We have learnt that relaxation is an ideal way of getting over the effects of stress and in further pages of this series I will try and teach you the basics of stress and relaxation.  I will cover the concepts of the 'fight or flight' response and the relaxation response and how to elicit the latter, including the use of biofeedback.  In some ways this is a case of 'shutting the gate after the horse has bolted.'  In other words it may be better to not get stressed in the first place. 

We will therefore continue by briefly looking at how to interrupt the process between Stressor and Stress by (A) changing the way you think and (B) learning new skills.  In (A) this would include changes involved in the debilitating emotions of anger, anxiety, shame, guilt and depression, together with the self-destructive thought processes of "Type A Behaviour" and "Care Giver Burnout".  In (B) the skills would include
assertiveness, time management and problem solving.  All these are available in depth to my one to one clients and students in the classes I run.

As suggested on the previous page we are going to start by looking at some of the other available stressor coping skills and their place in the overall picture. This part of the website is going to provide an overview of various methods of coping with
stressors, identifying those that are most useful, including those in (A) and (B) above, and showing in passing how they fit together. 


Remember our stress equation:

In order to be truly effective the coping strategy needs to either change the stressor, the way we think about it, or stress itself. Any intervention between stress and
disease is not as effective.  Likewise any coper that just provides a diversion is
unlikely to help long term.

As a starting point I'm going to make use of ideas that I obtained many years ago.  I'm not even sure that the company that produced them is still around but in case they are  the last address I had for them is shown below.

The strategies shown below have been developed and adapted from the 'Pile Up Cards' produced by Whole Person Associates, PO Box 3151, Duluth, Mn55803, USA.  These were themselves adapted from the "Stress Kit" and developed by Nancy and Donald Tubsing for the "Aid Association for Lutherans."  The cards are used in the form of a game to help people get used to the idea of multiple coping strategies and their relative effectiveness.

Below you will find a list of negative and positive copers followed by a short critical
appraisal of each of them to the formula I have already suggested.

All of the negative copers will act as a diversion while you hope the problem (stressor) goes away.  In a small number of cases it may but in the majority of cases it leaves you to sort it out at a later date or even worse escalates into an even bigger problem.
Take this into account with all the following.

ALCOHOL - drink to change your mood.  Use alcohol as your friend.
In moderation alcohol can reduce stress to some extent but if taken to excess, as is usually the case if it is your main stress reduction strategy, it will cause severe problems with your health and relationships.  It's far better to use the more positive coping strategies.

DENIAL - pretend nothing is wrong.  Lie.  Ignore the problem.
Doesn't work because although there is a very slight chance the problem may just go away, in general it won't, leaving you to sort it out at a later date or even worse when it escalates into an even bigger problem.

DRUGS - abuse coffee/aspirin/medications.  Smoke pot.  Pop pills.
Can help to mask the problem but does not sort it out.  Can lead to addiction and ill health.

EATING - keep bingeing.  Go on a diet.  Use food to console yourself.
All of these can act as a diversion but long term will lead to obesity/critically low weight and health problems.

FAULT FINDING - have a judgmental attitude.  Complain.  Criticise. 
Finding fault with yourself is just an excuse for not sorting out the stressor and producing change in yourself.  Finding fault with others, complaining and criticising is a diversion and will not help you to network and improve your relationships.

ILLNESS - develop headaches/nervous stomach/major illnesses/accident proneness.
Can be used as a way of avoiding the problem i.e. taking time off work or using it as an excuse for your behaviour.  Leads to illness addiction and secondary gains i.e.
attention, time off work/in bed, sympathy etc. 

INDULGING - stay up late.  Sleep in.  Buy on impulse.  Waste time.
I used to do this.  Every time a got stressed I'd go and buy something, usually a musical instrument of some sort most of which I  never learned to play.  Leads to poverty and clutter.  Far better to tackle the problem.

PASSIVITY - hope it gets better.  Procrastinate.  Wait for a lucky break.
This is covered by the general point made at the top of the page.

REVENGE - get even.  Be sarcastic.  Talk mean.
Doesn't sort out the problem.  Only provides temporary relief and can lead to retaliation by the other party.

STUBBORNNESS - be rigid.  Demand your way.  Refuse to be wrong.
Leads to a lack of friends and an increase in your stressors.  Far better to face the problems and your fallibility as a human being and negotiate.  (See later pages).

TANTRUMS - yell, mope, pout, swear, drive recklessly. 
Come on, own up.  How many of you do this.  It may feel good at the time and provide slight relief from your self induced fight or flight response but it doesn't solve the problem and can lead you into even bigger problems, road rage for example.  Don't forget if you behave this way enough it may escalate and become an automatic
response which will be difficult to get rid of.
 
TOBACCO - smoke to relieve tension, smoke to be "in". 
May feel good and provide a slight diversion but does tremendous harm to your body.  Doesn't solve the problem.

WITHDRAWAL - avoid the situation.  Skip school or work.  Keep your feelings to yourself.  Does not sort out the problem, which may escalate and leads to other problems i.e. getting the sack, being expelled etc.

WORRYING - fret over things.  Imagine the worst. 
Doesn't solve the problem of itself.  We have a "worry" culture in our society that
expects us to "be worried" about everything that happens to us.  Although it may be right to "be concerned", concern generally leads to problem solving - worry leads to ill health.

CLICK HERE FOR THE POSITIVE COPERS.

Copyright © Derek Webster 2003