Starring: Tom Hanks, Ed Burns & Matt Damon
Directed by: Steven Speilberg
And so we return once again to the forties with Uncle Steve. This has much to live up to, after the peerless Schindler's List and an advance buzz that suggested that the multi-Oscar winning classic may have just found a peer. That it can't quite deliver is thus a major disappointment, and almost overshadows the fact that it is still nevertheless very good.
After a brief modern day prologue, we are thrust back to Omaha Beach, 1944, with a shock. An extremely badly conceived beach raid, part of D-Day, finds Tom Hanks in charge of those American troops who survived the carnage. But rather than move off to take more ground from the Nazis, Hanks receives new orders from way up there at "the top".
Somewhere back in the US of A, a Mrs Ryan is about to simultaneously learn of the deaths of three of her four sons, all fighting apart in the war. It is up to Hanks, and his squad of eight men, to find the one remaining son, lost somewhere in France, and (if still alive) get him sent home to momma, where he can presumably drink her lemonade in peace.
All the performances from the ensemble cast are good, although Hanks doesn't seem quite as at-home as usual. The script in turn provides some strong characters (if one is a little to cartoonish initially), and plays its theme of sacrifice for a nobody-you-know-nothing-about extremely well. Less successful structurally is the opening bloodbath - true, it is shockingly graphic but, with no frame of narrative reference, seems to have made its point way, way beyond its enormous length.
And here is the other main problem - that of the direction of Speilberg himself. Whilst Schindler was purposeful and steady, this seems self-conscious and erratic. Battle scenes are shot not only from an on-the-ground perspective, but also with a myriad of cheap film stocks and jerky fast shutter speeds, presumably in an attempt to make it all look like the old newsreels or something. The overall effect is actually gimmicky and distracting, drawing attention to itself as a film, rather than history or a story. To compound the problem, having established this supposed "hyper-realism", Speilberg then pulls back and gives us a traditional war story shot in a traditional way, with even a few cliches in tact.
That's certainly not to say it's not a good story, however, and the best part is that there's much here to fuel those conversations on the way home from the piccies. The climactic sequence is edge of the seat stuff too yet, strangely, the whole film is just not the overwhelming experience you might expect. Yes, war's horrible, and WW2 particularly so. But after the powerful and moving Schindler, we need something a little more than that. Even Speilberg's Indiana Jones told us that "I hate Nazis"...
Starring: Liam Neeson, Ralph Finnes & Ben Kingsley
Directed by: Steven Speilberg
So much was made of Speilberg's first "worthy" film that at the time is was treated with almost holy reverance and respect. So a few years on, how good a film is Schindler's List?
Well, superb actually. Even stronger on repeat viewing, but different things impress. For example, the wholesale horror of the images of "cleansing" of the ghetto or the showers at Aushwitz are superceded by more intimate scenes of Schindler (Neeson), or his boss Goeth (Fines) respectively talking to Goeth's terrified Jewish maid Helen Hirsch. Enormously powerful on their own, given the background of casual terror in which the Jews lived and died it becomes something extraordinary. Then there is the character of Schindler himself, something of an enigma brought to life by an excellent performance from Neeson and Steve Zaillian's masterful screenplay. His relationship with his accountant Schtol (Kingsley) forms the film's core - that we never get to the bottom of it is as truthful as it is poignant.
At over three hours, this is a mesmerising film, doing justice to the large scale atrocities commited against the Jews by highlighting this one remarkable story. Some people may bicker at Speilberg's evident supreme craft, but for the most part it is a talent which he uses very effectively. For the critics still not satisfied - hey, he made this film and what did you do?
This is a rare film, throughly deserving of it's praise and Oscars. As pure filmaking, it is almost peerless. And as education it is absolutely essential.
Starring: Emma Thompson, Kate Winslet, Alan Rickman & Hugh Grant
Directed by: Ang Lee
You'd be forgiven for thinking the old "repressed emotion period drama" horse had been well and truly flogged to death, but - gracious, my lord - this latest Jane Austin adaption proves there's life in the old beast yet. With the success of BBC TV's Pride and Prejudice still fresh in the minds of the nation and coffers of the bosses, Emma Thompson has written a top notch screenplay which has emerged at the big screen in splendid shape.
The story reminds us that Basic Instinct's Joe Esterhas is not the first prolific writer to only have one idea. Following the death of their father, three single rich sisters have fallen on hard times due to legalities cutting them out of the majority of the will. Repressed Thompson has fallen for repressed Grant - a match clearly made in heaven - and passionate Winslet falls for a suitable passionate suitor. Poor old Rickman has to resort to cold showers then, since the third daughter is only twelve. Nothing is quite what it seems, however, and the course of true love does not run anything like smooth.
This is all in the telling, and the good news is the story is darn well told. There is much humour - notably from Hugh Laurie in a tiny but splendid role as a surly relative, but none of the cast let the side down. The excellent Winslet has as much screen time as Thompson on top form (check out the ending!), but somehow only qualifies for a best supporting actress Oscar nomination. But it is director Ang Lee who perhaps excells the most - in his first English language movie, he shows himself in complete control of all the subtleties and nuances of both text and performances.
It's a bit long - things start to drag two thirds of the way through - and this will probably impress the ever-in-awe-of-the-English Americans even more than us in blighty. Be that as it may, if you only see one period movie about three rich sisters falling on hard times and in love this year, then go to it.
The Serpent's Kiss * (Short Review)
Starring: Ewan MacCregor, Pete Postlethwaite & Greta Scacchi
Man makes plantless garden for pretentious aristocrat in shocking financial scam. Team makes pointless film for pretentious audience in shocking period-drama scam.
Did anyone actually read this script all the way through before making it? Loathsome.
Starring Morgan Freeman and Brad Pitt
Directed by David Fincher
On the face of it, Seven is a movie which is about as formulaic as it comes - a serial killer with a weird reason to kill, two cops - one rookie who thinks that rules are meant to be broken and one on the verge of retirement who don't see eye to eye, and a director whose only previous feature, Alien 3, was a somewhat less then innovative sequel of a sequel. But fair's fair, as the body count rises, the cliches fall one by one - if you ain't curious to find out just what is going on as the film slowly unwinds, it's time to stop going to the movies altogether.
The film's title refers to the seven deadly sins - especially deadly in this case, since our resident maniac is picking sinners off one by one. Set in an ugly city whose annual rainfall is so extreme even the Yorkshire water board could fill the reservoirs, the two detectives (Pitt and Freeman) equip themselves with unreliable torches in order to provide the only source of illumination in the crime rooms - the privatised Yorkshire electricity board must set the power prices. Old hand Freeman manages to deduce a serial killer is at work from only one murder - impressive - and the chase is on.
I say chase, but much of the film moves slowly, with as much investigation taking place in the local library as on the streets. Director Fincher, filming in his already trademark brown and cream, provides a brooding, oppressive atmosphere which the characters almost have to wade through in order to prevent themselves seizing up from depression. Yet wade they do, and both leads turn in top - Oscar worthy? - performances, giving the film a sympathetic centre round which the brief glimpses of extreme brutality discovered at the crime scenes sit. The shocks are few, perfectly timed and are shocking.
The real star of this is first time screenwriter Kevin Andrew Walker, who must have provided enough convention in the early pages of his script to get the Hollywood bosses interested before working his magic. The net result is a true rarity - a thriller which is actually trying to say something, and succeeds in provoking thought. And if at the end you don't agree with what is being said, you can console yourself with wondering when was the last time that you thought that after a cop movie.
Starring: Ed Burns, Jennifer Aniston, Cameron Diaz, Maxine Bahns
Directed by: Ed Burns
If you thought that The Brothers McMullen was an overrated piece of nonsense, wait till you see this. Still concerning feuding brothers in the Big Apple and their tortured love lives, a grafted on beautiful - and talented - cast desparately try to disguise a truly appalling script.
This is the ultimate idiot movie - every single character would give Jim Carrey or Jeff Daniels a run for their money. One obnoxious brother is married to stunning sweet Jennifer Aniston, but only stunning megabitch Diaz can get his rocks off. The megabitch is the ex-fiance of his other brother, who has just got married 24 hours after meeting Maxine Bahns.
Every joke is a misfire, scene after screne is painfully obvious, devoid of believable dialogue or observation, and the characters are all dislikable in one way or other - with this lot, there's no way you could care how they end up. The only thing going for it is that attractive cast, and Jennifer Aniston must have a movie career ahead of her. But please, five minutes of the most formulaic episode of "Friends" has more insight and humour - and even believability for crying out loud - than this.
She's the One is low budget, but once and for all shows that just because a film has kudos credantials, doesn't mean to say it's any good. Sorry Ed - nothing personal, but stick to acting someone elses scripts, please.
Starring: Geoffrey Rush, Noah Taylor & John Gielgud
Directed by: Scott Hicks
It's a well known fact that if an actor wants to go for an Oscar, reaching into the disabled bag is a solid, reliable way to go. The problem is that films such as Rain Man have been not so satisfying as a whole - it's difficult to avoid the showcase tag. But it is here that Shine shines - a moving, powerful and even occasionally funny tale of a mentally disabled, brilliant, pianist.
It opens with the man (Rush) wandering into an after-hours cafe, and he appears to be another victim of a Care In The Communiy project gone wrong. But in flashback we see his story, a child prodigy brought up in a strict Jewish family. His father teaches him with an iron - yet caring - hand, but is unable to deal with the success that begins to follow. "The boy should stay at home with his family".
The leading role, inspired by a real pianist, is shared between three actors - child, adolescent (Taylor) and adult, and all three are excellent. Director Hicks works wonders with the camera to hide the non-playing abilities of the two younger performers without it being too obvious, but lingers lovingly on Rush - for this man can play. Boy can he play, and together with his affecting emotional portrayal gives what has to be not only a groundbreaking performance that shoots him to international recognition, but also what will surely end up being the highlight of his career - roles like this don't come every day. If the Academy dares to look at a low budget Aussie film, then it may as well not bother to check out any other movies at all this time around.
Though the film tugs at the heart strings and the last third may not quite have the edge of the first two, it never degenerates into sloppy emotionalism. This is a first rate film which has deservedly won awards just about everywhere it has been shown. Yup, shine it does.
Starring Campbell Scott, Bridget Fonda, Matt Dillon, Kyra Sedgewick and Sheila Kelly
Directed by Cameron Crowe
This is a gem. A classic. A film whose tone is as perfect as it is unusual - hitting bullseye after bullseye in providing small nuggets of recognition, truth, wit and charm. Director/screenwriter Crowe has, after this and his debut Say Anything, confirmed that if he isn't actually God, then he at least must know his e.mail address.
This is not so much a story as a series of intertwining tales concerning a series of single twentysomething friends in Seattle. The film opens as Sedgewick meets and instantly falls for a charming European, who is about to leave America. After only a few excruciating minutes of puppy-dog affection, she discovers that, quelle surprise, he's a sleazeball out for a quick shag, which puts paid to her naievity for good. Possibly.
From this point on, this is a collection of scenes, moments and situations which fight for each other to achieve "favourite bit" status. Dillion is hilarious as a vain and talentless grunge singer, Fonda fights to remain dignified whilst being besotted with him beyond belief, Scott gets Sedgewick pregnant despite sterility running in the family, and Kelly "devours men in the same way as others consume food". Yet for all the choice moments, the real skill is the way that these characters talk and act like real people, and not cliched stereotypes. We know these people.
Immersed in mundane coffee shop discussions and multi-decibel grunge gigs, the film oozes atmosphere in a gloriously unpretentious manner. As Gregory's Girl hit the reality mark in comprehensive school adolescence, this does the same in coming to terms with getting old - over twenty - against your will. One of the greatest movies of the nineties from one of the most talented - if least prolific - directors.
Six Degrees Of Separation ** (Short Review)
Starring:Stockard Channing, Donald Sutherland and Will Smith
Directed by:Fred Schipisi
Tedious and literal play adaption with intriguing premise - a just-mugged victim (Smith) turns up a Big Apple socialite families' apartment, claiming to be Sidney Poitier's son.
Too cerebal for it's own good, film is finally sunk by styalised performances and a screenplay which belong - and then only just - on the stage. If the first half hour was cut in half, add half a star.
Starring: Hugh Grant, Tara Fitzgerald, Sam Neill and Elle McPhearson
Directed by: John Duigan
Won't-be-shocked-cleric Grant and wife Fitzgerald are dispatched to 20's Oz to put controversial artist Neill to rights, but are challenged by his and his model's lifestyle.
Sexy and with a good deal of humour, this avoids the obvious cliches. Much flesh for the FHM brigade, but - cleverly - feminist sensibilites appeal to the Cosmo readers too. Duigan's third after the excellent Year My Voice Broke and Flirting.
Starring Harrison Ford, Anne Heche & David Schwimmer
Directed by Ivan Reitman
It's funny how technology quickly becomes common place - welcome to the latest entirely computer generated film. Well alright, computer generated script. Heche and Schwimmer go to tropical island paradise to get engaged. Lovely. Mid holiday, yuppie Heche has to pop back to Tahiti for 12 hours on business, but the plane carrying only her and the care-free pilot (Ford) crashes onto another, uninhabited tropical island during a storm. Press F1 for character conflict, F2 for hair-raising scrapes, F3 for conflict resolution and just press "save" for the ending.
So okay, is it entertaining nevertheless? Well, partly. The combination of Ford and some choice moments of dialogue prevent the film from ever actually getting too dull, and it remains watchable in a brain-in-neutral kind of way. But Heche never quite manages to overcome the modern-day-cliche that is her character, the plot degenerates into a cartoon and the direction is most bizarre. If nothing else, look out for the world's most powerful and shake-free binoculars, and an escape sequence which features Ford and Heche on a beach, up a mountain, and back on the same beach intercut with the pursuers having moved 10 yards. The biggest laugh in the film, but you have to be there..
The much trumpeted chemistry between Ford and Heche is conspicuous by its absence, which in the final analysis proves a great loss. You simply don't really care a great deal whether they end up together, which certainly is on the template of this particular genre. By no means an awful film, it is nevertheless hard not to get the feeling that there must be better films-also-starring-the-cast-of-Friends to spend your hard-earned cash on. Aren't there?
Starring: Kevin Bacon, Robert De Niro, Dustin Hoffman & Brad Pitt
Directed by: Barry Levinson
DVD Review ****
It has to be said that the cinema going public must have had a popcorn-bucket load of "I was buggerd in jail" dramas recently. Sleepers is actually an "I was buggerd in reform school" - which is close in anyone's book - but take my word for it, it really is worth parting with the readies to give the formula one last shot.
Adapted by Levinson from a "true" story (written "autobigraphically" by Lorenzo Carcaterra), the film tells of four young teenage Brooklyn boys, who despite having climbed the first rung into organised crime, are alternately charming and mischaevous - as no doubt are many groups of teenage Brooklyn boys. However, one prank goes disasterously wrong, resulting in the uninentional death of a bystander. The four are found guilty, and are duly sent away, whereupon they learn that not all those in charge are as wholesome as the PFC would like to believe.
Most of the story then takes place many years later, after a chance encounter with one of the wardens lands them in more trouble. Hereafter taking that most conventional of all genres - the courtroom drama - the extraordinary power of this story transforms it by giving the whole procedure a secondary ulterior motive (which I don't want to spoil by revealing). It is, to use an age old phrase, gripping stuff.
The performances are uniformally excellent - Dustin Hoffman's bumbling alcoholic lawyer could have got out of hand, but the sure and steady arm of Levinson keeps it enjoyably - rather than irritatingly - quirky. Indeed, this is a tour de force from Levinson - the nearly two and a half hours running time flies by as he condenses the elements contained in the broad scope of the story faithfully but succinctly, and with big bulging bags simply stuffed full of style.
It is - allegedly - all true which, let's be honest, is a bit of a stretch. But it is a guaranteed discussion starter, and it explores the time honored themes of anger, revenge and the loss of innocence. These are not new ideas, but this is a film that, for once, at least does them justice.
Starring: Gwynneth Paltrow, John Hannah, John Lynch & Jeanne Tripplehorn
Directed by: Peter Howitt
Big sigh of relief - at last a 1998 British-made film that works. And it's a clever one at that. Like so many good romantic comedies, this asks just the one question - "what if I'd just missed the train/plane/bus, and THAT never happened?"
We all have our own THATs, and Gwynneth Paltrow's is discovering her scumbag but much loved boyfriend in bed with his mistress. So through the wonderful gift of cinema, the film shows us two alternatives played out - in one, a small kid blocks her way and she misses her tube train, in another his mother drags him out of the way and she just gets it. Lovely.
This is a well crafted example of fine storytelling. As we cut between the two Gwynneths, there is very little confusion as to which is which, using the simple device of getting the "dumped" Gwynneth a radical new haircut - entirely in character. If the film has a weakness, it is that the dialogue is often lacklustre or a tad unconvincing - with a bit more sharpness and a few belly laughs, this could have been a Groundhog Day classic.
Nevertheless, the performances (Paltrow's only slightly wandering London accent aside), direction from Bread's Howitt and story are first rate, and the clever ending(s) is/are quite excellent. So go see a decent bit of commercial filmmaking, and enjoy London looking the pretty cool city that it is for once. Or in this case, twice.
Small Soldiers (short review) ***
Starring: Kirsten Dunst & featuring the voice of Tommy Lee Jones
Directed by Joe Dante
Missed opportunity of a movie, Small Soldiers suffers from small mindedness - artificial intelligence war chips have been put into toys, who take over a suburban neighbourhood. Great premise let down by a lacklustre script and uninteresting characters, whom a talent cast can do little to bring to life. Good effects from ILM.
Starring Nicolas Cage & Gary Sinise
Directed by Brian De Palma
He just can't stop himself. Not content with the awesome 7 minute-long opening shot in Bonfire Of The Vanities, De Palma here doubles that length as we join Nicolas Cage for one eventful night at a big time boxing match. Director's ego aside, Snake Eyes is a better film than Vanities fortunately. Although all things are relative...
The film blasts into life the moment that the Secretary of Defense, a bruiser fan apparently, is shot dead in the audience during the fight. Fellow cops Cage and Sinise, the latter in charge of security and having shot the sniper dead, have to unravel what went wrong. And unravel they do, since all is not as it appears. As it never is.
The best aspect of this is that the whole thing takes place over one night, adding a welcome sense of realism and tension to the inquiry. Sinise is good as ever, and Cage fun and over the top as ever, while De Palma allows plenty of visual flair to spice up David "Jurassic Park" Koepp's script. This makes up for the fact that it becomes increasingly formulaic as it goes on.
But it's the film's third act that is the big surprise (don't worry - no plot points given away). Having overlooked several contrivances and conveniences as the story unfolds, the last 20 minutes are some of the unintentionally funniest you will ever had the sheer joy of sitting through, when Cage's performance loses it completely, along with any kind of sense, and we get to witness a stunt so preposterous, you'll be picking off your popcorn from the hair of the bod in front. Snake Eyes is not so much a film that goes of the rails, as just plain explodes on the track.
Wiping the tears of mirth from your eyes, it becomes clear that this is a real wasted opportunity. There was an enjoyably tense thriller here, struggling to get out. But then again, it has to be said that that film wouldn't have been nearly as much fun.
Starring: Dustin Hoffman, Sharon Stone & Samuel L Jackson
Directed by: Barry Levinson
DVD Review *****
Forty minutes in, and things look good. A team of meet-and-greeters have been despatched to an underwater spaceship, discovered at the bottom of the Pacific and thought to have crashed 300 years ago. That's ages, so no need to meet and greet you'd think, but happily for the plot clever scientists have detected signs of something inside. As events unfold, there are a number of fine early twists, and - though the cast exhibit implausibly little or no fear at every strange turn - things are intriguing.
Then the titular sphere is discoverd, but a more appropriate geometric figure would be a pear - that's the shape of the plot from here on in. "Pear" - good title. I don't like revealing too much story beyond the early set-up, but in this case it is beacause I didn't understand any of it. Actually, that's not strictly true - by the end, you do have an idea of what was meant to be going on, but it doesn't make the slightest bit of sense. Rarely has so much money been thrown at such a bizarre hotchpotch of ideas.
It's kind of frustrating to see, becasue some - not all - of the stuff from Michael Chricton's novel is good. But director Levinson must share blame with both him and the screenwriters for letting thing go so far off the rails.
As for the performances, well no-one seems to try too hard. Hoffman mumbles as usual, Sharon "look ma, I'm acting" Stone's butch alter ego is less than convincing and Samuel L Jackson doesn't exactly seem stretched. It's the unreality of the characters' reactions to the increasingly bizarre events which sinks the film the most.
All in all, another disappointing entry into the big budget sci-fi cannon. The Abyss, for all its flaws, was more coherant and far more engaging than this.
Starring: Casper Van Diem and Dina Meyer
Directed by: Paul Verhoeven
DVD Review ****
Sex and violence are two of the most powerful and effective tools available to a filmmaker. They are Paul Verhoeven's absolute favourites, so it is doubly unfortunate that he's never bothered to learn how to use them. Were Verhoeven a carpenter, his idea of carving a statue out of a block of wood would be to smash the hell out of it with a hammer for 2 hours.
So by his standards, Starship Troopers is restrained. By his standards. Coming off the back of the sensationally derided Showgirls, Columbia must have decided that the thing to get the Dutchman back on track was to give him lots more money. He chose to spend half on digital and mechanical effects, and the other half on gore, and both are up there on the screen. It goes without saying that none went on the cast (Beverly Hills 90210 in space is an excellent description) and none went on script (not so much a plot with structure as a sprawling mess of guns, goo and germ-free adolescence). The two come together to create characters so one dimensional it's technically impressive that they're caught on camera at all.
Basically, the entire 2hr 10min story is that humans have to kill huge arachnid bugs that suck humans' brains out - but I never could work out who'd been done and who hadn't. Those effects look flawless (from the God-like Phil Tippett), the occasional interactive newsreels that break up the narrative border on original thinking, and there are heaps of unintentional laughs to ease the boredom.
"Sounds alright", you're thinking - "is it fun, then"? Well, it's alternately too frought with realistic dismemberment and a total lack of tension to qualify as any regular definition of "fun". But one man's tedium is another man's blast, I guess.
Incidentally, there is a school of thought which says that the whole film is a big joke at America's expense: that the militarisation of values is ironic satire. I don't believe a word of it. That's the 90's joker card played when the film is awful - you try to persuade people it is ironically awful. All Verhoeven can bring to the dumb script is no subtlety and the same visually bland, plastic sheen he covered Total Recall with nine years ago. That film had a great story before he machetied it - at least this has none. Bad as this is, at least no-one should care.
Star Trek: First Contact **** (Short Review)
Starring: Patrick Stewart, James Cromwell, Brent Spiner
Directed by: Jonathan Frakes
Fun, safe, even numbered instalment is first without Kirk & cronies - story invloves the evil, relentless Borgs who have taken over dear old planet Earth. Enterprise crew member Frakes gives us nice effects and a pleasing sense of having a right old laugh.
Star Wars: Special Edition *****
Starring: Mark Hammil, Harrison Ford & Carrie Fisher
Directed by: George Lucas
Article: George and Me
The incredible thing about the phenomenon of Star Wars second time around is that it is without precident. If a twenty year old film had been re-released in 1977, the year of Star Wars' original release, it would have been originally made in 1957 - a preposterous idea.
So how well does it all stand up in seen-it-done-that 1997? Amazingly well is the answer. The story is still superb, if still straightforwardly and engagingly naive. The original effects are still magnificent and very stylish on the big screen - although it may be true that they are no longer original. The acting is much better than you'd expect, with Harrison Ford in particualar looking like he's having some fun. And the majority of the script survives, particularly after the first half hour.
As for the new embelishments, these are more of a mixed success. Many new creatures scream "computer generated" at you, and actually manage to be less convincing than a 1977 elephant with a rug thrown over it. Also - and quite inexplicably - the few cheap looking shots over the Death Star have been left in. But the Jabba The Hut scene (never in the original) and an extra bit with Skywalker's friend Biggs are worth seeing.
It all doesn't amount to a great deal though - it's still just plain old Star Wars. Plain old best film of all time. To see it again on the big screen - in all it's huge glory - puts a lump in the throat. Not least because no film will ever again have the groundbreaking impact that this film did in 1977. To that extent, the been-there-seen-it-done-it 90's do have a bearing on proceedings.
Starring: Georgina Cates, Prunella Scales, Peter Ustinov, Samuel West, Sean Pertwee & Brian Glover
Directed by: Gary Sinyor
Great gosh a mighty, if ever there was a timely movie, then Stiff Upper Lips is it. The old spoof genre is getting pretty familiar and tired now, but British period drama is exactly what spoof was invented for - it does take itself terribly seriously. Excellent.
And we have here just about every Forster/Austen cliche that you could ever wish for. Scales is desperate to get niece Cates into an impossibly bosom enhancing corset and married off to a suitable toff as soon as possible. Of course, Cates falls for rugged peasant Pertwee instead and besides, the anally retentive, poet quoting, Robert Portal is far more attracted to her idiot brother (West) anyway. So they all travel the world, with Cates positively demanding her sexual awakening from anyone within a croquet mallet's throwing distance.
As is customary for these things, not all of it works. In this case the sight gags are the weak link, and most of them are crammed into the first fifteen minutes, making for a rocky opening. But then director Sinyor (Leon The Pig Farmer) settles into his stride, ably assisted by a superb cast - Scales, West and especially the late Glover (as Pertwee's Father) excel. "Never forget", Glover warns his dangerous book-reading peasant son, "You're the scum of the earth".
It begins to drag on a bit in India, and a bigger budget would have made things look more appropriately sumptuous (and maybe have provided poor Cates with some make up). But with nice parodies of Ghandi, Room With A View and Chariots of Fire stirred into the mix, there's lots to laugh at most of the time. Much more than, say, Austen Powers. But with a target this enormous, I suppose it would be hard not to hit for much of the time...
Starring: Ralph Fiennes, Angela Bassett and Juliette Lewis
Directed by: Kathryn Bigelow
It's the second to last day of the second millenia, and Los Angeles is going through a right old how's your father. The preparations for the big party are hampered by not so much a crime wave as a crime tsunami - with Ralph Feinnes in front surfing his way to the bar. He deals in something illegal called The Wire - a kind of virtual reality headset and recorder, which records all the senses of the wearer. You too can thus enjoy all the thrills of armed robbery, now with an absolute minimum of flesh wounds.
He occupies that difficult-to-define place between a scumbag and mere lowlife - in other words he's a crook not quite crooked enough to deal in the illegal "snuff" discs where the wearer dies. However, he finds himself on the recieving end of some very dodgy stuff, which has something to do with Faith (Lewis), an old flame and now grunge singer. Somebody's up to now good, and - on the wrong side of the law - it's up to him and close buddy Basset to find out what.
Penned by James Cameron (Terminator creator and ex-hubby of she-man Bigelow), this is bleak and loud, featuring a posse of unlikeable weasels which Basset alone stands above. Director Bigelow proves (again) that she can be as much one of the lads as the next man, and provides more than enough gruesome violence for anybody. One rape/murder scene, witnessed in the first person through the eyes of the perpetrator is very disturbing indeed, and is included simply to generate controversy and thus hype. Actually seeing it serves no dramatic function that could bave been better achieved by suggestion, and it's a worrying thought imagining sickos watching this at home on video with the remote control.
The story is intriguing, but doesn't quite explore its possibilities well enough or populate them with characters which are interesting enough. On the other hand, the stunts and effects are good, and the billion-strong street party really looks the business. So if you like your movies and females loud, brash and laddish, then join the party.
Featuring the voices of Jack Palance, John Cleese and Steven Wright
Directed by Richard Rich
Disney have for so long ruled the world of animation that any other pretender is on to an uphill struggle from the first cell. The efforts of Don Bluth and others have done little to help address the problem, so this delighful bundle of fun from Richard Rich comes as something of a major surprise.
The son and daughter of neighbouring lands are thrown together at a tender age to bond and eventally join in both matrimony and country, so they can get on with the serious business of lowering taxes. Initially at loggerheads, the pairs' hormones kick in, spelling true love for Princess Odette, but wouldn't you know it, only true lust for Prince, er, Derek. Soon Odette is captured by an evil sorcerer, who puts her under a spell - Swan by day and princess by night with a prevailing wind and some moonlight. Shaking Prince Derek (Derek??) to his senses, he has to find her and get engaged before the magician claims her for his own...
After you get over the intial problem of some very static - in other words cheap - crowd scenes, the humour, strong songs, pace, story-telling and general joie-de-vive draws you in. If young children can cope with some gratuitous snogging (errrrr!!!!), there are plenty of good charcters to laugh at and cheer for, including the Cleese voiced French frog - is it now obligitary to have the humerous Parisian sidekick? - and the perfectly cast dour comedian Steven Wright breathing life into a turtle.
Althouh technically way behind the Mickey Mouse lads, they have at least clearly grasped the even more important skill of story-telling. In the wake of the less than classic Pocahontas, this injects a breath of fresh air in to the cartoon world and is as good a way as any to keep the little blighters happy for eighty minutes.
Starring: Jon Favreau & Vince Vaughn
Directed by: Doug Liman
Ultra low budget meandering tale of love-lost stand up comic and friends in LA. Some very nice moments (the Vegas casino scene is lovely), but unappealing characters, the lack of plot and almost unbelievably bad camerawork let the side down.
All reviews / articles copyright Guy Rowland (1998).