8 scenes from the next Star Wars Film (StarWars Episode III: Christ!)

1
ext. day.
Padme sits on a stool made out of bone at the feet of the Emperor in a big meadow on Nabbo.
Padme: Please, I'll do anything except that! Anything!
The Emperor: Anything?
Padme: Yes! Yes! Any...wow I never noticed that you have such tiny feet! Cute feet!

2
Int. Night
Padme sits on a bed with black rubber sheets touching herself when Anakin enters...
Padme: Ooooh! Ooooh! That's VERY SPECIAL!
Anakin: Hey! I was going to make my cape out of that! Get your filthy self off.

3
On a space cruiser.
Obi-Wan Kenobi is standing holding a baby in his arms on the bridge of the cruiser. He is talking to a man who seems to be made of cans of soup.
Obi: This child might be very important at some point...
Soup guy: I am thrashing around in the SINK with concern.
Obi: If you could just take this...
Soup guy: My concern is bigger than several whole PLANETS worth of WATER.
Obi: Please, calm down! All those fellows with funny caps are looking at us in a strange way.
Soup guy: I can't help my slush! It BIGGER than me! I'm a yelping cess divider!
Obi: Look his name's Johand Sold...
Soup guy: Han! Solo!
Obi: No, he's the cousin of my pal Spuss and he may be really useful to us...
Soup guy: Han! Solo!
Obi: Look, can you calm down a bit?
Soup guy: Han! SOLO!

4
In a branch of Dixons. Day.
the emperor is trying to summon the ghosts of dead sith lords with the aid of a droid who works in the shop called D.A.R.Y.L. Behind him, in chains and guarded by a load of guys in red leather jock straps is Padme.
The Emperor: So I just punch this console thing and the mighty Force of Brevil will be reborn?
D.A.R.Y.L.: That is WAY THE FUCK correct Emperoritoritoritor!
The Emperor: Excellent!
Padme: MMMpphhh.
The Emperor: What was that, my prize?
D.A.R.Y.L.: My special voice decoding circuits tell me that she just asked you whether she could go for a whizz.
The Emperor: Oh, of course my dear. As long as you do it...into this thermos!

5
The Jedi Temple. Twilight.
Clumonmy Flace and Mace Windu are having a bit of a dance. They are really getting on down to that space boogie.
Clumonmy Flace: I just can't believe that Padme's mother was that wizened old bitch Queen Sterilia.
Mace: Do not underestimate the power of the dark side to get into a ladies pants. I've seen photo's that would alarm you and many of your friends.
Clumonmy Flace: What are you suggesting? That old Madge Sterilia was actually some form of sexpot?
Mace: She certainly had pots of something that she kept around the place. Possibly sex.
Yoda Dances. Shakes his ass to the boogie. Falls over into a pile of his own vomit. It is hairy.

6
Coagula Dentreveers faces Anakin and Obi-Wan on the bridge of her star ship
Obi-Wan: Anakin! You don't mean that you sexed this "lady" do you?
Ani: Yes I certainly do! Cool Huh? Who's the man Baby?
Obi- But she's...do you know what she is?
Coagulla: Hah HAH! Yes my slave would you like to see my TRUE FORM?
Ani: Uhhh, what?
Obi: You really had no idea? I thought everybody knew.
Ani: What the feldergarb are you both on about?
Coagulla gradualy morphs into a gigantic maggot with spidery legs
Obi: Quick, Anakin, cut it in half while it can't defend itself!
Ani: I can't! I, uh, I have an erection!

7
Ext. Day.
Two cool looking dudes in rubber clothes are racing on speeder bikes.
Cool Dude #1: Man, that Sith shit is da bomb!
Cool Dude #2: You ain't shitting Shifty!

8
Ext. Morning.
Luke Skywalker's sky palace on
tattoine. The celebrations for the founding of the new Republic and it's brand new order of Jedis was last night. Luke stands on his balcony atop the floating abode with Padme, Mace Windu, Yoda, Obi-Wan and space captain Nancy Drew looking out over his new kingdom.
Luke: So, none of you actually died then?
Mace: Hah! No! We were all hiding on that Wookie planet disguised as Wookies and shit!
Yoda: Yes! Small Wookie did I make, hmm?
Luke: So, actually there wasn't much point in all that fighting and me risking my life? You could have come and helped me against the Emperor at any time?
Mace: Well, of course! But what fun would that have been? It was all a bit of a joke really...
Luke: And what of my father? Is he alive?
Yoda: Took the joke a little too far, your father did. Like that, he was.
Leia walks in with a sozzled looking Han
Leia: You fuckers! I just found out! Ha ha ha!
Luke (to camera): Great.
music swells as everything ends happily ever after for everyone. other than the millions of dead.