HARBO DARLO BULLETIN Harbo Darlo up in smoke Since the introduction of the smoking ban, there have been a few changes at Harbo Darlo - particularly to Lance's drinking and footballing habits. First he's not going to the recently-refurbished The Sportsman and "beer at home" means Ireland's as well as Davenport's. So there's no British SuperLeague this season and not even Darlo will win it this year. Lance is still going to games. Well, more eccentrically, he's going to games but not actually going to the game. He'll be at the pre-match pub and then get the train home at 3pm. For the Rotherham match, because it kicked off early, he didn't leave until after the match had finished. Then again, I went to the game, but my train was cancelled but I caught the earlier train which was running late but still earlier than mine but it eventually arrived on time for the train that didn't run. And you wonder why Lance stopped coming to matches? 7-0 to Ireland LANCE HITS A MILESTONE AND TACKLES THE MODERN GAME (FROM BEHIND) 1938 saw Hitler annexe Poland and Darlington finish 19th in Division 3 North. (I suppose the only bonus, for Darlington supporters, was that Hartlepool finished 20th.) It was also a bad year for my mother, as I was born! Like most boys, I grew up with a love for football and yearned for the day when I would be leading the Villa attack. However, it wasn’t to be and spent my adult years either playing amateur football or being paid under the counter. When I started playing you could charge the keeper, tackle from behind and you didn’t have substitutes. The referees also used common sense, for the most part, in their decisions. You also played in all kinds of conditions. In fact a game was only abandoned if the fog was too thick! You ploughed through the snow, skated on the ice and if their was water on the pitch - so what! You just had to get on with it. The only chance of getting sent off was by real physical violence or telling the referee what you thought of him. Look at the game now! Players booked, even though they won the ball with their tackle. Sent off, for a tap on the cheek. [In fact, it would not surprise me, if they eventually make it a non-contact game!] Game off, because of snow, ice or a bit of water on the pitch. It used to be a game for all seasons and now they just seem to want perfect playing conditions. Recently I had a drink with Ray, in Selby, and we both agreed that the modern game isn’t really our cup of tea (Were you really drinking tea? Ed). Let’s face it, football is supposed to be a physical game and the sooner that the FA and FIFA realise this, then perhaps we can see some proper football matches. The various stages in the decline of the game that I once loved include: 1] Abolition of the maximum wage. 2] Not allowing a goalkeeper to be charged. 3] Introduction of substitutes. 4] Changing the rules to try and make it a game for forwards only. 5] The amount of foreign players imported and also how cheating has spread into the game. 6] Taking common sense away from the referees. I doubt if modern followers of football will agree with me but that is how a lot of my generation view it. Bring back the bad old days when footballers were footballers and could hand it out as well as take it and referees had a sense of humour, as well as using some common sense, when coming to a decision! By the way, things got better for The Quakers in 1939. We finished 18th! Blame BT! If we don’t go up this season, then blame Brummie Tony! Yes! Mr. Jinx has struck twice this season. Whilst having a drink with the lads, before the Notts County game, Steve told me that BT had been to two games this season. The first was at Hereford and we lost 1-5. The second was at Wrexham and we lost 0-2. Two games, zero points, one goal for and seven goals against. Anything to say in your defence BT? Obviously he wasn’t at the Brentford game, on Saturday, as we won 3-1! The (very) final HarboDarlo British League Table Darlington (C) 46 68 +33 Dunfermline Ath 46 58 +14 Rangers 46 55 +12 Aston Villa 46 55 +9 West Brom Albion 46 53 +15 Colchester Utd 46 52 +17 Doncaster Rovers 46 51 +9 Hartlepool Utd 46 51 +5 Preston NE 46 50 +3 Sunderland 46 49 +3 Birmingham City 46 49 +2 Albion Rovers 46 48 +13 Manchester Utd 46 47 0 Walsall 46 46 +5 Cowdenbeath 46 42 +10 Newcastle Utd 46 40 -10 Wolves 46 40 -15 Northampton Town 46 39 -14 Coventry City 46 39 -18 Chelsea 46 38 -11 Arsenal 46 37 0 Tottenham H 46 32 -26 Brentford 46 32 -28 Torquay Utd 46 29 -28 Lance's Rules Two points for a win and one point for a draw. (William McGregor rules)  Matches must kick off at 3pm on a Saturday. (Apart from genuine mid-week games}  Sides not playing on a Saturday get awarded one goal. Darlo pre-season goals are in the bank, in case I need to use them. (That's how we beat Man. Utd 1-0)  All Premier sides do not get a goal for the opening game of the season, because they kick off a week after proper footer starts.  In order that Premier teams can get 45 of the 46 results, the first 9 results of any of their cup games will count.  And the main rule is that I can cheat if I feel like it!! Thanks, folks! Steve Duffy took me by surprise, during the half-time interval at the Northampton game, when he presented me an award (pictured above), on behalf of the DAFTS. I was left speechless, for once, which must have pleased everybody present! I felt honoured to receive it, on behalf of all those at The Sportsman, who have donated to various DAFTS and Trust ventures in aid of our club. Thanks. once more, to all of you.

The Black Country bard The end is nigh for Harbo Darlo.... When I formed Harbo-Darlo, our main pubs were The Plough and The Sportsman. Then The Plough went up-market and our home was just The Sportsman. Now The Sportsman has closed for two weeks, to also go up-market. When it re-opens, it will be turned mainly into an eatery with little choice of beer. [Not that there was much choice anyway!] It will also be non-smoking! That means that I will not be using it again and that it looks like the end of Harbo-Darlo. It was fun, while it lasted, and the regulars have often contributed to Darlington causes. It is surprising how many people, in the pub and at work, know the Darlington result. Some have even seen Darlo play but very few have seen us win! LANCE IRELAND on how a part of Birmingham will always be "forever Darlo" - Harbo-Darlo. About the most used word in Harborne is "Darlo." Even people who have never followed soccer can tell me the latest Darlington result..(last season it was usually followed by "They're not doing very well, are they?") I formed Harbo-Darlo in 1998 and Marco Gabbiadini was so impressed that he immediately signed for Darlington! At first there was only "Cat Aston" and myself but membership steadily grew. I think that people really warmed to the club, when they heard that I had nearly been ejected from the ground, on my first visit to Feethams for 40 years. (In my ignorance, I had lit up a cigarette in the East Stand...) Other advantages are that there is no membership fee and that I hand out Darlo lighters, pens and other goodies from the club shop. Most of our trips are to local grounds. Harbo-Darlo have had days out at Shrewsbury, Cheltenham and Kidderminster. As the last results were 0-1, 0-0 and 0-0, some of our members have yet to see Darlo score. However, those who made the trip to Feethams, for the Exeter game, saw us draw 1-1. In fact I am the only member who has seen Darlington win, so far! But there are some successes. Darlington won the British Super League and British Super Cup for the third year running The Sportsman's Inn's own in-pub Fantasy League. But I must admit that I run it!! A privilege and honour I would like to thank the Supporters' Club for the privilege and honour that they bestowed upon me before the game, when they gave me an award and a bottle of champagne, for my efforts in promoting the name of Darlington Football Club. I can think of quite a few people who were more deserving of the award than myself. It is true that I have raised funds for the DAFTS and the Supporters' Trust. But this has been thanks mainly to the lovely Lorraine, who uses all her charms on the lads in the pub and manages to get money off them. I have also spent quite a bit in the souvenir shop, in the eight seasons that I have followed the club. The regulars in The Sportsman follow the fortunes of Darlington, with interest and some even attend the odd match. I think it was one of my better decisions, in life, when I swapped the Villa for the Darlo. Harbo Darlo Awards 2005-2006   The ceremony was held, in the Banqueting Hall, at Kendal Hotel, Harborne, but I was the only one to turn up. Player of the Season Anthony Peacock. Which is a coincidence, as I also sponsored him. He received an imaginary solid gold cup and an imaginary bottle of champagne. Ryan Valentine was runner-up and received an imaginary bottle of brown ale. Away Player of the Season David McGurk. Well he was at York City nearly all the season! He received an imaginary solid silver cup and an imaginary bottle of champagne. Class Player Shelton Martis. Let us hope that he stays with us. Absolutely wonderful, when he moved to the centre of defence. Awarded an imaginary silver tankard. Best Loan Player Kyle Lafferty. If we could have kept him, for the rest of the season, we might have got automatic promotion, let alone make a play-off place. After he left, we hit a very bad patch. Awarded an imaginary silver tankard. Best Manager David Hodgson, for leading Darlington to their eighth successive British Super League Title. Awarded an imaginary solid gold cup and an imaginary bottle of Champagne. Best Home Performance Against Mansfield Town. Best Away Performance Against Barnsley, in the F.A. Cup. Also in the reckoning was the gritty performance against Wycombe. Worst Home Performance Oxford United and they got relegated! Worst Away Performance Shrewsbury. Just a bit worse than our performance against Kidderminster. Best Goal Neil Wainwright, with that last minute strike, against Torquay. It just shaded that great own goal by the Bury defender. Awarded an imaginary golden boot. Worst Journey And did I have a few! Has to be Shrewsbury. It took me over eight hours to get home, including a four-hour stay on a freezing Wolverhampton station and a bus breaking down in Brum. I could have walked it, as nearly as quick. Awarded a blanket, a hot water bottle and a hot whisky. Mr Jinx of the Season Has to be Brummie Tony. He rarely sees us win! Travel with him and you know that your train will arrive late!. Tells you of shortcuts that don’t exist! Stay clear of him! You have been warned! Awarded a canal, of his own choice, to jump in to. Organiser of the Season Tony Waters. Has fixed up some great weekends, for the gathering of the DAFTS. So, clever-clogs, you can organise your own award and pay for it out of the housekeeping! [But don’t let Lesley catch you!] Best Bearded Photographer Ted Blair but only with the help of his camera. Awarded an imaginary bottle of Liddle’s Special Ale. Best Song "Me And My Pussy Cat!" Words by Cat Darlo. Music pinched from, "Me and my Teddy Bear!" Luckiest Team Chelsea. They not only just avoided relegation, from The Premiership, they also managed to avoid playing Darlington. This not only saved them from receiving a lesson, in how to play football, but also saved them from a very heavy defeat! Most Chased After Men Ray Waters and myself. Two young and handsome men, also known liars! Women chase after us because we pinch their handbags! Awarded a mirror each, so they can see what they look like! Under The Thumb Neil Johnson - ‘nuff said! Awarded an apron. Happiest Supporter Harry Johnson. Can see no wrong, with the lads in black and white hoops! Awarded Life Membership to the Glenn Naylor Fan Club. Live in Hope Award Steve Duffy. He awaits, in vain, for me to write something sensible and for Darlington and Villa to do the double! Maybe next time, Steve! Awarded an extended stay in Cardiff. So, with The Harbo-Darlo Awards having been presented, the season comes to a close. Have a good summer and I hope to see you all again next season. Don’t miss it! This is when Darlington set a new record, as they get 138 points from their 46 League games, scoring 230 goals and conceding 5 goals. They also win the LDV Cup, League Cup and the FA Cup.

Lance gets the bird Feathers were flying at the Darlington Supporters' Club player of the season night, with a turn-out by DAFTS, Harbo Darlo and special guest "Smokey Joe Crow." Lance - Rod Hull-like - brought along his friend, to entertain the odd table and make a few childen cry.... As to the awards, Shelton Martis won player of the year, Ryan Valentine got the gong for away fans' player of the year. Photos: Andy Smith/Steve Duffy.

Harbo Darlo committee President Matt Murphy Vice President "Smokey" Joe Crow Chairman Charlie Bear Treasurer Richard Perry Press officer Lance Ireland Archivist Peter Inbar Lorraine is our Foreign Ambassador to Holland. She goes over nearly every week, spreading the word about Darlington. So we must have a huge fan club over there by now! (Bring back Tom Kaak!). She usually skips the game to go shopping when on Darlo trips, so has a proud record of Wins: None, Shoes: 40 pairs. Honorary members' roll (BLT with a pinch of salt): Rhonda Flemming; Doris Day; Johnny Cash; Savo Milosevic; Hans Hoffmibeer; Cyrille Regis; Neil Johnson; Allison Turnbull; Clint Eastwood; Eartha Kitt; Bugs Bunny; Joy N. Desperre; Minnie Sota; Ruth London; Molly Ireland; Ryan Devogel; David Hodgson; Brian Little; Peter Bodak; Ian Butterworth; Claire Crawford; Steve Duffy; Gary Tradsoc and Neil Tradsoc. Afilliated members' roll (Ham and blue cheese): Gail Tiltonlass; Jonathan Blue; Dougie Bourne and Brian Trueblue Neil Johnson (above) with the runner-up in the Harborne heat of the Eli Woods Look-alike Contest, while Harbo Darlo member Gary Shaw looks for an excuse to miss Saturday's Darlo thriller.

Membership Amongst our celebrity members is Gary Shaw, the former Aston Villa striker and an ex-PFA Young Player of the Year. (That's him pictured, sadly the only time he wore a Darlo shirt!) If you want to wind him up, just mention the name "David Geddis" and let him know how many medals he won in his career! Others include Bobby Thompson (ex-Wolves, Villa and Blues - pictured below with Lance), Ian "Chico" Hamilton (ex-Villa) Tony Morley (ex-Villa), Peter Bodak (ex-Coventry) and even Lee Dixon (Arsenal and England) joined up when he passed through. There are a few others as well, as I make any ex-player I meet a Harbo-Darlo member! Members roll (Corn beef & brown sauce): Matt Murray; Richard Perry; John Bray; Beccy Green; Ivan McCannich; Lance Ireland; John Lennon; Katie Bannister; Louise Penny; Karen Starbuck; Gina Hayles; Marie Punch; Kerry Ireland; Onzie Babby; Tracey De Villa; Peter Fox-Villa; Keith R. Gue; Bob Villain; Bill Sufferemall; Tony Toffeeman; Phil Thejap; Kathy Green; Sandy Delasports; Amanda Devogel; Annabel Faulkes; Dick Latreenz; Lorraine Drinker; Peter Inbar; Sheila Barr; Joolz Tandy; Hank Watchetmate; Fran Carpeting; Danny Sunday; Alan Brown; Gordon Gaffer; Charlie Bear; Little Brian; Lisa Fletcher; Christine Buchanan; Jim Drysdale; Patti Wilby; Pat Goldcup; "Smokey" Joe Crow; Amrik Holiday; Gary Shaw; Lee Dixon; Kevin Chadbone; Steve Oggy; Mac Throstle; "Cat" Darlo; Farmer Trist; Darroch Bagshaw; Tina Bluecoat; Brian Sunday; Bobby Thomson; Tony Morley; Peter McParland; Anna Drink and Dave Grimwood.

Sheikh a leg

A DAFTS WEEKENDER took place around the Hereford home match (Sat March 17th 2007), including visits to the Darlington Beer Festival and a curry banquet on the Friday evening.

In an odd cultural mix, Lance - dressed in Arab headgear - joined in Morris dancing at the Spring Thing Beer and Folk Festival at Darlington Arts Centre on St Patrick's Day! "The Fake Sheikh" had something of the look of Obi Wan Kenobi about him. Thanks to Tony Waters and Karim for organising the special curry banquet at the Spice Garden in town.

"Goodbye Feethams"
(To the tune "Goodbye Dolly Gray")

Goodbye Feethams, I must leave you.
Though it breaks my heart to have to go.
For the Darlo they are leaving,
And at the new ground I must show.

Feethams hear the crowd a’cheering?
And though we now have to part,
I’ll tell you this, mighty Feethams,
You will always be in my heart.

And so it’s farewell to you Feethams’
And as we say our sad goodbye,
I’ll tell you this Mighty Feethams,
I shall love you until I die.

BRUMMIE TONY GETS PEACE & QUIET

Long-suffering Brummie Tony (and the other passengers) finally got some peace and quiet the other week when Lance nodded off on the train.

Lance - or The Jinx as he's known to Brummie Tony, and most of us - rarely gets any shut eye and rarely sees Darlo win.

If he happens to be asleep on your train on the way to a game - don't forget, please don't wake him up....

Football through the ages

Football historians have only ever really covered the latter days of the game. So that children and supporters can have full knowledge about the development of the game, I have gone back to the early years.

Football has been played, ever since man could walk. It all started in the prehistoric age, when caves were used as goals and small boulders used as footballs.

At that stage of the games development, there were no pitch measurements. Matches lasted as long as daylight allowed and as long as at least there was one opponent on the field of play. However, most matches didn’t last very long, as heading the ball caused a lot of fatalities. All games were played on a Saturday, as that was when their wives went shopping and the time that dinosaurs tended to sleep.

The Ice Age did not stop the desire for men wanting to play the game. Unlike today’s wimps, a bit of snow and ice didn’t stop them from getting stuck in on a Saturday. But there was a notable increase in broken limbs. As the ice melted, the players found themselves having to play on quagmires. This prevented the smooth flow of the boulders and most games tended to be played in the centre-circle. Crowds started to dwindle, as people got tired of watching boring goal less draws.

Then one day, a man who had been trying to make a balloon from a bladder, threw it away, as it would not float in the sky. It bounced on to the pitch and all the players looked in awe at it. This simple act of chance was going to revolutionise the game. Games now became faster and cave-keepers, that hadn’t had a save to make for years, found themselves having to bring of spectacular saves, to protect their caves.

But civilisation was moving on and soon little hamlets were appearing. People started to have fields in which to grow their crops. One footballer noticed that one field always lay fallow for a year. He suggested that they use that as the football pitch. What are we going to use as caves he was asked? He couldn’t answer that question. He sat out in his back garden, drinking his mead, when he noticed his wife hanging out the washing. Much to his wife’s dismay, he threw the washing off the line, uprooted the poles and took them to the field. He then erected the first ever set of goal posts. He then got a friend to erect another set at the far end of the field. The field was 130 yards by 100 yards and even today the field of play cannot be more than that.

The word soon got round to other hamlets and football pitches were now appearing everywhere. Someone then suggested that the hamlets should play each other in friendly matches. However, as some hamlets had 50 or more men and some only 12, the games tended to be a bit one-sided. There was also a lot of arguing and bad feeling coming into the game, as players disputed goals being allowed or disallowed. This in turn led to bitter rivalry between local hamlets that still even exists today.

A meeting was held and it was agreed that there should be a referee from a neutral hamlet and that any side could have no more than eleven players. It was at this time that a man had come up with the idea of leather casing for the bladder. There had been many games abandoned due to the teams running out of bladders, because they had all burst. Another problem that now arose from having a neutral referee was that he couldn’t tell one side from the other, as all the players wore the same clothes. This, once again, caused players to give referees an ear bashing, as they complained about decisions that he had given in error.

A woman spectator enquired why didn’t each side wear different coloured tops? The men looked at each other and wondered why they hadn’t thought of that idea.

So now the game was now becoming more like the game we see today. Sometimes, up to 50 spectators would see their teams in action. If there was only one spectator watching, he was allowed to bring his dog. But players still hadn’t yet learnt the arts of diving or posing.

The foreign influence on our game was still yet to come!

Identity theft - fresh concern

We suppose every club has one. A Lance that is. We were a bit surprised to see the one at Notts County featured in the programme though. His name was Ralph and he looked the spitting image of ours, except he's obviously not such a jinx on their team. There are quite a few more Lance look-alikes around, including one who became quite famous as Mick Jones of The Clash. Then, let's not forget, Stockton's own king of the comedy stooge, Eli Woods, who like Lance has been associated with the odd stuttering performance..

E-mail: Harbo-Darlo

A corner to Darlington!

A TINY piece of Birmingham will always belong to the North-East - at shrines devoted to Darlington Football Club in two city pubs, writes Poppy Brady.

Soccer-mad Lance Ireland has his own corner full of Darlington FC treasures at The Sportsman pub in Harborne and another over the road at The Plough.

HARBO DARLO HQ: Lance in his element in The Sportsman. From the Birmingham Evening Mail

Lance, who was born in the Black Country, hardly ever misses a match with his beloved team from Co Durham and travels all over Britain to watch them. Currently the Quakers are struggling at 17th in Division Three.

He now has more than 100 fans in both pubs who belong to the unique HarboDarlo Fan Club, which he founded four years ago.

Lance, who spent 19 years in the Army, said: "I was a Villa supporter for 60 years, but I got sick of all the Premiership wrangles, so I decided to go back to grassroots football.

"I first watched Darlington play when I was stationed at Catterick Garrison in the North-East more than 40 years ago. They beat Chelsea 4-1 in the FA Cup. Now loads of people in both pubs have started to follow Darlo. I try to see the team about 18 times a season and I spend a fortune on train fares."

David Crawford, landlord of The Sportsman, in Metchley Lane, added: "It's amazing, but Darlington have now got a real following here. "On a Saturday night, once everyone has asked about Villa and Blues, the next question is how did Darlo do? "There's as much celebration in here when they do well as if they were a Birmingham-based club!".

HQ and flying the flag

Lance can usually be found at the Harbo Darlo HQ - The Sportsman pub in Harborne (below), where there is a Darlo "shrine".

You may also see him flying the flag. He took delivery of an unwanted gift - a Colombian flag bought with great haste before the premature departure of Faustino Asprilla - and turned it into the Harbo-Darlo flag. Harborne had never flown its own ensign - now it's all a flutter!

The flag usually follows Lance around, and it spent one winter in Australia! The Harbo-Darlo flag went Down Under to the Test with a couple of regulars from The Sportsman's...!

Harborne and beyond

The "Harborne Run" in Birmingham is a well-known local pub crawl, attractive to rugger buggers, stag and hen parties, but it's a brave one that stops at The Sportsman!

Other pubs worth trying in the "village" include the White Horse, just off the High Street, with some good real ales on - usually at least three guests on. And also The Bell, Old Church Rd, Harborne.

You can also get decent curries at the excellent Malabar, upstairs at 103a Harborne High Street, and also the Harborne Tandoori, 10 South Street off High Street. While the Bristol Road in nearby Selly Oak is a Balti delight.

There are also some good city centre pub suggestions on the Birmingham CAMRA site, with The Anchor Inn 308 Bradford St, corner of Rea St, Digbeth near the coach station, The Old Joint Stock, a Fullers' pub at 4 Temple Row, opposite St Philip's cathedral, and The Wellington, with its excellent selection of Black Country real ales and Bennett's, both found on Bennett's Hill off New Street. There is also The Toad in Hurst Street, for its footie screens.

My favourite is a little out of the city centre, closer to Villa Park, The Bartons Arms (144 High Street, Aston) on the A34.

A fabulous looking "heritage" pub, restored to its Victorian splendour inside and out, with eight real ales, mostly the house brew Oakhams, with an excellentl Thai menu.

On-line guides to Brum include Itchy Birmingham