Damon Hill have shocked the football world by announcing that they are pulling out of this year's FA Cup competition in favour of a weekend tour to York on 27th November. Brads, the tour organiser, was understandably taciturn when questioned about the decision. However, the club has issued a press conference. In this they state that "The Damon Hill 5 football club feel that, by entering the York Kickabout-Followed-by-a-Piss-Up Tournament, England's chances of hosting the 2006 world cup will be greatly enhanced." The statement goes on to say "The club was placed in a difficult position by both the Football Association and the Government. The management and players are disappointed but there is no guarantee that Damon Hill would have made it to the final of the FA Cup, or even past the third round."

Football insiders reacted angrily to the team's move. Alan Shearer told reporters "Damon Hill's withdrawal from the FA cup is a big blow. The revenue that a cup fixture against them generates is vital to small, struggling clubs like Newcastle." Kevin Keegan, in an emotional outburst, stated that "When teams like Damon Hill do something like that, they go down in my estimation. I'll tell you this, they've got to go to York and get something and I would luv it if they stay sober, I'd luv it!"

When asked whether Damon's commercial manager, Rick, should consider resigning, Arsenal defender Tony Adams seemed to say "He ought". However, this may be Adams simply uttering the sound "ee-aw" which he learned at donkey school. The tour takes in a match with Kel's Mates, a local side with an interesting pedigree, not to mention a curious Guinness. Interestingly, Damon Hill may be recalling long-time absentees Cot and Chris to join them on this excursion.