PRESS
1
PRESS
1
Hello, and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline.
* If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
* If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
* If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
* If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
* If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.
* If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
* If you are a depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press - no-one will answer.
* If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.
* If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number and your mother's maiden name.
*If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
* If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you.