The Slim "own goal" Scandal
Sometimes there's a fine line between an own goal and a deflection and sometimes that fine line acts as a fuse to the rage of even a battle-scarred vereran of the Damon Hill Five such as Slim. We've heard arguments from many quarters but now let's here from the man himself.
On Thursday 20th September, during a vital relegation dogfight between the Damons & TIJ, an important but unfortunate precedent was set. Simon Slimmy Slimboy - known amongst his devoted fans as "the slimster" - scored was can only be described as a wonder goal !! Using his boundless energy, athletic build & the rather useful speed wobble he had built up, Slim beat a defender to the ball & from the most acute of acute angle (King Cute of the Cute People would of been impressed) he managed to confuse the keeper by cunningly shooting straight at him and MADE the ball deflect into the goal."great goal slim" !! the Damons shouted, "good running" they cried.
This made Slim feel good. Not for many a season, possibly years, had he got that many - and he pushed for 5!!!! After the game was won & the action was being dissected by the top footballing brains in the country - ie Dunc, Scotty & Rick - came one of the most bizarre comments ever to have passed a Damons' lips, "could by classed as an o.g. that" said Dunc, "yer" agreed Bakes!!!!! Never before in the colourful history of the Hillites had such treachery been whispered. Slim, still trying breathe & see through his sweat, was in so much shock at these comments that a mere dismissal of such lunacy seemed all that was necessary, and he went home to bathe.....
Matter closed, goals mine, "4 in the bag!" was the cry that dawn heard as slim triumphantly piled through the front door back at esher drive where a celebrational stella or two was downed along with two, yes two, jammy wagon wheels were consumed. then (in his absence) the black clouds of the committee gathered with hushed e-mails in secret corridors sent. the final sentence being handed down in the car on the way to the united v ipswich match. a terrible place for such vital news to be received. "It might encourage people to shoot more" was the statement made as to why the goal should not stand. "CRAZY CRAZY CRAZY & again CRAZY" !!! Slim cried.
So finally this is an appeal to the "committee" not to let this nonsense cloud our wonderful club but stick to the democratic virtues we all love & honour when we pull on that blessed shirt, in other words "give us the goal or i'll won't hold your stuff when i'm a sub"!! Please don't make me carry out this threat, steer clear of lies, damn lies & statistics.
So what do you think? Do we give it to him? Watch this space for the verdict