, Economic and Social Committee rules.

Article I-33

1. EU laws apply in all member states, which can choose how to apply them. As are EU regulations.

2. The EU won't interfere where it's not wanted. And fish won't s**t in the sea.

Article I-34

1. If the parliament and council don't agree, no new law.

2. Unless the parliament classifies it as 'special legislative procedures'.

3. Member states are allowed to suggest laws.

Article I-35

1. Unintelligible legal blether.

Article I-36

1. The Commission can change and add new law as and when it so chooses.

2. Any get-out clauses come with more strings attached than Pinocchio.

Article I-37

1. Member States shall adopt all EU laws.

2. Other EU bodies can butt in as and when they feel like it.

3. That bit earlier about allowing member states the right to choose how to implement new laws. If they get it wrong (in the EU's opinion), they lose that 'power'.

4. Blether.

Article I-38

Some EU legal principles (an oxymoron?). Basically they have to give reasons for interfering, but no-one can question these reasons.

Article I-39

Uninteresting legalese about how and when laws become laws.

Article I-40

1. The EU shall conduct a common foreign and security policy, based on the development of mutual political solidarity among Member States, the identification of questions of general interest and the achievement of an ever-increasing degree of convergence of Member States' actions. In English, the UK will do what it is told, so there!

2. European Council to decide EU's 'interests'.

3-4. The common foreign and security policy shall be put into effect by the Union Minister for Foreign Affairs and by the Member States, using national and Union resources (i.e. British defence forces used for EU ends).

5-6. The UK has to tell the EU what it wants to do beforehand (we know we can trust them!), and then get 'agreement' from everybody. And, of course, not compromise EU 'interests'.

7-8. The European Council may, unanimously, allow the Council to act by a qualified majority in some cases (i.e. the UK can be ignored).

Article I-41

1. The EU can used UK armed forces as and when it wants.

2. The EU will try not to cross member states' interests.

3. The European Defence Agency can tell us how to run our armed forces.

4. The European Council should decide such things unanimously.

5. Member states can be chosen to do stuff.

6. Better armed states, such as the UK, shall be more interfered with.

7. Member states should defend each other (just like the EU did during the Falklands War, Not!).

8. The European Parliament shall be kept consulted.

Article I-42

1. The EU shall constitute an area of freedom, security and justice by:

(a) 'harmonization' of member states' laws.

(b) mutual recognition between member states' judicial systems.

(c) police co-operation.

2. National parliaments can 'evaluate' EU law.

3. Member States may still control their police and legal systems.

Article I-43

Assistance between member states in the event of a terrorist attack.

Article I-44

1. Member States may do things together, providing the EU allows it.

2-4. A clause allowing 1/3 of member states to push ahead with something, and fiddling the voting system to allow them to do what they want.

Article I-45

The EU shall treat its citizens all equally.

Article I-46

The EU will be democratic.

Article I-47

The EU will take notice of the plebs.

Article I-48

Almost completely unintelligible, but looks like more 'consulting'.

Article I-49

The European Ombudsman.

Article I-50

1. EU institutions shall do their work 'as openly as possible'. TEE-HEE!

2. The European Parliament shall meet in public.

3. EU citizens have the right to see EU documents (this hasn't worked in the past during fraud investigations). But....

4. Each EU institution shall determine its own provisions regarding access to its documents.

Article I-51

Right to the protection of personal data, protected by EU law.

Article I-52

The EU and religion.

Article I-53

1. There will be a budget (you know, the one the Auditors have rejected for the past ten years or so).

2. The revenue and expenditure shown in the budget shall be in balance.

3-4. Expenditure will follow EU law.

5-6. The EU won't mis-spend our money.

7. There will be no fraud. YOU'RE LAUGHING AGAIN!!!

Article I-54

1. The EU shall provide itself with the means necessary to attain its objectives (we take as much money was we want).

2-4. The EU should use its own money, but can change what member states pay.

Article I-55/56

1. The EU will be financially competent (I CAN STILL HEAR LAUGHING)

2. Finance rules will be passed unanimously, except where they won't be passed unanimously (?)

Article I-57

The EU will work with its neighbours.

Article I-58

Membership rules.

Article I-59

Members can be suspended and lose voting rights - but EU laws will still apply to them.

Article I-60

Withdrawal rules. Negotiations can take up to two years, after which a member state is 'allowed' to leave.

Article II-61

Human dignity is inviolable. It must be respected and protected.

Article II-62

No death penalty.

Article II-63

1. The medical community should behave.

2. No selling of body parts or cloning.

Article II-64

No torture or inhuman/degrading treatment.

Article II-65

No slavery.

Article II-66

Liberty and security of person (i.e. the right to be burgled, and the burglar's right to sue you for tripping him up on his way out).

Article II-67

Respect for private and family life.

Article II-68

Protection of personal data

Article II-69

Right to marry and have a family (the EU allows us?)

Article II-70

Freedom of thought, conscience and religion, including the right of conscientious objectors.

Article II-71

Freedom of expression and information (unless you're whistleblowing on EU fraud, in which case we will hunt you down and destroy you).

Article II-72

Freedom of assembly and right to join a union.

Article II-73

The arts and scientific research shall be free of constraint. Academic freedom (the right to say really dumb things) shall be respected.

Article II-74

Right to compulsory education (huh?).

Article II-75

Freedom to choose an occupation and right to engage in work, including the right to work in any member state and be treated fairly (unless you're a British ski instructor in France, apparently).

Article II-76

Freedom to conduct a business.

Article II-77

Right to buy, manage, own and sell property.

Article II-78

Right to asylum (i.e. the right to pass on all asylum seekers to the U.K.)

Article II-79

Protection in the event of removal, expulsion or extradition. No mass expulsions, or expulsion to any state using torture.

Article II-80

No discrimination on grounds of race, gender, sex, etc.

Article II-81

No discrimination on grounds of nationality (except against the British, presumably).

Article II-82

The Union shall respect cultural, religious and linguistic diversity.

Article II-83

Equality between women and men.

Article II-84

Kids have rights.

Article II-85

The rights of the elderly.

Article II-86:

Integration of persons with disabilities.

Article II-87

Workers' right to information and consultation.

Article II-88

Right of collective bargaining and strike action.

Article II-89

Right of access to placement services (what are these?).

Article II-90

Protection in the event of unjustified dismissal.

Article II-91

Fair and just working conditions.

Article II-92

No child labour. Protection of young people at work.

Article II-93

Family and professional life, no unfair dismissal, maternity leave.

Article II-94

Social security and social assistance. The EU 'recognizes' it.

Article II-95

A high level of health care.

Article II-96

Access to services of general economic interest (eh?).

Article II-97

Environmental protection must be noted.

Article II-98

Consumer protection should be included in EU policy formation.

Article II-99

Right to vote and to stand as a candidate at elections to the European Parliament.

Article II-100

Right to vote and to stand as a candidate at municipal elections in your member state.

Article II-101

Right to good and fair EU administration (I CAN HEAR LAUGHING AGAIN)

Article II-102

Right of access to documents - unless the EU doesn't want you to.

Article II-103

European Ombudsman can investigate bad EU administration (he'll be busy!)

Article II-104

Right to petition the EU Parliament.

Article II-105

Freedom of movement and of residence anywhere in the EU.

Article II-106

Diplomatic and consular protection by any member states' diplomats.

Article II-107

Right to an effective remedy and to a fair trial.

Article II-108

Presumption of innocence and right of defence (unless you're an EU whistleblower).

Article II-109

Principles of legality and proportionality of criminal offences and penalties (i.e. judges can be soft).

Article II-110

Right not to be tried or punished twice in criminal proceedings for the same offence (double jeopardy).

Article II-111

What the Charter should do.

Article II-112

Providing of course it doesn't clash with EU interests.

Article II-113-114

Respect human rights at all times (unless they're EU whistleblowers, of course).

Article III-115

EU policies shall be consistent.

Article III-116

The EU will promote equality (presumably not of budget contributions?).

Article III-117

PC blether.

Article III-118

More PC blether.

Article III-119

Environmental concerns must be noted.

Article III-120

Consumer protection requirements shall be taken into account in EU policies and activities.

Article III-121

Animals will be protected, unless cultural and/or religious concerns let them be tortured and killed, in which case, tough!

Article III-122

The EU will make 'good' laws.

Article III-123

The EU can make laws to ban discrimination on grounds of nationality.

Article III-124

Rules for making the above.

Article III-125

Passports, identity cards and freedom of residence - the EU can give itself more power in these areas by qualified majority voting.

Article III-126

Right to stand for the European Parliament - EU can change this too.

Article III-127

Diplomatic protection by other member states' diplomats - the EU can make law to speed up if it feels countries are moving too slowly in this area.

Article III-128

List of EU languages.

Article III-129

As 127, the EU can push countries along over the citizenship issue.

Article III-130

The free and fair internal market. YOU'RE LAUGHING YET AGAIN!

Article III-131

Very badly worded, deliberately I think. Basically the EU can order our armed forces into action in another countries' civil or external wars 'to protect the single market'.

Article III-132

The Single Market will work. This time.

Article III-133

Workers shall have the right to move freely within the Union, and not to be discriminated against (British ski instructors in France, anyone?)

Article III-133.

Harmonization of employment rules.

Article III-135

Exchange of young workers to be encouraged.

Article III-136

Protection for migrant workers.

Article III-137

You can be self-employed in another member state.

Article III-138

Checks to see these rules are being followed.

Article III-139

'Officials authorities' are exempt from the above protections.

Article III-140

Fair treatment for foreigners.

Article III-141

Recognition of university degrees between member states, and other measures to make movement easier.

Article III-142

Companies shall be treated like people (?)

Article III-143

No discrimination against people from other member states as regards opportunities for investment.

Article III-144

EU rules can, if the EU wants, be extended to non-EU people working in EU countries.

Article III-145

Definition of services.

Article III-146

Freedom to provide services in the field of transport. The liberalization of banking and insurance services.

Article III-147

The EU will frame laws to promote trade.

Article III-148

Member states can change their laws to make inter-EU movement easier.

Article III-149

Restrictions on service providers.

Article III-150

Rules which apply.

Article III-151

No customs duties.

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