LITTLE LEAGUE FAQS

Tired of the money-grubbing, me-first fatcats of the Premiership? Despairing of anything new in the stagnant self-serving Football League? Despair no more, as this page aims to open up the exciting (and often downright weird) world of part-time, semi-professional or (to normal folk) non-league football.

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What is 'the Pyramid'?

This is the term used for the structure of non-league football in England. At the top of the Pyramid is a national league known as the Conference, about half whose clubs are full-time. On the next three levels down there are 2, 3 and then 4 leagues, the number of leagues increasing the further down the Pyramid you go, so smaller clubs play in more local leagues, and have lower travelling costs to compensate for lower crowds. The system was simplified in 2004/5, though of course not without the FA screwing the smaller clubs, as they do at every opportunity.

Could my local side play in the Premiership?

Er, well, yes. Theoretically. However, each level of the levels has its own ground criteria, and if clubs fails to meet them - they are occasionally changed, by the way - they can be refused promotion or even find themselves demoted. (Demotion in English football means dropping leagues for some reason other than finishing in a relegation position). The 2004/5 reform standardised ground criteria at each level, removing at least one problem. In fact, non-league has come a long way since 1979 and the election.

Oh, you mean we can blame Maggie Thatcher?

No. Prior to 1977 the bottom four clubs in the Football League stood for re-election against any club from almost any non-league league (you know what I mean!). Amazingly the clubs who decided on any new members were the Football League clubs, including those who were up for re-election! So guess who nearly always won? Between 1977 and 1979 the FA selected just two clubs to go forward for election, a system that saw both Wimbledon and Wigan enter the League. After the non-league clubs tried to improve their chances still further by forming what is now the Conference in 1979 and nominating only one club, League clubs conspired to block any further 'elections' for the next seven years. The FA, of course, did sweet FA. Non-league clubs finally got a foot in the door when automatic promotion between the Conference and Division Four (now League Two) started at the end of season 1986/7.

Automatic promotion. Now you can't say that doesn't work.

Wanna bet? Take Macclesfield. In 1995 they were rejected for League membership because the Football League claimed their ground was not up to standard - yet the previous season, the same Football League had been perfectly happy to allow a League club (Chester City) play at that same 'unsuitable' ground. When recently-promoted Maidstone folded in 1992, having received exactly zero help from their fellow clubs and the FA, the entry criteria were tightened so that fewer clubs could get in, although after Stevenage threatened to take the League to court in 1996, they had to be relaxed a bit. Even now however, clubs have to have everything in place by April 1st (appropriate!) to qualify for promotion in August. By an amazing coincidence, those former League clubs who have won the Conference have had no trouble whatsoever in getting back into the League - in spite of the facts their grounds were far worse!

So it's a fix?

What isn't in football? Non-league clubs are also vulnerable to greedy property developers, who would just love to sell off their town centre grounds. One man even ended up in court because he arranged for some 'friends' to burn down the ground he owned to claim the insurance, and make more money by then building on it. In 2001 the Football League voted 69-3 against extending the exchange with the Conference to two clubs. At the same time, these arch-hypocrites were demanding an increase to four-club exchange with the Premiership, and expected both the Premiership and the Conference to pay for clubs coming into the Football League at both ends! The Conference responded to the rejection with a proposed five-club play-off system and no automatic promotion of the champions, which the FA rejected. Two-club promotion (one automatic, one via play-offs) was belatedly approved the following year.

What about lower down?

First, a bit about Steps and Levels. The Conference National is Step 1 (i.e. The top tier of non-league football), the two regional Conference leagues Step 2 and Level 6, and so on. The 2004/5 and 2005/6 reforms have changed a lot, though the reform schedule isn't yet complete. There is now automatic promotion and relegation, including a system of play-offs, between the Step 1-4 leagues. Between Step 4 (5 regional leagues) and Step 5 (14 local leagues) there are 10 possible promotion places, with play-offs if more than ten Step 5 clubs qualify. The FA plans to both expand the Step 4 leagues from 5 to 6, incidentally increasing the 10 to 12 places (scheduled for 2007/08) and shrink the Step 5 leagues from 14 to 12 (scheduled for whenever). Since they took seven years to get round to Pyramid reform in the first place and only did it when threatened with a breakaway, don't hold your breath. But in spite of all these problems, there is still a lot of romance around non-league - particularly in the Cup.

What's the Cup?

Thing with tea in, you get it on saucers.... sorry. Non-league teams who are members of the FA can take part in up to 2 of 3 knockout competitions every year. They can compete in either the FA Trophy (Step 1-4 clubs) or the FA Vase (local league clubs). In both, league status and to a lesser extent recent tournament form determine at which stage of the competition they enter. But the big one, for which the only criteria is being in either the Trophy or Vase at the same time, is the FA Cup, in which only league status counts. After six preliminary and qualifying rounds, the remaining 32 non-league clubs meet up with the 48 League 1 and 2 clubs. If any of the 'minnows' survive the next two rounds, then the 'big boys' of the Premiership and Championship enter.

What's the catch?

Potential utter humiliation and undying embarrassment for the top flight clubs, who hate this competition. It is rather embarrassing when your multi-million pound squad gets outplayed by a group worth less than your main striker's little finger! They'd like to stop it, but for the part-timers it's a day of glory, plus enough financial reward to keep them going for the next few years. Worse, it's popular. To try to limit the damage, in 1999 the big clubs forced the date for the Third Round, the one in which they enter, back a month. Crowds duly collapsed, and they had to abandon the change immediately. Don't be daft; of course they didn't admit they'd been wrong. The Premiership superclubs also started fielding weak sides in the club, for which of course the FA... did sweet FA! Several top clubs had to rely on 'interesting' refereeing decisions, which somehow always broke the rule of averages by going 100% the way of the big clubs. Manchester United even pulled out of the competition in 2000, then complained when they got flack. Duh!

But surely the Football Association has done something?

Of course. They reduced the prize money in the FA Cup - not for the later rounds, of course (can't have multi-million pound big clubs losing out), just for the earlier rounds where smaller clubs desperately need the money. They have also taken an increasingly hostile attitude towards non-league clubs in recent years. They stopped non-league clubs from surrendering home advantage to make more money from lucrative ties against top clubs, and have allowed senior clubs to poach non-league players whilst doing... you're getting it, sweet FA! They has also threatened to sue those non-league clubs which use the word 'academy' for their youth schemes, and withdrew accreditation and refused funding to all such schemes. And they wonder why they're so hated? Yes, they really are that stupid!

So the FA only looks after Premiership and League clubs, then?

Yes. And the bigger you are, the more you get looked after.

Is there anything good about the Premiership superclubs?

No. Greedy money-grubbing self-centred bastards who think football should be run totally for their benefit. And thanks to the FA, it now is. In 1990 television money was split 50-50 between the old top division and the three lower divisions. Ten years later, that split was 94-6. The result; whichever three clubs are promoted to the Premiership in a given year, all will struggle. It was great fun when, in the mid-nineties, the Premiership threatened to pull up the drawbridge and stop accepting clubs from the Football League - and the League clubs threatened to stop coming up anyway! Rather belatedly the Premier clubs realized this would destroy crowd numbers at most grounds in the latter half of the season, with there being nothing to play for. The proposal was duly filed in an appropriate receptacle. In 1996 Premiership club Newcastle United tried to bully Conference side Stevenage Borough into surrendering home advantage in their FA Cup tie; the big club were lucky to escape with a 1-1 draw, and again relied heavily on official 'myopia' to win the replay.

Why the term 'non-league'?

Because it's not the Football League - thankfully! Some clubs prefer the term 'semi-professional', regarding 'non-league' as somewhat derogatory, but like all such terms it seems here to stay. The FA has proffered the term 'national game', which neatly sums up their contribution.

So how do I get into the non-league 'scene'?

Find out who your local club is - it'll be a darn sight more local, friendly and cheaper than your nearest 'big' club, though you may miss all the diving and over-acting. Somehow I doubit t, though. TV coverage of non-league is poor - the BBC openly despises everything beneath the Premiership, ITV is useless, whilst Sky covers some Conference matches, proving that it is useful for something! Radio 5 provides fractionally better (i.e. poor) coverage, and Ceefax lists daily local matches on page 399. Local radio often has a short results programme on Saturdays, which they are afraid to advertise in case people listen to it. The Non-League Paper is published every Friday and Sunday; be careful on the latter day as sneaky newsagents leave out Friday's copy. There are many sites on the web where you can get updates of how your team is doing. If there isn't, start one yourself!

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