REFEREES

Quotes taken from actual performance evaluations

1. Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

2. His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.

3. I would not allow this employee to breed.

4. This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't be.

5. Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.

6. When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.

7. He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.

8. This young lady has delusions of adequacy.

9. He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

10. This employee should go far - and the sooner she starts, the better.

11. This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

12. Obviously this one got into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn't looking.

13. It's hard to believe he beat a million other sperm.

14. Wheel turning, hamster dead.

15. If you offered her a penny for her thoughts, you'd get change!

16. Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.

17. He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room.

18. When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.

19. If you see two people talking and one looks bored, she’s the other one.

20. A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.

21. A prime candidate for natural de-selection.

22. Donated his brain to science before he was done using it.

23. Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming.

24. She’s got two brains, one is lost and the other is out looking for it.

25. If she were any more stupid, she’d have to be watered twice a week.

26. A gross ignoramus... 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.

27. He doesn’t have ulcers, but he’s a carrier.

28. I would like to go hunting with him sometime.

29. She’s been working with glue too much.

30. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; she only gargled.

31. Takes him 2 hours to watch Sixty Minutes.

32. She would argue with a signpost.

33. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.

Funfair Index