A bit more
humour!
(incase you've had enough of insults)
In the true spirit of a united europe.....
There was a
Frenchman, an Englishman and Claudia Schiffer sitting
together in a carriage in a
train going through Provence.
Suddenly the
train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style
train, there were no lights in
the carriages and it went completely
dark. Then there was a kissing
noise and the sound of a really loud
slap. When the train came out
of the tunnel, Claudia Schiffer and the
Englishman were sitting as if
nothing had happened and the Frenchman
had his hand against his face
as he had been slapped there.
The Frenchman
was thinking: 'The English fella must have kissed
Claudia Schiffer and she missed
him and slapped me instead.'
Claudia
Schiffer was thinking: 'The French guy must have tried to
kiss me and actually kissed the
Englishman and got slapped for it.'
And the
Englishman was thinking: 'Absolutely brilliant! Next
time
the train goes through a tunnel
I'll make another kissing noise and
slap the French twat again.'
A DoG cALLeD *SeX*
Everybody i know who has a dog usually calls him *rover* or *spot*..i
called mine *sex*..now
sex has been very embarrassing to me..when I went to the city
hall to renew the dog's license for sex..i told the clerk i'd
like a license for sex..he said.. "i would like to
have one too!"..then i said.. "she is a dog!!"..he
said he didnt care what she looked like..i said.. "you don't
understand..i had sex since i was 9 years old."..he replied..
"you must have been quite a strong boy."
When i decided to get married..i
told the minister that i would like to have sex at the wedding..he
told me to wait until after the wedding was over..i said.. "but
sex has played a big part in my life and my life revolves around
sex." ..he said he didn't want to hear about my personal
life and would not marry us in his church..i told him everybody
would like having sex at
the wedding..the next day..we
were married at the justice of peace.. my family is barred from
the church then on.. when my wife and i went on our honeymoon..i
took the dog with me..when we checked into the motel, i told the
clerk that i wanted a room for me and my wife and a special room
for sex..he said every room in the motel is a place for sex..i
said.. "you don't understand..sex keeps me awake at night.."..the
clerk said.. "me too!" one day i entered sex in a
contest..but before the competition began..sex ran away..another
contestant asked me why i was just looking around..i told him
that i was going to have sex in the contest..he said that i
should have sold my own tickets.. you don't understand!!"..i
said.."i hoped to have sex on TV!!".. he called me a
show off.. when my wife and i seperated..we went to court
to fight for custody of the dog..i said.. "your honor..i had
sex before i was married..but sex left me after i was married.."..
the judge said.. "me too!!" last night..sex ran off
again..i spent hours looking all over for her..a cop came over
and asked me what i was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the
morning..i said.. "i'm looking for sex..".. my case
comes up next thursday.. well..now i have been thrown in
jail..been divorced..and had more damn troubles with that dog
than i ever foresaw..why..just the other day when i went for my
first session with my psychiatrist..she asked me.. "what
seems to be the trouble?"..i replied.. "sex has been my
best friend all of my life..but now it has left me forever..i
couldn't live any longer..so lonely.."..and the doctor said..
"look mister..you should understand sex isn't a man's best
friend..so get yourself a dog.."
A blonde
A blonde had
just gotten a new sports car and was out for a drive when
she accidentally cut off a truck
driver. He motioned for her to pull
over. When she did, he got
out of his truck and pulled a piece of chalk
from his pocket. He drew a
circle on the side of the road and gruffly
commanded the blonde "stand
in that circle and DON'T MOVE!. He then
went to her car and cut up her
leather seats. When he turned around she
had a slight grin on her face, so
he said "Oh you think that's funny?
Watch this!" He gets a
baseball bat out of his truck and breaks every
window in her car. When he
turns and looks at her she has a smile on
her face. He is getting
really mad. He gets his knife back out and
slices all her tyres. Now
she's laughing. The truck driver is really
starting to lose it. He goes
back to his truck and gets a can of gas,
pours it on her car and sets it on
fire. He turns around and she is
laughing so hard she is about to
fall down. "What's so funny?" the
truck driver asked the blonde.
She replied, "Every time you weren't
looking, I stepped outside the
circle!"
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