Punch magazine published many Fox Hunting stories, poems,
quotations and jokes.
24.2.09 A story for all who write up meets for newsletters.
The Private Reflections of a Conscientious Fox.
As they might occur to him, if - as being a highly-intelligent animal, is not so very improbable after all - he should happen to be a constant reader of the admirable -"Hunting " notes in "The Daily Telegraph."
Must be up and doing before long. Plorn hounds meet in this wood today "by invitation." Whose invitation? I'm sure I never asked 'em! They are going to make, what the clever gentleman who describes all the runs so picturesquely in The Daily Telegraph would call a "raid". Why "raid"? Always thought raiding was my job. But he must know best. I do admire his style. Wonder how he'll describe the weather. WIll he call this a "wild stormy day that bodes none too promising," or merely mention that "the wind is spiced with abnormal harshness"? Shall I gather that "hounds have again to grapple with an extremely bad scent"? All I can say is that, if so, they can't blame me. If they find it disagreeable, they needn't run after it . . .
Can hear hounds whimpering. Expect I shall be what the D.T. gentleman calls "unkennelled" before long.
Queer word that, "unkennelled." A sportsman with all his experience cannot be confusing a fox with a hound, I suppose? But no - it's sure to be correct. If I don't live in a kennel, I ought to, that's all. Hope he'll be out today, and write something pleasant about me. He can be rather severe on some foxes. Called one "craven" the other day, and said he tried to "shirk his obligations." If he wrote that of me, I don't think I should ever hold up my brush again. But what are my "obligations" exactly?
The D.T. gentleman, I know likes a fox to "accept his mission cheerfully." Only I wasn't aware that I had any mission. And if I have, I shan't get time to make any converts. Then he'll expect me to be "full of courage." One fox whom he mentions with approval "stood in front of hounds for just over two hours." Afraid I should never have courage enough for that. At same time, from other remarks of his, can't help thinking he would rather I ran away. Very puzzling to know what I really ought to do. . .
Point settled for me. Hounds have, as the DT sportsman will probably put it, "got me quickly on the move," and are "pushing me away." I am out in the open now. Getting across a field: I would "traverse" it instead, if I knew how it's done - only I don't. Hounds some distance in rear, but "working," to do them justice, "with marked perseverance." My business is to "lead the chase," and act as their "pilot." A heavy responsibility. I do hope I shan't run them into any difficulties! If I took 'em across the railway line just when a train was coming up, the D.T. gentleman might be nasty about it next day. Will make - I mean "shape my course" - for Pounders Hill, and endeavour to "carry a bold front" over it. Am bold enough in front - but not so sure about the brush end of me. I will "hie on . . . "
Still "hie-ing on." I suppose this is what the D.T. sportsman will call "a merry twenty minutes." Hope he is near enough to notice that I am "one of the right stamp," and am "enabling the hounds to credit themselves with a rousing hunt." They are hunting very prettily, I will say that for them; but mere prettiness is apt to pall after a time. Have had enough of it already . . .
Drop into Slinksby's Spinney. Find another fox there - luckily a fellow I know, and one of the best. Would he mind taking the hounds on for a bit till I get my wind back? Such a pity to spoil their sport just as they're getting so keen. He says "All right - he's game to give 'em a 'jaunt' for a few minutes." He does . . .
Capital view of run from edge ofspinney. My substitute has shown them the way over a brook, which (as I trust D.T. sportsman will not forget to record) is "taking its usual toll." He may be paying the toll himself, for all I know.
"Things," as he would put it, "are going uncommonly brightly, hounds giving a most praiseworthy display and running with rare determination and self-reliance." So is my poor friend - with too much self-reliance, indeed. Can't make out from where I am whether he is "rolled," "bowled," or "toppled" over, or simply "pulled down" - but evidently hounds have "closed his existence." Well, well, he will have a kindly obituary notice in the D.T. to-morrow - if its representative is out of the brook - and what more can he want? . . .
Hounds will probably be "ringing back" here shortly. Better not wait for them. Will follow the example of one of the D.T.'s foxes, and "go to ground in a rabbit warren." Tight squeeze getting in. Occasion what the D.T. gentleman calls a "flutter" and "brief scurries," - only he refers to horses, not rabbits. Explain to residents that this is not a business visit. Lie low and make myself agreeable, till informed by elderly and highly nervous rabbit that "bolting" is going on above. He offers, most obligingly, to show me out by back way. Mustn't forget, if spared, to call on him to-morrow. N.B. Elderly - but plump. . . .
"Set going" once more. "Quick response" from hounds. Must "harden my heart," and try at least to "furnish them with a spin" before I am run down. I think the D.T. representative will admit that I am "yielding a very enjoyable hunt." Hounds behind me seem to be "keeping the fun well sustained" and "making light of obstacles." They are certainly "pushing me smartly along."
Fancy the field is "reduced to a vanishing point," as I shall be presently unless I'm jolly careful. Hope the D.T. gentleman hasn't taken a toss. Should like him to be in at the finish. Then he could describe it in his own inimitable manner. Like this: "The old warrior sustained a lot more punishment before being toppled over dead-beat in the open." That's an epitaph any fox might feel proud of! I do hope he won't remark, as he did in one case, that I am "carrying anything but a bloom on my coat." Don't like personalities - and besides, "De mortuis," &c.
The thing that is worrying me most - at present - is what sort of finish I shall get. I mean, shall I be "handsomely killed," "polished off," or "grimly dealt with"? Not quite clear what the distinction is, but must say I don't relish the idea of being "grimly dealt with." Sounds so very unpleasant. . . .
It may be only my fancy, but it strikes me I've "run the hounds out of scent." Most inconsiderate of me! They're not in sight anyhow. Ought I to allow 'em time to come up. Seems only polite, after all the trouble I've given them. And then, there's the D.T. representative - should be sorry to forfeit his good opinion. He might give me such a good notice! On the other hand, if he did, I should never see it. And there's an earth close by that's uncommonly handy. I think, perhaps, I'd better be "getting in." . . .
I have. Regret to disappoint the Plorn pack - for whom I have the highest respect, and particularly the D.T. gentleman. But his "Hunting" notes will be more interesting than ever to-morrow morning.
A Hunting Crop.
"Within half an hour a dog fox fell a victim. The crop was
presented to Master Cazalet." -
Devon and Exeter Gazette"
Yes, but who got the gizzard?