There is an old player called Cotty
Who has a notorious botty
His real name is Simon
He plays like Bill Wyman
But he has got a very hard shot(ty)

The midfield general is Brads
Works do on a Thursday's his fad
His shorts are too tight
His left foot is shite
But his work on the pitch makes us glad

The man at the back is called Rick
Not known for his delicate flicks
He gets on your nerves
With his foot that is curved
like strange fruit on an exotic picnic.

Now let's not forget about Dun_can
A.K.A. the elephant man
When the barmaid at Pitz
Said are those really zits
He replied no I've been hit by a van. (I'm hideous)

Now Scott has taken to the gym
This decision was not just a whim
It calms down his anger
When subbed due to a clanger
But he still screams "PUT ME ON FOR SLIM !"

The ex-manager's name is Rob
Some say he's a footballing God
He still likes a sup
But when he throws up
He looks like an epileptic dog.

Now there is a player called Slim
Who's body is not quite in trim
He's as quick as a tortoise
His physique's like a walrus
His control is decidedly grim

Bakes is our regular Statto
He is bulky rather than fat(to)
He's soft to the touch
With a warm hairy crutch
And a penis instead of a twat(to)

The boy wonder is known as Chris Stakes
His injuries are always a fake
But above all
He resembles Stuart Hall
And his bell end smells like a hake

Damon Hill is the name of the team
At football we're not quite the cream
Always finish third
We can't pull the birds
We're as sexy as Mr Bean.

Rob Medford 1997