Verse and Worse

Question

I'm not really clear
If I should write here.
My talent's so weak
That the outlook's quite bleak
For sustained verse.
I might do worse
Than be one of those
Who stay stuck in prose.

My rhyme isn't so bad,
Which is why it's sad
That it's come to the attention
Of the Geneva Convention
Whose main closing argument
was Cruel and Unjust Punshiment!

Hallowe'en

It's Hallowe'en
But I won't be seen
B'twixt tree
And roaring fire
At the witching hour.

It's not for me
That urge to see
The pumpkin carven.
Lit with a candle inside -
Demonic grin wide.

I'll never dress
To greater excess
Or outlandishly.
So this night you may presume
My normal costume.

So if I'm not
Going to be out
In the dark cold night
Trick-treating, I'll stay instead
Home under the bed!

I'se god a code

I'se god a code.
My nose's in runny mode,
My eyes are sore.
Don't want to work any more.
I'se god a code.

I'se god a code.
It's too much of a load!
My head it aches,
While my body shakes!
I'se god a code.

I'se god a code.
I'm all off of my food.
And I'll go puce
Drinking more orange juice!
I'se god a code.

I'se god a code.
I'm hot then I'm so code.
But there is more!
My throat feels really raw.
I'se god a code.

I'se god a code.
So I wrote you this ode.
Almost weeping
For a lack of sleeping.
I'se god a code.

Sniff.

Hector

My Hector is a teddy bear,
He's soft and warm and cuddly.
His head pressed tight against my hair
Feels oh so nice and snuggly.
In the dark of night he's strong and brave,
When I'm a-feared it's me he'll save.
He's a little stout, not tall at all, it's true,
But threaten me, and he'll be very fierce with you.
All bears are really wise, and Hector too
It's no surprise, knows a thing, or two.
In my despair
He's always there.
If I need more
He'll give his paw
In comfort
And support.
He rests his head
In my own bed.
For I am sure
He does not snore.
A simple toy
To bring me joy,
I wouldn't have it another way.
My secrets, day by day,
He accepts without a wink,
In fact he doesn't even blink.
It isn't easy to out-stare
Hector - my teddy bear.

Rain

A brilliant white flash
And a deafening crash
As the clouds decanted above me.
Sluicing over the slates,
It accellerates
Through gutters, down beams,
Making puddles, streams.
Then with no warning
It ceases pouring
Leaving a rainbow
Arching all a-glow.
Now the clouds are long gone above me
There's deafening silence
For brilliant science.

Race

I'm just wired
As the gun is fired.
We race away
As one array.
Packed together
Despite the weather.
It's in my heart
To just take part -
Though now I'm grinning -
It seems I'm winning!
Towards the tape -
A lunging shape -
And so it's reckoned
That I came second.

Post No Bills

"Bill Posters Will Be Prosecuted"
The message is quite clear
Bill Stickers is another cited
That they want to get this year.
What have they done, these two,
To be so publicly pursued by you?

On every vacant shop front
The proclamation stands.
There are no words of defensive clout
Just trailers for new rock bands.
It must be that the public wills
The persecution of these Bills.

Just what is the great crime
They stand thus so accused?
It cannot be entirely sublime
If they are also quite bemused.
In ignorance we ask then:
"Who are these mystery men?"

Ode to the Last Teaspoon

While some wear gloves to do the dishes
I don't hold with these rubber fetishes.
There is something very soothing
In plate, and cup, and saucer, washing.
Dip each item in the warm, soapy solution.
Scrub front and back, inside and out, to completion.
Rinse, and set to drain,
And then around we go again.
It must be intrinsic to these crocks
Because I don't feel as happy doing socks.
I just lose my troubles
In a bowl of rainbow bubbles.
Still there comes an end to my philosophy,
And tipping out the water I decry:-
'I searched, and searched every corner,
So why is there still another teaspoon in the washing water?'

Politically Speaking

I would not say it 'tis,
I could not say it isn't.

I could not say just when,
So I did not say it then.

Your rumours are just a cloud of smoke,
If there's any truth in it, I'll choke.

Why must I have to defend
That (s)he's only a good friend?

Of course you must vote for us-
The other chap's far wuss!

If the interviewer puts it to you straight,
There's only one recourse; to equivocate!

If your scheme's become quite bent,
You can always answer - No Comment!

The Sociable Snails

with acknowledgements to H.C.

The Sociable Snails went on an outing
To the coast to see the sea
And perhaps to go boating.

The trip was planned meticulously
With a short route from A to B
For them to travel safely.

After travelling weeks they reached Brighton
And gazed upon the ocean
A grand sight; they cried "Right on!"

At the sinking sun and fading light
They retired to their shells
To spend the cosiest night.

They woke at break of dawn to find, meanwhile
They'd been served notices
Saying "Illegal domicile"!

The Judge agreed that a Sociable Snail
Was a rare and wonderous thing
And wouldn't send them to gaol.

So our happy band of gastropoda
Went away triumphant holding
The Judge in highest odour.

The Sociable Snails think they may tarry
On their way back home -
Should their route pass Calgary!

The Pass

Hannibals animals were elephants.
With him they crossed the Alps.
An achievement that helps
In part to explain
How a mere lane
The width of a toad
Became a grand trunk road.

Down

When things are really bad,
And I'll be imminently sad,
I remember when I t'was lad.
Though there's nothing new to add,
As a distraction it ain't so bad.