4 or 5 Magicians
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 I'm In The Band Forever On The Edge Behind Each Others backs Out Of My Hands Form An Orderly Queue Your Ficticious Character Is This Your Ideal Man? Nice Little Earner Change The Record Oh! Darwin Preaching To The Conversed I'M IN THE BAND You're in the crowd and I'm in the band You are a clown, and I am the man You aren't allowed and I am 'cause you're in the crowd and I'm in the band I'm in the band You're on the floor and I'm on the stage You're really poor and twice my age You earn in a year my weekly wage 'cause you're on the floor and I'm on the stage 'cause I'm in the band I'm in the band I'm in the baaaaaaaaand You're in the crowd, I'm in the band You are a clown and I am the man You aren't allowed and I am 'cause you're in the crowd and I'm in the band I'm in the band I'm in the band I'm in the baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand You made your choice and I made mine You chose to live while I picked die You think I've got it all, but you can't understand 'cause you're in the crowd and I'm in the band I'm in the band I'm in the baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand I'm in the band FOREVER ON THE EDGE I wasted my youth playing cricket, pinned all my hopes on a lottery ticket That'll teach me, no-one else did Well they tried you know but I didn't, I knew more than that bunch of idiots Ohhh what an idiot, what do I know? Well not a lot but I always thought enough I'll hope for the smooth but I'll get through the rough I guess I have and I probably always will I'm doing alright but still I'm only scraping by Tesco value 'til I die Forever on the edge Sainsbury's basics 'til I'm dead I'm wasting my time in a band, pinning all my hopes upon getting signed Well it could happen, some idiot might sign us Well I want them to but they won't - we don't sound like anyone else around at the moment What a bunch of idiots, what do they know? Well not a lot but I gotta hope enough Someone out there's gotta like our stuff! Cos we're the best band that exist Let's get some A+Rses kissed I'm only scraping by Tesco value 'til I die Forever on the edge Sainsbury's basics 'til I'm dead BEHIND EACH OTHERS BACKS For a while now, I've been thinking that my group of friends is shrinking I don't see them, they don't see me, I've forgotten what it's like to be me But I remember a time when everybody was my best friend Where did they all get to? And how long until they get you? Cynicism is widening the gap And people disappear right off the map Tell me how I'm meant to know exactly how to act When everybody goes behind each others backs For a while now, I've been thinking, that the world around me is sinking People aren't how they used to be, nothing here's like it used to be But there's a future if we want one, if we want one, we've got one But we have to preserve it, if we don't then we don't deserve it Cynicism is widening the gap And people disappear right off the map Tell me how I'm meant to know exactly how to act When everybody goes behind each others backs OUT OF MY HANDS You're 23, that's the same age as me But in your mind you're already 30 and in mine I'm still 13 Well who's the fool? Is it me? Or is it you? You've all grown up way too soon, and I'm still clinging to my youth Well it's time for the kid to tell the man the truth You're not up to much, your foot slipped off the clutch Now you're out of gear, drifting in neutral to nowhere You could turn back, and you want my help with that Well please try to understand that this is out of my hands It's out of my hands Remember school? I'm sure you used to be cool I never listened and neither did you Well opinions change, but mine have always stayed the same I just wish that yours hadn't have been taken away But I guess you only ever had mine anyway You're not up to much, your foot slipped off the clutch Now you're out of gear, drifting in neutral to nowhere You could turn back, and you want my help with that Well please try to understand that this is out of my hands Time to think why you never met me for that drink And as the months blur into one, you wonder what you could have done different Now you've got your wife, now you're banged up for life In your semi-detatched house and your dead end career Send the same postcard from your holiday every year You're not up to much, your foot slipped off the clutch Now you're out of gear, drifting in neutral to nowhere You could turn back, and you want my help with that Well please try to understand that this is out of my hands It's out of my hands FORM AN ORDERLY QUEUE Dancing over there - big round eyes and dark brown hair Me over here - air guitaring and spilling my beer You aren't aware of me or just how much I care Even when you're near, even when I make it oh so clear that I want everyone to form an orderly queue behind you This is my last chance to dance If only I knew in advance That you were just about to leave How much of a coward can I be? This isn't fair, it doesn't appear as though I have a prayer What can I do? What will it take to get through to you? Why do I care when there's girls just like you everywhere? I know that's true, but there's just something about you I want everyone to form an orderly queue behind you This is my last chance to dance If only I knew in advance That you were just about to leave How much of a coward can I be? I want everyone to form an orderly queue behind you YOUR FICTITIOUS CHARACTER I'm impatient as the next guy and he's already gone I think I might have to follow him on Your fictitious character, your mean demeanour I'm gonna regret this but I have to leave ya I must be mad I'm as clueless as the next guy and he don't have a clue But it doesn't take a genius, just a moderate IQ To see through your front, your stabs in my back Your fictitious character, I want it back I must be mad What a fool I've been, what a fool I am I think I must love you 'cause I don't even like you I've never met anyone anything like you I can't see myself with anyone but you I think I must love you, I must be mad IS THIS YOUR IDEAL MAN ? He wouldn't say boo to a goose But he would say cunt to a nun He wouldn't dare dice with your dad But he wouldn't think twice with your mum He wouldn't do anything to hurt you But he wouldn't even care if he did because He says that he doesn't deserve you But if you're happy with him then he does Is this your ideal man? He looks like the singer from Duran Duran But you're not Rio dancing on the sand Is this your ideal man? He's got more lolly than an ice cream van Still people wonder what you see in him He's never ever there when you want But there never is a time that you don't All he ever wants is sex But there never is a time that you won't He never ever listens when you talk And he doesn't have anything to say You think he's wrapped around your little finger But you never get it your own way Is this your ideal man? Other girls galore since you and he began Ten used condoms in his garbage can Is this your ideal man? He's got more lolly than an ice cream van Still people wonder what you see in him Everyone's a little bit hazy But some are just fucking insane Everyone's a little bit crazy But some just haven't got a brain Everyone's got a dark side But some are just blacker than black Everyone's gonna ask why you never just turned your back Is this your ideal man? For breakfast, hash browns and diazepam Takes more fairy dust than Peter Pan Is this your ideal man? He's got more lolly than an ice cream van Still people wonder what you see in him What you see in him / Why you're seeing him NICE LITTLE EARNER LEND ME A TENNER! LEND ME A TENNER! Nice little earner in your back pocket You know it's wrong but you just can't stop it They're gonna catch you if you don't drop it But oh the profit! the profit! Laughing all the way to the bank Signing autographs on cheques that are blank Plenty more left in the tank Plenty more left in the tank Economic disregard Just put it on your credit card Nice little earner in your back pocket Notes spilling out of your wallet Floating shares in your own little bubble But you're going to pop it! to pop it! Laughing all the way to the bank But crying all the way back What until Tuesday was gold, on Wednesday turned black And Thursday you got the sack Economic disregard Just put it on your credit card Lend me a tenner never see me again CHANGE THE RECORD Wakey wakey everyone, set the radio to stun, this is your new number one I better wakey wake up first, this head of dreams is fit to burst If it does could that be worse, would all my dreams be in reverse in a world where boys and girls like bands less for their songs than their haircut? What can I do, I'll just soldier on through, I've tried my best not to care, but... I've had enough I'm totally bored Change the record I can't take any more I've resorted to listening to Radio 4 Change the record I can't take any more Wakey wakey everyone, the second verse has now begun, do I have your attention? Listen up to me today, listen to everything I say Even though it's all just throwaway Way over your heads, you're too stupid to get my edgy alternative rock songs Well if you think you do, well the joke's on you, they're just empty derivative pop songs I've had enough I'm totally bored Change the record I can't take any more I've resorted to listening to Radio 4 Change the record I can't take any more I'VE RESORTED TO LISTENING TO RADIO 4! CHANGE THE RECORD I CAN'T TAKE ANY MORE! I've had enough I'm totally bored Change the record I can't take any more I've resorted to listening to Radio 4 Change the record I can't take any more Wakey wakey everyone, set the radio to stun, this is your new number one OH! DARWIN On the origin of species I'd like to offer a correction To present to you my findings And announce my defection Cast your disbelieving eye over This immaculate conception To favour fact over fiction Is the natural selection The descent of man from apes The world's gone bananas! Step aside garden of Eden The pleasure's all Ghana's Would you Adam and Eve it? The unholiest of dramas Heresy's in fashion Throw the pious to the pirhanas The new faithless hordes stand to applaud The perceived triumph of science over fraud Oh Darwin hell is thy reward For the perceived triumph of science over fraud To 'On The Origin Of Species' I'd like to offer my objection To present to you my feelings On this infidel's collection Cast my disapproving eye over This insipid insurrection And trust in faith over fact And thus eternal protection The descent of man from apes It may be so, but I can cope As there's the craftsmanship of God In an orangutan's lope You have resignation While I have hope You follow Darwin I'm with The Pope The new faithless hordes stand to applaud The perceived triumph of science over fraud Oh Darwin hell is thy reward For the perceived triumph of science over fraud I'll remain an agnostic Til the day I'm deceased But that won't stop me celebrating Christmas and Easter I'm a scientist as soon as I get up on a Monday But I praise the Lord for Friday evening, Saturday, and Sunday The new faithless hordes stand to applaud The perceived triumph of science over fraud Oh Darwin hell is thy reward For the perceived triumph of science over fraud PREACHING TO THE CONVERSED You look mean in green and in red you're so pleasin' But they're so last season And Alexa said it would be suicide You may as well just commit suicide Guaranteed haute corpse-ture Don't get shirty, I'm only teasin' But that shirt is tantamount to fashion treason Apparently You must approach fashion transparently Am I up to speed? I'm not sure... The high street is your cote d'or Topman your independent record store You have no idea that Sonic Youth is a band You think The Ramones is a clothing brand Dress for success and then jostle for position Yeah I look a mess but I'm a struggling musician You all must look the same and thus the same you must all listen Preaching to the Conversed, my impossible mission All your friends say vote green, but aren't the reds the best? Well your parents contest The red ones are in disarray You'll probably vote blue anyway That's your favourite colour Don't get angry I'm only joking But what's the point in voting When you don't know what you're voting for? Does no-one read the paper any more? Read the paper?!? What could be duller? Obama is your new Che Guevara Scouting For Girls are your new Nirvana You've written "Free Tibet" on the back of your hand But you think that Tibet is a part of Iran You think the Dalai Lama is the King of Japan! Yes, I confess, that I'm no great politician But at least I possess a process approaching cognition You all must think the same and thus the same you must all listen Preaching to the Conversed, my impossible mission If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, and I feel like I'm beaten So take me for a Big Mac so I can taste the defeat And now we are the same and the same we will listen Preaching to the Conversed, my impossible mission
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