BLONDES
BLONDES
SO BLONDE
She Was Soooooooooooooo Blonde:
she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
she thought a quarterback was a refund.
she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
she thought Eartha Kitt was a set of garden tools.
she thought General Motors was in the army.
she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
under "education" on her job application, she put "Hooked On Phonics."
she tripped over a cordless phone.
she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said "concentrate."
she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "ONE WAY."
at the bottom of the application where it says "sign here," she wrote "Sagittarius."
she studied for a blood test.
she sold the car for gas money!
when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
when she went to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left", she turned around and went home.
when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
she thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.
if she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.
she thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening.
she had a shirt that said "TGIF," which she thought stood for "Tits Goes In Front."
*
BLONDE CONVENTION
80,000 blondes meet in the Kansas City Chiefs Stadium for a "Blondes Are Not Stupid" Convention. The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?" A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage. The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?" After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "Eighteen!" Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80,000 blondes start cheering,
"GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"
The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world-wide press and global broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give her another chance." So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?" After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, "Ninety?" The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh -- everyone is disheartened - the blonde starts crying and the 80,000 girls begin to yell and wave their hands shouting,
"GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"
The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage, eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance -- What is 2 plus 2?" The girl closes her eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "Four?". Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 girls jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream...
"GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"
*
A blonde bird pushes her Punto into a gas station. She tells the mechanic,"It died."
After he works on it for a few minutes, it's idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburettor."
She says, "How often do I have to do that?"